'My sins are gone, I've been set free' - Repentence and Forgiveness week

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Hey guys!

Well as I was writing this blog I just experienced Australia rain. It's been kind of humid for a while now with temperatures in the late 30s and man did it just rain and guess what was drying their clothes on the line. Oh yeah, me. So I ran outside got absolutely drenched and could have easily won a wet t-shirt competition. I got absolutely soaked. I think if I showered in my clothes I would have come out less wet than that! So now all my clothes are attached to various parts of the bunkbeds, trying to dry and I am sitting in wet trackies and a top which smells of the inside of the cupboard cos I don't really wear it. Fun times! At least now it might be a bit cooler, i hope!

Anyhoo...It's been a pretty challenging week this week as I am sure you can tell my the title of the blog! This weeks teaching has been on 'Repentence and Forgiveness' including an application on repentence, confession and forgiveness. I could launch in and just tell you about the most challenging part of the week but I think it would be good just to outline some of the things which I learnt before that so the focus isn't just on 'the scary but freeing part' of the week.
Right so for all those who don't know what repentence is, repentence is when we confess to God that we have chosen to do things which went against God (sin) and we chose to never do that thing ever again (if we slip up though and we just do the whole process again). Before all this teaching began I viewed this area as something was very difficult (which it can be) and is very condemning and shameful because you have done something wrong and you have to tell God about it and He obviously isn't going to be happy about it because you went against Him, a bit like an angry strict parent.
However during this week I have learnt that repentence is a gift from God which is mostly for our benefit as He knows we have already done it (all knowing-all seeing). True repentence requires us to come to God and ask Him to show us how He views the sin and through this we can have deep genuine repentence where we can fully turn away from the sin. Repentence isn't the time where God shakes His finger at us and tells us how naughty we are (although we do need a true understanding of how bad the sin is so that the desire to do it again is removed) instead it is God bringing us to a place, through love and gentleness, where He can untangle us from all the things which are stopping us from having a deep relationship with Him and free us from the guilt and shame and trying to mend the consequences which come from them. God rejoices over us when we repent and longs to see us free from guilt and shame so that we can live a life of joy and love.

Quick thing to mention here about sin is that God is not wanting us to stop having fun and generally ruin our lives and treat us like slaves; God gives us boundaries to prevent us from getting hurt, hurting others and in order for us to recognise Him as God in our lives. Sin comes in many forms, all of them damaging in some way shape or form and all of them seperating us from knowing God more. These boundaries may go against a lot of what appears to be desireable in society such as 'no sex before marriage' or 'not getting drunk' but through walking in-line with these boundaries you are able to live a life which is much more free, selfless and generally more safe and loving.
For those who may be reading this right now and are thinking I am condemning them for their lifestyle or saying that they are not as loving or a selfless as me, that is not how I want it to appear. I know I have lived a life full of selfishness and pride and I have ignored God's boundaries so many times and through those times I was still able to love and I still felt free but the motives were very skewed and a lot of pain was caused to God, others and myself. I know how destructive sin can be. For example, getting drunk is destructive not only physically but mentally through feeling the need to drink to have fun or have confidence or to feel attractive or to numb pain or just to escape and I've witnessed the consequences of what can come out of drunkenness like one-night stands, pregnancy, injury, drunken gossip + generally saying things which you wouldn't say sober and in a way which you definitely wouldn't say when you're sober, emotional pain, selfishness and treating others as a means to an end, denial, substance abuse and addictions as well as many other things. Getting drunk just opens you up to so many dangers and many bad choices are many when drunk. You may think that you can get drunk and still be fine but there is no real freedom in drunkenness, just vulnerability and a dulled sense of responsibility. Ok so that may have sounded really preachy and I am sorry if you have come onto this blog hoping to hear about my time in Australia and feel like you've just been slapped around the face, I don't wish to condemn, just enlighten you to why there are boundaries and the freedom which come with the boundaries.

So back on to repentence...basically I have learnt that repentence is a freeing thing where we can go to God knowing that He longs for us to repent, confess our sin and ask for a deep understanding of how He sees the sin so that we can turn away from it and live a life of closer relationship to Him and a life free of insecurities, judgement and shame. Through the process of repentence we are able to recognise how the sin has affected God, how the sin has affected our relationship with God, how the sin has affected others and how the sin has affected us. This may be painful but it is necessary in order for us to no longer desire it again.

Right so on to the application stage of the week. Throughout the week it was kind of mentioned and those who had done a DTS before did tell stories of theirs which pretty much scared the pants off me. Basically the application stage was for us to go up in front of the whole class and pray out to God, asking for repentence for our sins and ask for forgiveness and then being prayed for by the leaders and the rest of the group. Now it was optional but confession brings freedom and if you want to be free, confession was pretty much necessary. Repentence is between you and God but confession involves witnesses and is done so that the guilt and shame which come attached to sin is removed as you no longer have to feel like you need to hide them deep down in the darkness where guilt and shame rule. On thursday the speaker pretty much went through every sin in the bible and what that looks like today and pretty much everyone felt convicted and really started to worry about confessing their sins in front of 60 people who they have only really known for about 3 weeks. I was absolutely petrified as some of the things I felt convicted of I had never told anyone about and really did carry a lot of guilt and shame in my life with the whole 'if they knew about this, they wouldn't even want to look at you, you're not really a christian, how can you say you believe in God and love Him and do these things' thought processes behind them. The application went on from 8:30am to 3am so it was a long day but it was so freeing. During the middle of the day I just felt an overwhelming sense of shame and guilt, so much so that I felt like I was suffocating and I just wanted to escape and I really was thinking about no going, but quite a few people prayed for me and a few hours later the weight was removed. I didn't go until about 9pm so you can understand the amount of nerves and tension I carried for a very long time and I also had the feeling of 'I don't even like talking about good things in my life in front of 60 people let alone the things I haven't even told my family and close friends'. It was intense to say the least.
It was so encouraging to hear how open and honest people were and the acceptance that came with it. The freedom that people received afterwards was also incredible. There really is a lot of guilt and shame which come with so many forms of sin, especially those which are really emphasized in Christian circles like homosexuality, sexual immorality and abortion so it really wasn't easy for people to speak these things out and a whole lot of tears were shed and many hugs were had. I pretty much got up, took 5 minutes just to convince myself to open my mouth, held it together for one minute and then just cried for the rest of the time. I am not kidding, the whole room just went silent as soon as I started crying and talking about all the things I've kept inside. As soon as I sat down in the seat all I could do was close my eyes and focus on God. I have an intense fear of rejection and I have always held other people's opinions over God's so to spill out all the darkness and dirt from my heart was incredibly difficult. Once I was done and had received prayer, I just grabbed some tissue and made my way to the back as soon as possible so I didn't have to look at anyone and I went to sit next to the giant cross which we nailed our sins on and quite a few people came over and gave me hugs, notes and scriptures and they prayed for me. It was so encouraging. From then on I felt a sense of cleanness and my mind just felt unbelievably clear which really is a new thing for me as I have always bottled things up and always feel like there is a battle going on in my mind!
There really is a completely new feeling of love and support in the group now. We all know where we have come from and the worst possible thing that people could find out about us has gone and can no longer be held against us. There is no guilt and no shame, only accountability, love and grace. Before it all started I was like, 'Why can't I just confess it to the people in my room or my small group or just not the whole class' but now I completely understand why it is done in front of the whole class. The godly side of everyone really came out yesterday and the support and fellowship which was felt was just so nice.

Yesterday also involved forgiving people as well as just repenting. Forgiveness is not about forgetting what has been done against us or to us but instead handing it over to God and choosing not to hold it against that person any longer. This is not an easy thing but through forgiveness the bitterness, anger, resentment and general pain can be taken away and relationships can be restored (or at least you can attempt to restore the relationship, it really depends on the other person if you were also to blame, we are called to do as in our power to restore the relationships though). It is important to forgive as we are told to love one another which is not possible to if there is unforgiveness is your heart. God views unforgiveness very strongly as He knows how much it damages ourselves and others and we are told that if we do not forgive others we cannot be forgiven by God. With forgiveness freedom is felt and the negative feelings and pain which you have held towards others leaves us. It is a daily process though and it is an active choice.

Phew so as you can see there is a whole lot of information right there and I haven't even really got into the what I did this week. Will do that on another blog so you can space out the information if you want!

Sorry for the information overloads which seem to be my blogs! I don't really have regular access to a laptop so when I do get to blog they are often long and probably quite tiring to read! Thank you for all those who perservere and get through them! It is very much appreciated and I hope you get something out of them!

Much blessings and love,
Rachel

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Comments

[Ruth]

wow
Challenging stuff.