Rid of Rid

---

Before I officially move in, Sonnie and Irene pop over to have a look around. Sonnie has a look at the bathroom and exclaims “I didn’t know you had moved all your stuff over already”, I’m like “I haven’t!! That’s all Rid’s stuff”, we all look in amazement at the John Frieda So Blonde shampoo, L’Oreal Blonde conditioner, cleanser, toner, moisturiser, leave in conditioner, mud mask, Nair……..



Watching Rid get ready in the morning is a scary look, takes about ten different pills, drinks Aloe Vera, a protein shake .... actually I don't have time to write it all....take a look at the attached photo, it describes it more accurately!


A couple of days after I move in, Rid kindly tells me that the guy who does his hair is brilliant…..and he does all his waxing too - proving this by sticking out his waxed legs for me to view. Traumatised for life.

Another one of his wierd idiosyncracies is having a shower the morning, and after the gym.....ok normal enough but he also has one before he goes to the gym. Three showers in one day in a country with a chronic water shortage....the Aussies wouldn't be happy!

Annelise is just having a general conversation with Rid about blokes and girls and relationships etc. Rid is saying how he likes to bring different girls home every night, probably about four a week . Annelise enquires whether he is ever afraid of catching anything…..”Oh, I don’t kiss them” he exclaims with horror. We look at him askance - “You don’t kiss them?” “But you sh*g them?”

He looks at us like we are weird and this is the most normal thing in the world “Yes, I could catch meningitis by kissing them”. “So you just hit on random girls in a club and ask them if they want to come home with you?”, “Yes”.

“And do they ever ask why you won’t kiss you? What do you say?”, “Oh, I just tell them they have bad breath”. OK then.



Rid goes to the bathroom announcing to Irene and I that he just needs to do his “mud”, and proceeds to waltz in and out of the kitchen so we see his mud mask on his face. Did he think this made him attractive?


Irene and I are sitting on the couch recovering one morning, when she hears this “shhhhhhhh”, “shhhhhhhh” noise. Looking around in concern, she’s like “What’s that?”. “Oh that’s just one of the air fresheners Rid has strategically placed all over the house, set to fire every nine minutes” and I am not joking - they are attached to the wall and set to release at the closest intervals possible! And if that is not enough, every night he spreads “Shake n Vac” all over the carpet, I mean that is bad enough, that stuff went out in the 90s in Ireland, but he doesn’t actually follow through with the Vac part…so you have this white dust all over the carpet…..

And regularly, I would be in my room and about midnight will hear him walking around the apartment ….. spraying …. Bloody fu*king air freshener all over the place “shhhhhh!”, “shhhhhh!”, “shhhhhhh!”, the noise will haunt me in my dreams for years to come.

It seems his big obsession is smell….if it smells clean then it is clean sphere of thought. When cooking, front door is open , balcony door is open, fan is on, bedroom doors are closed…..and I have seen him vault the couch and RUN for his bedroom when he has forgotten to close the door…..


“Hey your eyes look really cool”, says Rid to Annelise after Irene has just done her makeup. Pauses for about two seconds…. “Hey can, you do that for me too?”. And yes he did want Irene to do his eyes with mascara. And was delighted with the result.

Of course the next week he was devastated cause Irene couldn’t hang around to do his makeup, especially since he wanted eyeliner this time - he had to make do with Chloe’s mascara…..


Watching a movie or TV in general with Rid, consists of the following comments, She’s hot, He’s hot, She’s a good body, He’s a good body. And seriously that is about it. He doesn’t seem to worry about the actual plot of a movie…but is highly interested when Matthew McConaughey appears with just a towel around his waist…..


So obviously Rid is absolutely appearance obsessed, personality, character etc do not enter into his little world and it stands to reason that he would cultivate friendships with people who are also similarly obsessed…..but it is some insight listening to the conversations of these people….

BOB: I’m so skinny, look how my bone sticks out here

RID: No man, you look hot - chicks dig skinny. I’m too muscly

BOB: No man, chicks love that - you look great

BOB: Man, I need to get my hair dyed

RID: Yea, I need to get my highlights done again

BOB: Oh, we should dye each others’ hair - it would be so much fun!

RID: I really want to get a tattoo….you know David Beckham’s one - right down his back, that looks so hot

BOB: I want that one too…..we should get them done together -



Now I thought Bob was maybe a once off and that he might have actual conversations consisting of just say current affairs or even just what movies are in the cinema with his other friends….

RAMBO: Do I look skinny?

RID: No, you look hot. I look better though.

RAMBO: I have my tight T-Shirt in the car, I won’t wear it tonight though and give you a chance cause it’s your birthday.

RID: F*ck you f*ckface

RAMBO: I don’t think that top goes with those pants

RID: I look hot, chicks dig this man

RAMBO: I can call you Grandpa….



I come home Thursday evening about 11pm, walk into the kitchen and say hi. Immediately, I get “Spill something?”, I’m there, “Oh yea, your spices fell this morning as I took out my cereal”.


“Why didn’t you clean it?”

“I mopped the floors and cleaned what I could and will clean the rest now.” Bearing in mind also that I could never use the light in the morning cause it would wake him.

“You should have cleaned it this morning - I cleaned it and it took me twenty minutes”

“Yes, but I would have been late for work, I’m home now and would have cleaned it, there was no need for you to do so”

“You should have cleaned it this morning or come home early from work to clean it”

“So it was okay for you to smash a bottle of sambuca and a glass, leave sticky alcohol and glass all over the floor but I have to clean it straight away?” , he agrees to actually clean his dishes and pots within maybe 24 hours. At the time of writing this had still not happened!


After this, I came home on a Sunday evening, maybe around 10pm and thought that Rid was out. However, a couple of hours later, after I had gone to bed, I hear his door opening and voices speaking. Now this is no surprise considering his taste for random Internet women, but what was surprising was the MALE voice I could hear….which …dun dun dun….sounded extremely like Rambo, his Mauritian friend.

So obviously he likes boys too, which is no revelation considering the beauty products, the admiration of male bodies, obsession with appearance, however the surprising thing is he wants to hide it from me….no wonder he has so many issues with all this suppression of reality!




So now when I leave I think I might accidentally put spices in the Shake n Vac container ...................

---

Photos

More products
Do you think I should have told him to keep the mudmask on permanently?

Pots on the balcony
Who in their right mind can consider that "clean".

Vitamins
Afraid of getting old anyone?!

Products
No amount of product can hide what's wrong with him....