An Apology to Australia

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As our plans for three weeks in Australia this coming Christmas firm up, we have definitely scratched the stinger infested waters of the Great Barrier Reef off our list. A recent TV documentary highlighting the fingernail sized Irukandji was the deciding factor. These miniature and nearly invisible versions of the widely feared box jellyfish carry an enormous venomous punch. I watched two trained scientists who confidently picked up box jellies in their bare hands, two scientists both in full stinger suits, hoods, booties and gloves; I watched them become two scientists who doubled up in agony after an Irukandji brushed the barely exposed lip of one and after a tiny bit of broken tentacle fell from a glove onto the skin of the other as she climbed out of her protective gear. Both were hospitalized, racked with pain undeadened by massive doses of morphine and rocked with waves of nausea that lasted two days for one and an entire week for the other. It was more than I am ready to face for a chance to see some pretty fish. No swimming in tropical Australia this Christmas for me.

But living, as I do, in Miami, has its own hazards, and I may have been too hard on Australia too soon. Our water is fine. I’ve seen the occasional shark lolling in the shallows, and we do have a brief winter season of Portuguese Man o’ War which are easily seen and avoided, but in general the waters around Miami are marvelously limpid, warm and safe. My wife and I kayaked around Largo Sound for nearly four hours this past weekend, and the most dangerous thing we saw was some tourists in a rented kayak paddling at great speed, but with no directional control, smashing into mangroves, other boaters and various pilings and piers.

Australia talks with pride about its bush savvy people who find living with danger just another exhilarating day. You don’t find that here. We are cosmopolitan, sophisticated and urban. For most Floridians, their only brush with wildlife is the kind that strolls the bizarre crowds of South beach.

But I’ve concluded that I owe Australia a bit of an apology. It seems it is not the only place with evil beasties lying in wait. A week ago the big news was that a 16 foot Burmese Python living in the Everglades had swallowed a 6 foot alligator whole. Sadly for the Python, the gator tried to claw out, opening a huge gash in the snakes belly. Both wound up dead with the head of the incapacitated python apparently munched as a snack by another passing gator. It is nature red in tooth and claw out there in the Glades. You can be certain that Fox Channel 7, one of Aussie Rupert Murdoch’s gifts to the world, had close ups and live footage at 10.

It seems these Burmese Pythons have been released in the Everglades by people who kept them as pets. The owners loved their pythons until the snake got that big abdominal bulge the same morning Granddad strangely disappeared after taking his coffee to the garage where the critter’s cage was kept. It seems that after such events, python owners decide they might be better off with a hamster and consign their well fed pet and the dearly departed, partly digested grandparent to the freeing waters of the Everglades. According to a local naturalist, “The Everglades are overrun with them.”

But I rarely travel through the Glades so I still felt pretty comfortable. Comfortable that is until this morning when the Miami Herald ran the story about the 15 pound cat that became a lump in the belly of another Burmese Python - only an 80 pound 12 footer this time. This of course raises the question, What in the world were they feeding that 15 pound cat? But the bigger issue in my mind was that the cat became Python dinner, not in the remote Everglades, but in a northwestern Miami suburb.

I live across the street from and frequently kayak on a canal that goes directly up to the Everglades a mere 10 miles away. What is to keep a renegade Burmese Python, and there have been hundreds of sightings in the last several years, from swimming down, wrapping around me and the kayak and inviting us both to be dinner?

It is a sobering thought and one that makes Jack Jumper ants, poisonous snakes, big saltwater crocs and others Australian fauna seem not so bad after all. So to all my mates in Australia, my humble apology for raggin’ on your country before I even visited. I’m looking forward to the deserts, the islands and especially to the wine country. And should I run into something venomous, well antivenins are available in Australia which is more than can be said about the help available to one being hugged to death by an expatriate Burmese Python in Miami. No worries, mate!

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Comments

[Esclaw]

Dangerous Critters
It appears we are surrounded. Next time, perhaps, we'll request a transfer to Greenland so at least one part of the family can live without fear.