Australia Part 4: The last from down under

---

Bored of my talks on Oz?..This is the last one I promise...

(16/09/09) Leaving Airlie Beach today. I board the bus along with pretty much all the people I came here with minus a few. There’s 7 of us in a massive coach which is quite different to the peak summer months when people fight over seats. We continue north and stop for breakfast at a town called Bowen which calls itself Bowenwood after a bit of Baz Lurhman’s film “Australia” was filmed here. Our destination was Magnetic Island, so called after Captain Cook’s (him again?) compass went a bit mental when he sailed past. We waited around in the concrete jungle of Townsville and boarded our 20 minute ferry to Magnetic Island, where we then got a public bus to our beachside hostel. The weather is pretty hot at the mo so I parked myself by the pool for a bit before joining in a beach footy batch with perhaps the most friendliest Italians in the world, and I think the first Italians I have met in almost 8 month travelling? I bagged a brace and enjoyed the match and the proceeding volleyball game. The hostel bar hosted a Ladies Night and I had to fight off the girls from my bus trying to dress me up as that kind of thing could be fun if there’s a group of lads, but just one guy would be a tad…gay?... It was a fun evening. I met up again with German Thomas who I’d met in 1770 and Airlie Beach and then I met an Australian guy who was in his late 20’s and had a very odd presence about him. He said how he hopes to visit every city in every country… I asked him how he was getting on in this mammoth task to which he replied “Well I’ve never left the island really..”…no hope!

(17/09/09) It took me about an hour to eat a massive breakfast. I said goodbye to the Italians who want me to visit them in Milan (only after a 10 minute footy game). I joined Josie and Irish Katie from my bus to the koala sanctuary. This involved getting a public bus that quite literally went round the houses and it seemed to take forever. The highlight of the trip was seeing one of the best mulleted haircuts on the bus, we are talking world class. We finally got to our destination but were disappointed to discover that there’s only three shows a day and we had just missed one, although there was little idea of us ever knowing this fact. So rather than waiting around a few hours to hug a Chlamydia carrying marsupial (not a bear!), we decided to get the long bus journey back which would had been awful if it wasn’t for the mullet man back on the bus. He was dropped off and we weaved through some more streets and saw him again! This pleased me a lot, but not as mush as when I later went to the supermarket and saw him again. My, what hair! Walking the 15 minutes stroll back to the hostel, I turned my head behind and saw…guess who….THE MULLET HAIR MAN!!! The evening was a lot quieter than the night before, which suited me.

(18/09/09) Today, Irish Katie and 2 others (Aussie Jess and Swiss Sarah) clubbed together to hire a vehicle for the day, Hard to explain exactly what they are, so I am best just to say it was a bit like the car that plastic Barbie would drive, but for grown ups. Katie took the wheel first of all and we cruised around the island’s one main road at about one mile an hour. We stopped off at Horseshoe Bay and had a swim. The waves were a lot calmer here compared to Nelly Bay (where we were staying) and the surroundings were really picturesque. We drove some more and did a walk to spot some koalas (not bears). It was rather hot but the views were worth it. We saw a couple of koalas chilling up a tree. We walked some more to an old gun fort from World War II. It was then my turn to drive and was in fact the first time I have driven a car in almost eight months, I was more used to driving world winning yachts and imitation Harley Davidson’s. Despite I assume a ladies hairdryer (or men’s) has more power than Barbie’s engine, it was a nippy little thing as we cruised around the island some more. We stopped off for quite some time at the koala sanctuary, and actually went in rather than the previous days shambles. It really did exceed my expectations quite a bit. As a group we were shown round and first up were two cockatoos. One was more than happy to be held and even to feed them from your own mouth. The other hated males, including me, which is surprising as I am a very likable chap! Funnily enough this sexist cockatoo also took a dislike to the lesbians who went in after me. We then held (and kissed) a baby crocodile, lizard, python and saw an echidna which also looks like a hedgehog (if a hedgehog shared more then would it just be a hedge?!) but is in fact more closely related to a platypus, which is a bit odd to say the least. The finally was what we had been waiting for, holding a koala. I got the cheesy picture of me and Dexter (nice name for a koala don’t you think?) and he was a lovely chap. I really think they can be domesticated. Before we left we attended the bird feeding time and got swamped by these fellas and they were pretty vicious, so much so one actually drew a little bit of blood from me - bastard! We stopped a few times on the way back to our hostel. Despite a slow start I ended up having a really good evening at the hostel bar. I really liked Maggie Island.

(19/09/09) This morning we are up early for our local bus, ferry, coach up the coast to my final destination of Cairns. Everyone was tired but that didn’t stop our driver from giving us the history of earth since the beginning of time (well it felt like that anyhow). We stopped off at an uneventful coastal town and I got really annoyed how expensive every thing in Australia is - about a quid fifty for a can of coke, packet of crisps or a chocolate bar. So not worth the money. Anyhow, we continued north and stopped off at a big gumboot and another animal centre. I wondered if I should go in after only going to another animal centre in Magnetic Island just yesterday but there was little else to do. First up we were introduced to a bird called a cassowary which I had never heard of before. Its shorter than an ostrich but bigger than an emu. Apparently it’s the most deadliest bird around and I can believe it after looking at one of his claws which could easily pierce your throat. After this we got to hand feed and stroke some kangaroos which was so good although I got slimey hands - they were lovely chaps! We then saw some domesticated dingos, which were also well behaved. Our guide then went into an alligator pond (is in fact an alligator rather than the native crocodile). He then reached down and grabbed a 3 metre croc out of the water to show us, exactly how the late Steve Irwin did. I was well behind the fence at this point. This was then topped when his colleague (could have only been in his early twenties) goes into a crocodile pond with a slab of meat and taunts the crocs for a while before feeding them. There must be other jobs around for young men than this? It was pretty cool to hear the croc pound down his mouth with such a loud noise. We left the better than expected animal gaff and arrived in Cairns in the early evening, and thus completes my Oz Experience bus ride, which started in Darwin in early June and took me south through Uluru, Adelaide and Melbourne, before having a break in New Zealand then I returning to Sydney and heading up north from there. Not sure if I would recommend it to be honest. I did it so I could meet people, but some of the buses hardly had anyone on board, and many were just a bit average. Anyhow, Cairns was not what I expected. The streets seemed too quiet at first and it seemed a bit of a ghost town. My hostel was nice but too out of town. In the evening I headed to Irish Katie’s hostel with German Thomas (from 1770 & Airlie) and we had some goon before heading to the popular but diabolical Gilligan’s Bar. I hated it. It was Magaluf. Within ten minutes a guy was being carried out with blood on his face and no nose (Did I ever tell you about my dog that has no nose?). I really didn’t like the kind of clientele in here one bit so I left pretty soon after.

(20/09/09) Rather surprisingly, Cairns has no proper beach. It has some crocodile invested sludge where a beach would be so I headed to the manmade lagoon, which was pretty nice. I stayed there for a while reading my China guidebook but it was bloody hot. I don’t think I like Cairns very much. In the evening I went out with the German/Austrian contingent for some food and drinks.

(21/09/09) I was up early and checked out of my out of town hostel. I got picked up and taken to the harbour for my days boat trip on the Great Barrier Reef. On board was Irish Lisa, Patsy and Emma, as well as Canadian Matt who I have met in various places also. Despite loving my scuba diving back in Thailand, it had been almost six months and as I couldn’t really recall what to do so I was happy just to snorkel. Luckily, one of the dive instructors talked me into doing a scuba dive rather than a snorkel. After about an hour heading 30kms out to sea, we anchored at Upolu Reef. We had a pre-dive talk and I met my dive “buddy” who said he did his PADI course (dive qualification) 4 years ago so I naturally thought I would be offering him some advice, but turns put he is a deep sea diver in the Australian Navy, which out trumps my four dives it turns out. It really is surprising how much you can forget in a short space of time as scuba diving this time seemed like learning a new language. If I didn’t have more switched on people around me then I would had jumped in without having my air supply switched on. Anyhow, we jumped in and were greeted by a bat fish whish was a big old boy, and very curious. We then plummeted down to the bottom which was about 14 metres and marvelled at the very great Great Barrier Reef in front of us. I continued to glide through the water like a lanky frog on an invisible unicyle as getting horizontal just seemed like too much hard work for me. We saw plenty of coral as you might expect. We found Nemo, star fish, lots of other fish and a stingray which was more than a couple of metres long. So glad I did the dive as it was a lot of fun, even though I still had problems equalising my ears when descending. Back above the water we jumped on a little glass bottom boat and was taken around and educated on our surroundings. In a nutshell the Reef is 2300kms longs and is made up of lots of tiny living thingy-majigs… Apparently its around 15,000 years old but will die in 50-100 years due to global warming, pollution and humans treading on it (to be fair I didn’t). Bit of a shame that future generations won’t be able to see this beautiful sight, which is also one of the Seven Natural Wonders of the World (Uluru is in that list too - think Bognor Regis just missed out). Anyhow, as I was on a high from the first dive I thought I might as well make the most of this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity (unless I get on a plane back again) and scuba once more while my Visa card was still letting me have fun. And of course again it was brilliant. Towards the end of the dive we investigated a stingray which had a wine glass and fork underneath it that had fallen from the boat above! We were treated with a gourmet lunch and then investigated a cay (sand bank) which was protruding above the water, despite us being very far out to sea. I thought about claiming the island is Nickland, but couldn’t be bothered with all the paperwork, so I joined everyone else in a snorkel around. The water was mostly shallow and we got to see a turtle which was pretty cool. As I’m a lazy swimmer I headed back to the boat before everyone else and missed the black tip shark which was about 6ft long. Oh well! Thinking the day could not get any better, a cheeseboard went round and me and the Irish lot almost choked as we shovelled this gold down our throats as if we would never see it again. What a great day! We saw some great things, ate amazing food and were really welcomed by the funny and enthusiastic staff. In the evening I headed out to a bar that had all you can drink for $6 (bit over three quid) between 10-11pm which although sounds brilliant, I was so bloated as for every whisky was accompanied by lemonade or coke so I felt like bursting and in fact went home earlier because of it…perhaps there’s a moral to that story, but I don’t care..

(22/09/09 Well well well,..Eight months today since I left and a couple of you are still reading my blogs,.. for that I thank you. Would love to top the 8 month mark with an interesting day, however I spent it under a tree by the lagoon. In the evening I went to the cinema with ze Germans to watch Inglorious Basterds (it’s the second time I have seen it). Something quite ironic about going to watch a film about lots and lots of Germans getting killed and having there scalps graphically removed with 6 Germans…

(23/09/09) I was up at silly o’clock and Irish Katie and I jumped on a coach for a few hours heading for the Tully river, where we would do some white water rafting. We were put in our group with one French chap and a father and son duo from Stevenage. Dressed to kill in our pink helmets and yellow life jackets we were soon on the Grade 4 (scale goes to G6 but only professionals or people with a death wish do that) river and were given our first tips. You might recall I did some rafting in northern Thailand but it was more sitting on a raft and going down stream. We headed down the 13km track almost like a convoy, with about eight or nine boats over taking each other. After about one minute, another boat lost one of its female oriental passengers in the water, but when she was dragged back in the boat she had no shorts on and was naked for about fifty of us to see EVERYTHING!!!..I felt like I was back in Thailand….we all laughed a lot….Anyhow, we powered through some rapids, some hairier than others, for a bit over an hour before stopping for lunch. We then continued and I only actually fell out once, and that was because of the idiot in front of me kept on doing the opposite to our guides instructions. After about 5 hours on the water we headed back to Cairns, but a thoroughly day was enjoyed. In the evening I drank some goon and played guitar for ze Germans before heading out for my last night in Cairns. Was actually a really fun evening. I like Germans!

(24/09/09) So I had to checkout as this evening I was due to fly back to Sydney. I met up with Irish Lisa and Katie at the lagoon and chilled, however we were interrupted by some crazy smackhead that kept on pestering Katie. I politely told him to go away before he started on me. The girls got their stuff and walked off which actually annoyed me as I we outnumbered him and should not be intimidated by scumbags. If it wasn’t for the fact I was sitting down in the lotus position and he was standing up then he would have found himself booted in the lagoon…Anyhows, the toothless mother-of-a-whore (well I only presume) left and I enjoyed the remainder of my afternoon with ze Germans, and even bumped into the two Aussie band guys I had met in Queenstown. I found a place that sold crocodile and despite the high price, I knew I had to invest. Although the look and texture was of chicken, it was quite rubber-like and had a bland taste. I really didn’t like it, so much so I actually left much of my dinner, which is a cardinal sin from where I come from. In the evening I said goodbye to Thomas and ze Germans (Im a big fan) and caught my delayed flight and got back to Sydney, where the red sandstorms had cleared up (Did you see the pics on TV? Crazy). I had a goodtime in Cairns but it was not a particularly nice place. Magaluf with a some coral really.

(25/09/09) I had a well needed lay in as I woke up back in Sydney. I met up with Sophie and Sarah, whom I met up with in Christchurch in New Zealand. I stupidly got talked into going shopping with them at Bondi Junction, forgetting how much I hate shopping, and how much I hated shopping with girls. I got pretty bored to be fair. In the evening I met up with Ellie and Lucy for some drinks, food and a very nice catch up. Always nice to see some friendly faces. Afterwards I then met up with Sophie and Sarah and crew, and also Adam (I met him and his mate Deep in Airlie Beach as he was heading south and me north). Annika, Tobs and Mo (ze Germans) then checked into my hostel so we ended up out in a bar til late.

(26/09/09) I headed for lunch to the area of Paddington. It was very trendy and another one of Sydney’s gay areas (which appears to be everywhere in Sydney by the way). I met with Ellie and Michelle (met in Cambodia) and we had an array of fine but pricey grub. In the evening I dragged Adam & Deep (full name is an Indian one by the way) and ze Germans to a really good bar in a place called Double Bay where Ellie, Lucy and others would be. We all really liked the place. It looked like a crappy boozer from the front but it was a big place with a really good beer garden and different music in each room. Proper busy though. On the way home we popped into a fast food place called Krushbar and whilst tucking into my chicken I looked up and saw a picture of Colonel Harland Sanders staring back at me. This might not sound particularly interesting to anyone but in 2005 I gave up McDonalds, and with that didn’t eat KFC of Burger King. Fours years have almost passed and I have not been tempted, but tonight I was tricked by the clever Colonel and his Krushbar antics. Gutted. I had sinned. I felt ashamed, but I continued to eat regardless…

(27/09/09) Today was Sunday and I met up with Ben and even more pregnant Vanessa (also from my Cambodia travels) and we went for some lunchymunchy, a bit west of Darling Harbour. I ended up back at their place for a bit, to get attacked by their excited dog.. As soon as Ben dropped me off, I took a stroll to Michelle’s boyfriends amazing apartment round the corner, where she cooked Ellie and I an amazing roast beef. Home cooked meals are one thing I have definitely missed whilst travelling. Michelle cooked a lovely meal and the apartment was on the 24thfloor overlooking Sydney’s bright lights. I have eaten waaay too much since being back in Sydney, but I was still ecstatic that Michelle gave me some leftovers. Afterwards I caught up with Adam, Deep and their friend at a few bars and ended up in the casino where Deep won quite a bit (I would have had a flutter myself but apparently “Snap” isn’t a popular game in these kind of places). Had a really fun night. I think Adam and Deep are the only guys from the UK I have met and liked from the east coast.

(28/09/09) This morning, me and the boys headed on the train and bus to do the popular Bondi to Coogee walk. We were told it would take a little over an hour but it was closer to two, although we did randomly bump into and chat to Irish Lisa and Patsy, who seem to be following me… The walk is from beach to beach and we passed at least half a dozen bays of different sizes. It was nice to stretch the legs and get some healthyfresh air, topped off with some chips at the end. I headed back to the city centre and met up with Lucy to visit the Museum of Contemporary Art. I have perhaps mentioned before that I am not a massive fan of art but I really enjoyed myself. I hate it when someone vomits on some canvass and people marvel at it, but this was a lot different. Lots of installations and physical stuff to play with. Back at the hostel I said goodbye to Adam and Deep and joined Sophie, Sarah and their friend Tom for some karaoke action. For the second karaoke session in a row, I was worse than worse. I think perhaps I was too sober so I heard my bad voice in full flow. Didn’t enjoy it too much at all, perhaps I shall hang my microphone up?

(29/09/09) Bit of admin in the morning, including sorting out my Japan Rail pass. Seeing pictures of the land of the rising sun has got me quite excited. Bit of a nothing day really although I did go to the beautiful Botanical Gardens again to view the Harbour for one last time in the beautiful sunshine, then briefly met up with Hazel for a quick hello. In the evening I went out with Sophie and Sarah to a pub quiz hosted by an ex Neighbours actor - Do you remember Lou Carpenter’s ex-wife Cheryl who had twins called Dannii (fit!) and Brett?..Anyhow I saw Brett, who’s real name is also Brett… Everyone else was more tipsy than me and although I enjoyed the live band I decided to go home early as sober dancing is crap. I’m actually getting a bit bored with going out now. Back in my dorm hostel there was a British/Chinese/Brunei/Malaysian girl (you know those people that are about 8 nationalities and have lived in every country?) called Kim. She was very funny and we just ended up talking absolute rubbish for hours. I like those kind of people.

(30/09/09) So today was my last full day in Sydney and I spent much of the day trying to sort out some flights around Asia but to little avail. I said goodbye to Lisa and Patsy, then in the evening met with Ellie, Lucy, Jarrad and others for a farewell drink and some pricey food at Darling Harbour. Some of these I won’t see again for quite some time, so it was nice meeting up once more.

(01/10/09) Pinch punch. Today I got the slow train back to Newcastle to meet up with Peter, who I visit a month ago. Today was a Thursday and Peter had taken off the Friday so he can have a long weekend with Monday being a bank holiday (no one knows why though). His parents own a holiday home up near Anna Bay about 50 minutes drive north. We arrived and cooked spag bol (so over spag bol now!) and took along the beach. This holiday home was as big a home you would permanently need. I was very impressed.

(02/10/10) We were up pretty early to catch some waves and go surfing. Peter loaned me a wetsuit he used to have when he was 16 and it was on the tight side to say the least. The waves were pretty lame which restricted our surf time. We soon gave up and instead headed to the golfing range. I can easily smack a ball 140 yards these days, shame I can’t putt.. For lunch I had a wicked pizza that had chunks of lamb, sweet potato and goats cheese on it…It’s no wonder Australia is the second most obese nation after the Yanks.. We took a stroll around a nice bay and in the evening cooked a wicked bit of bream on the barbie with some prawns - I know you wanted me to say we “put a shrimp on the barbie” but they are called prawns here. A beer or 2 was enjoyed along with my beloved American Office on DVD, what a great show.

(03/10/09) The weather was lame again, and as there were no waves we thought we’d try something else. We met with Peter’s mate Jay and after attempting and failing to go to a go-karting track we settled for ten pin bowling. The first game I lost, the second game I was on 90 something after just five goes thanks to my first Turkey (three strikes in a row) whilst Peter and Jay were barely on half my score. Surely I would win?..Well, I ended on 124 and came third (some might call that losing bearing in mind there were only three players). Not happy. I was more unhappy that afterwards I had to wait 45 minutes for some fries! In the evening we went to a pub where Jay had won quite a few hundred bucks on horse racing (a lot of pubs, if not all of them, have a bookies in it) so he bought us a few beers and a Chinese takeaway. Nice bloke.

(04/10/09) Well we assessed the waves again, but alas, they were not good enough for us to attempt so we headed back to Newcastle a day earlier than planned. Today was Sunday and tomorrow was Monday (it works the same down here) but Monday was a bank holiday, for what reason no one quite knows. Despite the rain we headed to some posh bars on the quayside with Peter’s girlfriend Monika and a few of her friends. It was the NFL (rugby league) Grand Final day so we caught a bit of that (Melbourne Storm beat Sydney’s Paramatta Eels in a dull game). I had a pleasant night of which the highlight was someone walking into a shut door full on. Classic stuff.

(05/10/09) Today the weather was a little better so Pete, Monika and I headed to Black Butt Park (not racist!) which was pretty close by. We had a picnic and then strolled about the animal sanctuary which included wombats, kangaroos and birds. After watching a lame DVD I was soon warming up for a real football match. Pete invited me to star in his 7-a-side team and show them how its done. I watched and smiled smugly as I saw the two previous teams play before us. I hadn’t played competitively this year but I knew I would make the opponents look silly if this is the kind of standard I’m dealing with. Well, I was crap. Stamina was the big problem, and I wanted to chuck my dinner up also. Although I set up two out of three of our goals, we lost 5-3. I don’t like losing footy matches one bit. We had a quick drive back to Pete’s before I said my goodbyes and jumped on the bus back to Sydney at about 10pm. I was very well looked after by Pete. Good lad! Although I was catching a flight to Hong Kong in the morning, it didn’t stop me having one more last night out in Sydney despite not getting back until about 1am. I met up with people from my last dorm and I was out pretty late in the end. But it was a great night to be leaving on.

(06/10/09) So, with little sleep, I headed to the airport to catch my flight to Hong Kong…Sydney and Australia have been ticked off.

So, overall, I have had a great time in Australia. The first few weeks of Darwin down to Melbourne were not as fun, mostly due to the lack of interesting people I met on the way, along with being a tad under the weather and doing 12 hours in a coach everyday. New Zealand gave me a good break and the east coast was really enjoyed. I was very surprised how much I really like Sydney. It popped in my head to stay there for a few months to work, but that would have meant sacrificing travelling to other countries so soon forgot that. It was a very familiar place and I found it very easy to meet people. I must say for value for money, Australia is best avoided. The Oz Dollar was 2.05 to the pound when I entered, and 1.75 when I left which meant I was paying silly money for things. Australia really isn’t the place you come if you are interested in new cultures or find out about exciting history. Everything is very European and any history is soon forgotten by the locals. People-wise it is a sad place in many ways. I did meet some really nice Aussies, but I also met some scumbags, easily the least favourite of my trip. Not that I’m judging a whole nation on the folk I see in bars but the men are loud, arrogant, chauvinistic and over-patriotic bordering on racists. The fact that aboriginals have been here for more than 30,000 years has been ignored by all that live here, or so it appears. Australia is a young country and has much to learn I’m afraid. Not that it’s a terrible place by any means, but I might have to put it as the least interesting place I have visited so far this year, but to be fair I have visited some gems. I don’t think I’ll be back for a while, but it was fun.

Southern Hemisphere……..DONE!

---

Photos

Just a quick pose
Look at all the blue?

..and a baby croc..
I was on fire that day..

Cassawary
I had never heard of iit before...

Sandy island
This was about 20 miles out to sea..

Schwiiiing!!!
Peter teeing off

Samurai Bay
An hour north of Newcastle