Journal day 61 - The, um, Meaning of Life.

---

The, um, Meaning of Life.

Woke up on a flat air-bed again. Not great for the ol' ribs. Considered popping the Tramadol again but decided that I'd rather jump off a cliff. Went bought a new air-bed.
Cruised around a bit in the camper. Back down to Little Shoal Bay for a cold shower and to cook up some breakfast.

I did a bit of thinking so here comes the drivel....

I Realised that I absolutely love this living in a van thing. It's only been a few days but I can already see how that guy in 'Into the Wild' ended up escaping off up to Alaska to try to 'find himself.'
But then I remembered that at the end the only thing he found was himself dead in his van after slowly losing his mind. That bit didn't work out too well for him. Its ages since i saw that movie but I remember the realisation he had as he was about to die. I think it was regret for the people he'd hurt and neglected, his family and friends, and the responsibilities that he'd shirked. And I think at that point he realised he'd been fooling himself into thinking he had went on a great path to self discovery. He instead realised that he'd ran away from all the difficult things that life throws at you that really make you find yourself; The everyday challenges like work, relationships, communication, social interaction, love, heartbreak, finances, responsibility, stress, etc.

Thinking about all this bollox made me realise that even though I could all too easily slip into a life living out of a van, I came to New Zealand for a reason. I set out to beat the dumb recession and get a job as an architect. I've had a great few months travelling halfway around the globe and I guess I need to get on with it. I've done my little 'finding yourself' bit. Looking over the last few months i've seen a lot of Amazing Places....
To mention only a few...

I've walked the Dia La Rossa in Jerusalem, the streets where Jesus carried his cross to the place of his crucifixion.
I've explored the desert edge terrain of Petra where the mountains have been inexplicably carved into an amazing city of elaborately carved caves.
I've knelt down before mountaintop Buddhas in glittering temples in Asia and found moments of peace...
Wondered how the hell they built all the temples at Angkor Wat as I ran my hands over one of the giant faces carved on a tower at the Bayon temple...
I walked through the killing fields with a boy wondering which of the pits his grandfather had been thrown into....
I saw the aftermath of The use of Dioxin in the Vietnam war alive and begging in the streets of Saigon....
I've moved through the misty waters around the beautiful islands of Ha Long bay.
I've met loads of really interesting and friendly people, Locals and travellers from all over the world.
I've seen the sun rise and fall with complete beauty many times, each time in a different place and in a different way.

So then, it's only been a few months but after all that I'm gonna have a stab at the big question... What the hell is it all about....?? I'm no great philosopher, but then again who the he'll really is?

The Meaning of flippin Life....

I'm gonna have a good aul stab at this... Straight from the hip. I've just sank a couple of Tramadol so it may help.
After last week in Raglan I realised I could very easily drop everything and turn into a bit of a surf bum. And what would be wrong with that? But where would it get you? I think it would wear thin after a while.
I think that moments like those are to be earned and to be looked forward to, and to leave behind again. If they are something to work towards they are more appreciated.
And I think that goes towards everything. Work and play. Too much of one and the other suffers. Maybe thats the answer to everything. is it all just about balance?
We live and then we die. That's all we know for certain but everything else is a matter of cause and effect. Newtons laws of physics, every force has an equal and opposite force and all that.
Everything apart from life and death is found between those 2 points and basically consists of Living and Dying. Why are we born and why do we die? And why do we live? Darwin proved that if we look at evolution we can see that we evolved like everything else, slowly and carefully through time according to the laws of nature that exist on our planet and the conditions that exist beyond in our universe. And we our evolving still. But beyond that there are an infinite number of 'why?' questions. And every time we answer one question we always seem to unlock many new, more complex questions. I don't know what new things that large Hadron Collider thing has discovered lately but I'm pretty sure that by pinging protons into each other those brainy particle physicists'll unearth many more new questions than answers found. And maybe that's part of the answer. Maybe the meaning of life is too complex to ever be mapped out completely. But like a lot of things maybe it doesn't need to be. I really like when things that seem really complicated or impossible to comprehend are made easy to understand when described through a really simple model or diagram. Like Jorn Utzon's spherical solution for the Sydney Opera House. So maybe the meaning if life is a really simple thing too.

Maybe it's just about balance. And maybe the question isn't concerned with the 'Meaning of life' but more to do with how do we Give life 'Meaning? We can be the masters of our own destiny.

All I can do is look at what I believe living to be. And maybe in it I'll find some meaning. Maybe it's beneficial to try to think about this sort of thing at some point before you're lying on your deathbed looking back at everything. Maybe the meaning of life is to have some sort of plan to live to... 'If you fail to plan, you plan to fail.' but if you plan to succeed then you have got to be upping the odds that your life will have some 'meaning.'
Maybe this is twisting the point a bit but I'm saying I've cracked it.....

If you plan your life out, to live according to a set of rules and aspirations..., You are giving meaning to your life. If you do this, maybe then, you will have found The Meaning of your life.

So if everything is about balance then how do I plan to live.....:

(had to edit out the next 1000 odd words because I listed out a plan that in reading proved to be drivvle of the purest form.)

...So I now have a list of aspirations to live to relating to the human condition. Easy to write down but not so easy to put into practice. But I guess I now am aware that my life has the potential to be balanced and have some sort of a 'meaning.'

So There you go then, that's The Meaning of Life.
Right now that's the best I can come up with.

I've just realised that the Chinese worked this out ages ago with the whole balance ying-yang thing. And Rudyard Kipling also got there first with his Poem that ended with something like '...then son you'll be a man.' and not to mention the Deserata. And even that Baz Lurhman tune 'sunscreen.' and probably a million other things. Damn. Ah well.

At least i avoided the old comparing life to surfing speel.......

---