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Published: November 10th 2007
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My room at my parents' house
Tibetan prayer flags adorn the wall When I stepped off the plane in the United States, I stood for a moment in awe at how bright and democratic the warm afternoon sun was. I blinked in the rays of liberty as my eyes adjusted to the freedom, like a rabbit emerging from his dusky hollow after a long winter of hibernation. Well....not quite. Although the above sentiments are somewhat accurate (thank you, Paul), returning to the United States was a bit anti-climatic. I was thrilled to see my parents, brother and dog, as well as other family members and friends, but I was sad to leave my life in China, though only for a short while.
The second or third day I was back, my mom asked me to run to the store to pick up more blue cheese (we're addicted to pears and blue cheese; you should try it). I looked at her in horror, and she asked me what the big deal was. What was the big deal?! Hello?? I hadn't driven a car in over a year, never mind navigated my way to the correct store. However, adventurous gal that I am, I saddled up and managed to drive to the store without
One last dinner with some of my students
All of my students from Maryma, the fashion powerhouse, came to dinner, as well as some colleagues from my school. killing myself or anyone around me. Upon entering the store, I stopped dead in my tracks. Shelves stretched a mile high. Fruit was laid out on tables as long as football fields. The carts were as big as tugboats. I looked around frantically, desperate to find a map, but nary a one was to be found. I was on my own. I spent what felt like hours scouring the rows upon rows of seemingly foreign food products. By that time, I was sweating profusely, the pressure of being able to complete this simple, all-American task hanging heavily upon my shoulders. I could not, would not fail in this easiest of responsibilities in my newly foreign, but all-too familiar life back in the United States.
Twenty-nine hours and forty-three minutes later, I finally spotted the cheese. I was lying sprawled on the floor, my energy spent, my body drained of sweat and tears. I had no energy to stand up and reach for it. At this point, a lovely employee leaned over me with a concerned look, asking if he could be of assistance. "Yes," I said weakly, "Please get that blue cheese for me". He looked at me blankly
and repeated his question, louder and more slowly. It was then that I realized I'd replied in Chinese. This was going to be a bigger adjustment than I'd anticipated.
The next day, I decided to go for a run. As I picked up speed, I silently congratulated myself for staying in such great shape. The 6 weeks I'd spent climbing the 18 flights of stairs to my apartment had certainly paid off in Tibet and continued to pay off here. As I continued to jog along, though, something began to go terribly wrong. My lungs began to sear. Each time I breathed in, my chest felt as though it were on fire. I screeched to a halt, leaning over, hands on my knees, gasping and trying to catch my breath. What had gone wrong? Suddenly, it came to me in a blinding flash of realization. The air was too fresh, too clear, too clean. My soiled lungs were not used to the crisp, cutting cold of unpolluted air. They longed for the smog and haze of Beijing to which they had become accustomed. Was this possible? Was I suffering from a case of fresh air? This was madness. However,
until my lungs readjust to the unpolluted air here, I've decided to walk briskly rather than run.
Aside from the occasional Chinese outburst or panic at the size of supermarkets in the U.S., I've been readjusting to my American life as well as can be expected. I didn't expect to feel as homesick for China as I do. In some ways, I feel more like myself when I'm there. Every day is exciting- an opportunity to learn a new word or phrase in the language, a chance to interact with the local people, the possibility of seeing something new or interesting. Life in China is never dull. It's ironic, but I sometimes feel more free in China than I do here in the United States. I may not have the same freedom of speech, or assembly, or right to bear arms (not that I would!) but I feel more freedom there to be true to myself. Some of the same things that may embarrass me in the U.S. just don't have the same effect on me in China. I have no explanation for this phenomenon.
There is also something to be said for living and making it on
your own 7,000 miles away from everything you've ever known. The small fact that I can, and have, done so gives me strength and confidence I didn't know I had. I miss that feeling of being completely dependent on myself and I am so looking forward to returning to Beijing in February. That being said, I will take the most important lesson I learned my senior of high school - To Live In The Now - and apply it for the few months I am in my home country.
I was recently accepted to Beijing Language and Culture University and will commence a year of Chinese language study there on February 25, 2008; my return is set for January 2009. At this point in my life, however, anything is possible. I want to get so many things out of life, and I plan to start now. There's no looking back. And for once, I'm not afraid. I'm ready.
Stay tuned.
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Thai
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Maaaann..how did I not get this publication?? No matter...what you experience when you first got back...I'm sure I'll going through the same when I go back in Jan....haha