Do it Like They Do On the Discovery Channel

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Animal Antics

Pied Piper

Hip Hop

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Do it Like They Do on the Discovery Channel

Since I have known Gina, she has had an insatiable desire to swim with the dolphins. Having traveled to various parts of the World together, I know her routine anytime our stay takes us near a body of saltwater. She scours the travel brochures and hotel room guides for any mention of an opportunity yet unfulfilled. Having denied her pleasure for various reasons in the past and endured the aftermath of pouting which typically ensues, I thought better of circumnavigating the Lone Pine Koala Sanctuary - Gina’s animal interaction craving-of-the-moment.

Born out of a desire to make others envious, Gina had informed me the evening before that she would need ample preparation time in the morning so that she looked cute in her koala photo. Most people would simply be happy to have the opportunity. Playing along the following day, my patience waning, I waited as Gina primped in anticipation of her big moment in front of the lens. Some time later, she emerged from the bathroom in an understated but cute outfit and proclaimed that she was “Ready,” not sensing my building irritability.

We traveled south on the Sunshine Coast Motorway, stopping-off to pay our respects to Steve Irwin, whom I had parodied for Halloween, and decided to take the ‘scenic route’ past the Glass House Mountains - an array of 16 steep-faced monoliths rising from a volcanic valley. Maneuvering the car down a series of increasingly narrow roadways, I was suddenly reminded of the feeling of awe I experienced on trip through Monument Valley with my Father. Larger than life, the Glass House Mountains rise from the valley floor like protruding horns, cresting at several hundred meters each. We exited the car at the scenic lookout and snapped a few keepsakes before carrying on towards Brisbane.

Miscalculating our route, we were once again lost in a mire of poorly labeled back roads. Trying her best to be funny, Gina asked if we’d go in circles all day before stopping to ask directions. I wasn’t amused and convinced myself someone had misplaced or mislabeled the directional signs. A turn here, a roundabout there, a few expletives mixed in for good measure and we finally saw a sign that put us on course with Gina’s destiny.

As the Asian tourists pushed past on their departure from the sanctuary, Gina and I exchanged grimaces acknowledging our delight at not having to endure hours of the Oooo’ing and Aaaa’ing that has come to epitomize their presence at each of our tourist stop-offs. Forking over the entrance fee and passing through the turnstile, we were immediately greeted with a cage of enormous indigenous wolf bats precariously perched in an inverted position. Not having seen bats much larger than those encountered in North America, our jaws dropped in unison as one of the flying mammals extended a wing no less than 2 feet long. We sat and observed the eerie looking creatures for a few minutes before concluding they were some of the ugliest non-insects we had ever encountered.

Continuing down the path towards the koala photo booth, Gina stopped midstream and suddenly began dancing around like a three year-old doing the pee-pee dance. “Holy Shit! Holy shit! Holy Shit!”

Perplexed by her antics, I increased my speed to close the distance between us. There they were. No less than three feet from where we were standing, several lackadaisical koalas clung to man-made eucalyptus stands, unbothered by our presence. According to brochures for the sanctuary, it boasts 127 resident koalas, a multitude of kangaroo species and several other oddities of the Australian continent. While we had encountered several of the furry fellows au natural along the Great Ocean Road, nothing compared to the experience at hand - a photo shoot frenzy ensued.

Thoroughly satisfied by our photographic evidence, we carried on towards the middle of the sanctuary where a ranger was giving a lesson on koala habits and habitats. She explained that the gum leaf, the koalas’ food of choice, is composed of less than 5% carbohydrates. As a result, the animal stores energy for approximately 20 hours per day while foraging the rest. Moreover, due to the lack of nutrient value and poisonous nature of gum leaves prior to metabolism, many believe the koala is in a permanently high (drugged) state. After five minutes, Gina and my attention were that of a gnat and we found ourselves off exploring other nearby exhibits.

“What the hell is that thing?” Gina asked inquisitively while pointing at what looked like a giant upside down beaver in a hollowed out log.

“I think it’s a wombat,” I answered.

A few snaps of the shutter later and Gina decided it was time to cuddle a koala. We located the photo kiosk on our souvenir map but were suddenly startled by a gang of field tripping elementary school students headed our way. “We better beat those little bastards to the kiosk,” I muttered. Before I finished my sentence, Gina was off like a shot, pushing her way through the passing chaos.

Satisfied by her evasive maneuvers, Gina queued-up with several other eager tourists. Fifteen dollars and five minutes later, I giggled at the shit-eating grin covering Gina’s face as the ranger affixed the half-conscious fur ball to her chest. Her excitement was contagious and I found myself slightly jealous. Noticing my pouting look, the sanctuary photographer invited me over for a photo that he shot with our camera - I was thoroughly disappointed I had not primped as much as Gina.

Filled with a euphoric giddiness after our encounter, we decided to purchase some feed and head into the kangaroo habitat where we could supposedly hand feed and pet kangaroos. If it had only been this easy at 5 A.M. on Kangaroo Island.

Passing through a double-gate of ample height to ward off marsupial escape artists, Gina and I found ourselves in an open field of approximately 10 acres. To our surprise, there were several large emus parading around a sub-habitat inside the kangaroo enclosure. Adopting a ‘so ugly they’re cute’ mentality, we positioned ourselves along their fence and taunted them with feed. Respecting their massive beaks, we were sure not to linger our hands too long. We laughed at the absurdity of their movements and tried diligently to capture a few images of the fast-moving, flightless birds before moving on to find kangaroos.

I spotted a couple on a bluff about 100 meters away alternating poses with something just barely out of my view. We headed in the couple’s direction and soon realized from the faint screams that the children from earlier were running around the enclosure terrorizing everything that moved. Trying to ignore our rising blood pressure, we came upon a peacefully sleeping mother and joey. “Awe, babe, aren’t they cute?” Gina whispered.

Like a supermodel, Gina began assuming various poses as I photographed the scene. Seconds later, our position was inundated by 3-foot monsters fighting each other to touch the blissfully sleeping kangaroos - there goes that shot.

Annoyed, we walked a few meters further before reaching the bluff top. No less than fifty kangaroos stood before us.

Gina grabbed a handful of feed and headed towards the mob. For the next hour, we played with the docile animals, taking photos and videos as they competed for the tasty morsels in our hands. At one point, we spotted a scene reminiscent of the movie Aliens. Protruding from the lower pouch region of one of the resting kangaroos were a pair of feet and a tail. An otherwise gross image, we were awed by the oddity of nature and stood examining the sight before four overzealous kids ruined the serenity. We carried on and offered the remnants of our feed to a few of the more friendly hoppers.

While visiting the wash station outside of the enclosure, I noted that we had missed a major attraction inside the kangaroo area altogether: the red kangaroos. This particular species grows upwards of 2 meters (6.6 feet) tall and had been cordoned off to likely prevent tourist injuries. We double-backed into the habitat and soon found ourselves at the rear of the bluff, luckily no children in sight. Adjacent to the red kangaroo enclosure was an area labeled kangaroo resting area. Concluding that we weren’t allowed in the area as it was likely their reprieve from humans, we climbed an observation deck to spy on the red roos.

Satisfying our curiosity, we descended from the platform and gave one last look into the Kangaroo Resting Area. We stood with our jaws open wide as we perversely watched a male kangaroo engage in X-rated aerobics, upper body bent over between his massive hind legs, fondling his manhood. (See video w/ sound).

We can now say that our trip to Australia is complete.

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Photos

Those Will Make a Nice Bottle Opener One Day
http://www.everythingaustralian.com/kanscrotboto.html

The Happy Couple
Click Below for More Photos