Fort Walton Beach, Panama City Beach, New Orleans and Fort Worth, Texas

Well, spit on my spurs and shine them up boys, we're in Fort Woth, Texas! Yee-Ha! Wrap me in a Texas flag and burn it, um, I mean - get'on little doggies! We are in the land of the bush. Land of beef. Blondes and 10 gallon hats. Oil. Did I mention beef? Things are definitely bigger, and dear I say, better in Texas. I know I am being really politically incorrect, I sincerely do that to gain a giggle or two, but Mel and I really do like Texas.

Last time I wrote we were in Orlando heading to Taverna Opa at Pointe! Orlando. Once we arrived Mel got a bit peeved when she saw the belly dancer ladies doing their thing so we decided to eat at B.B. Kings's Blues Club & Restaurant. What a great choice! This 'House of Blues' like restaurant features live entertainment nightly, a funky decor and great food. The house band is incredible (although the music was a bit loud and for me to say that - trust me - it was loud). The lead singer, a boisterous black women, had the voice of a female James Brown. It was just what you would expect from this place. Awesome! As for the food I got a delicious chicken sandwich and Mel a huge salad. Yummy and reasonably priced, especially with the free entertainment. Full and feeling the blues we snapped our fingers out of there and decided to play some miniature golf. Listen, miniature golf sounds fun, doesn't it? Especially in Orlando. The mini-golf courses are elaborately decorated and lure you in, granted I have been to Orlando 1.2 million times and never played mini-golf before but this time it was different. I was with Mel and she and I have this mini-competitive nature so what better than mini-golf? :)

What I didn't take into account was two very important things. The humidity and the people in front of us. Yeah. We did the 18-hole difficult course. Weeeeeeeeeee, how fun! It was the Pirate's Cove mini-golf center on International Drive. Fun! Fun! Fun! A'hem. Until hole # 2. By this time Mel's "patient nature" was being tested and I was wondering where the nearest hospital was because my body temp was rising to levels no human should experience. Of course we had Ireland's version of the Brady Bunch in front of us. I think there were 23 1/2 people in their group, or at least 6. Oh and they were VERY serious about the game. They each took their fair amount of shots, wrote down scores, did the "oohs and ahhs", high-fives and family photos each stop. I think two of them got engaged at hole # 8!? Hmm...

I didn't have water with me, it was starting to drizzle and Mel sighed 773 times. But amongst my "queeny" nerves and Mel's "princess" sighs we smiled and laughed and had fun up until hole # 15. At one point Mel hit her golf ball even though the Irish Brady Bunch was still playing. They looked at us like ugly Americans and drank their way to the next course, I mean, walked to the next course (I am going to hell, I know).

Mel and I lost all our competitive nature and started picking the ball up and putting it in the hole. The poor German couple behind us must've been so confused, both by our make-out sessions and ball drops. Also, by hole # 9 I was starting to take a mini-panic attack because I realized we were "trapped" on this course. There were no emergency exits. We would've had to walk over everyone's courses to get out. Trapped, no water, a sighing Mel, 100% humidity and water retention. Just imagine. But seriously, we had fun. We would do it again. Most likely if we rented out the entire place for ourselves! :)

The next day we checked out and headed to Panama City Beach. I found a great hotel rate at Hampton Inn (plus I had a $50 certificate to boot -- woo-hoo mom). I was a bit apprehensive about going to Panama Beach because every time I had gone I felt like I was in a beach version of 'Gangs of New York.' I was always so confused about what all the fuss was about in this area. Well, Mel and I found out. I had never driven down enough PLUS the entire area is getting a multi-million dollar make-over and is poised to become the next big thing. At the center of this makeover is PIER PARK. Wow, wow, wow, wow, wooooooooooooow. This entertainment complex is from the future. It is beyond cool and fun. Mel and I were mesmerized by the array of colors, shops, restaurants, technologically-advanced directories (Mel's imput) and entertainment options. At the center of it all is a NEW Margaritaville Cafe. Being the Jimmy Buffett Parrothead that I am (Mel is a baby parakeet), this was simply fantastic. Jimmy's restaurant overlooks the GORGEOUS, Panama Beach. Friday night we tried to have dinner there but the wait was 3+ hours!!!! We decided to go for lunch the next day. Walking around we decided to stop at The Back Porch, located next door to Margaritaville, for dinner. This huuuuuuuuuuge restaurant only had a 25 minute wait. We had been to this restaurant before in Destin and again, it did not disappoint (not to mention we had the sweetest waiter who I would set up with a single straight friend, if I had one, in a minute). I had, what else, the chicken..lol and Mel had salad with chicken on it.

A few steps down is, get this, TOOTSIE'S LOUNGE! Just like the world-famous one in Nashville, TN!! This honky-tonk club is not to be missed. It is the only other one in the entire world and boy was it hopping. A great guy, Jon Stone? was performing (he looked like Alan Jackson meets Kid Rock). The cool thing is, even though the inside was completely packed, they had chairs outside and their huge windows open so that you can look in. Mel and I had a great spot and watched a good portion of the concert - FOR FREE! One of the finalists from Nashville Star (a couple of years ago) works there and she got up to perform with the band. She was very good. I believe her name was Melissa.

We would've stayed longer but we were truly tired. A bit of advice, if you care about this stuff, 99% of the people there looked very wealthy and VERY fashionable. I was all wrinkled, Mel looked great of course, but we both felt like drowned rats. These people definitely dress to impress. I had never seen so many designer clothes, well, except for Destin. You may want to dress up a bit if heading here at night.

Pier Park is home to so many great restaurants and shops including what has to be the country's BEST Borders Books & Music. Mel and I didn't want to leave. This Borders had stations to listen and burn CD's and stations to print your photos and make books. It was very, very cool. An attraction in itself. Also in the plaza is a MGM Cinema and major department stores like Target and Dillards. Only phase one is done. I can't imagine was phase two will look like!?

PIER PARK IS NOT TO BE MISSED!!!! Trust me you will love it.

With that said Panama City still has that "Red Neck Riviera" charm as well. There were drive-though liquor stores, psychedelic stores that sold incense and porn, gas stops that I feared I would be shot in, tons of adolescent boys on mopeds beeping at each other, drunks with one leg on the sidewalk and one leg in the street, crusty/salty/beared men in their 50's/60's licking their lips, southern belles parading their botoxed faces and 13 year old girls with Dolly Parton make-up on --- and yet, this is what makes Panama City so much fun. There are lots of great restaurants and bars/nightclubs outside of Pier Park as well, including Club La Viva which is the COUNTRY'S largest nightclub!

The good thing is Panama City Beach has turned their image from spring break central to a more higher end image, or at least a mix of the both. There are new resorts, including a gorgeous Wyndham and Marriot and let's not forget the BEACH! Wow, St. Andrew's State Park has one of the best beaches in all of Florida, and the country (in my opinion). Mel and I stopped there on the way out of town the next day and was so happy to see the crystal clear, gulf water and white sand. Entrance to the park is $5.00 but all other beaches, including those on scenic 98 are free. St. Andrew's has also won "best beach in America" as well, and this one I can clearly see why.

I didn't feel like going into the ocean so I watched Mel in all her glory fish around. I felt like her body guard as I stood there, legs in the water, black sunglasses on, holding her purse and watching her every move (she is precious cargo after all). Some teen surfer-wannabe almost boogie-bordered his way into Melanie's crotch and caught my glare. The polite lad apologized and surfed on. Dude.

After Mel's dip and my semi-trip in the sand we headed to lunch at Margaritaville, which was of course, great. We then drove to New Orleans where we would spend the next two nights.

The drive from Panama Beach to New Orleans took roughly 6 hours. It was actually a very pleasant drive (we even got to see Destin) but boy am I glad Mel and I switched prior to Louisiana because that state, that beautiful, beautiful state, should be called LAND OF THE BRIDGES. There is no doubt you are driving over swamp land and marshes because there is one bridge after another. One of the most beautiful parts of I-10 West is seeing trees growing up from the swamps as you drive over them on the highway's bridges. The sun reflects off the swamp/lake waters in a way only Louisiana can provide. You can almost hear the frogs squawk, the alligators chomp and the crawfish being cracked. You can hear the Cajun/Zydeco music play and see the riverboats float down the bayou. Moss covered trees welcome you to Cajun Country. This state is truly unlike anything else in America. So unique.

I had mixed emotions about going to New Orleans. On one had I was very excited as memories I had were ones of fun, enchantment and excitement. On the other hand I had a bit of anxiety about seeing the sections battered worse by Hurricane Katrina. It was so strange because as we approached New Orleans there were these two rays of sunlight that forced there way out of the clouds, shining down on the city. It was like God's spotlights shedding light on this area. At least that is what it felt like to me. I want to say Mel was moved by this too but after driving the amount of time she did and going over some of the craziest bridges of her life, I think she was temporarily multiple and focused on getting her ass to bed or at least doing some school work. But there were moments when she realized where she was.

It got stranger as we approached the 9th and 8th ward areas. We could only see glimpses from the highway but the ghost-town atmosphere was almost too intense. There was an abandoned Walmart. Tons of plazas shut down. Like empty theme parks at twilight. Almost every other house had blue tarps on their roofs. There were huge X's in spray paint on houses with the number of deceased people and pets found. What an eerie feeling for an already eerie city. I felt myself overcome with emotion and I almost didn't want to go further but of course we did.

This city already has a history of ghosts, vampires and voo-doo. A lot of tragedy has given New Orleans this specific appeal. It is a city of warm-hearted, proud people who refuse to throw in the towel and give in. The people really get to you down here. Sometimes in a good way and sometimes in a bad way. The good way is the black woman in a beat up car so beat up you can't tell what brand it is, selling home-made pralines from her trunk and cold water. A woman who you can tell has experienced a lot but never lost her smile or love of life and still tries to get one step ahead. Or the friendly black woman who checked us in at the Springhill Suites Marriott that had such a warm, friendly, genuine smile that you wish she was your best friend. The kind, black teenage boy walking down the street that gives you accurate directions in a polite, kind manor even though it is close to 100 degrees out and humid or even the strange Australian woman working at the Vampire store that, although was strange and freaked me out a bit, was also kind and welcoming and authentic. These are the people that make New Orleans one of my most favorite cities. The down side are the drunk people. The people down and out that have given in to the hopeless outlook and choose to waste away on Bourbon Street. Sure the street is full of white, middle class, idiots looking for, what they perceive to be a good time, but truth be told it is also home to lots of, what I believe to be, local black men that would scare the shit out of shit. Their eyes a hung over yellow always seem to make an inappropriate comment to the girls that walk by -- including Mel who got a huge, "Helllllllllo" and I " I know where you got your shoes" weird comment. If a drunk frat boy said this it would've sucked, but this guy said it in an evil way. Like, I am glad we weren't in a dark ally. I am not stereotyping, this is just the way I feel. Some of the people around here are so down and out they just don't care. They want you, the happy tourist, to feel their pain in a very bad way. I always said Bourbon Street is the saddest street in America. Full of sin. I am not an overly religious person but I would have to say sin and evil live on that street. It is just a gut instinct and Mel felt it too. We, of course, didn't walk down this street - we drove by because we ARE tourists and you just have to see this street at least once in your life.

The French Quarter is spectacular. It is old. If Ann Rice was a street (or 12) she would be the French Quarter. There are gas lamps flickering everywhere. The houses are beyond old and yet still stand strong and proud. You almost feel like you are walking amongst ghosts. Cajun music blares out the tacky (yet fuuuuun) tourist shops and restaurants. The smells fill the air. Good smells of food and bad smells of hot beer and cleaning fluids. These streets have been scrubbed a million times and you can tell. There are antique shops and art galleries that even a blind person would feel compelled to explore. The art here is amazing. It makes you FEEL. It moves you. Art surrounds you in New Orleans. Mel was so moved she is on the prowl for art supplies. Actually Mel's art would sell quite well in New Orleans. Her art is just as inspiring and heart-felt as the artists I saw. I sincerely mean that. I could picture Mel selling her art work near Jackson Square. She would fit in perfect.

The first night we went for dinner at a MUST DO when in New Orleans, Mullate's (pronounced MULE - LETS .... not MUL - LETS like the hair....hehehehe). This authentic, Cajun restaurant has everything from frog legs, alligator and crawfish to some of the best bread pudding on earth. They also have live Cajun music and dancing. It is very family friendly and a great night out.

The next day we walked up and down Decatur Street and parts of Royal Street. We would've done more but the heat was making me turn into Anne Rice's next book character!!!!! We stopped for lunch at one of the more charming Margaritaville's, bought pralines, Alligator jerky (for my brother), black dolls for da mamas, post cards and other assorted goodies. We also drove by the gorgeous Garden District, St. Charles Ave. Afterwards we had to do what in many ways I dreaded, check out Jefferson Parish, where Katrina hit bad. Honestly I don't know what parish we were in, however, I do know we were in the lower 8th ward and it was BAD. I heard the 9th ward was hit worse than anywhere -- I can't imagine what that looked like after seeing what I saw.

When I say it broke my heart (and Mel's) it did. I mean, seriously. I felt compelled to take pictures and write about this. I am SO ANGRY at our government, out president, for the lack of action taken during Katrina - and now. Do you remember the news reports? People walking miles, through flood waters with dead people floating and body waste? No fresh water. No air conditioning. No fresh food. Do you remember the images of the Convention Center and Superdome? The babies crying? People dying on the street? The elderly sitting in their own waste? Think about being in the hot, hot, humid sun for 10-15 minutes. The average person would want to die. Throw up. Kill themselves and others. These people had to sit in that heat for 4-5 DAYS without ---- ANYTHING. This is AMERICA. News reporters were crying on TV. CRYING! Fucking Bush helicoptered his sorry, white ass in and put his arms around these poor people and offered hallow-words of comfort --- WORDS --- What about ACTIONS bush-fuckhead? You white, peace of shit. Sorry people. It is true. You got to helicopter yourself to an air-conditioned bed and hot meal and these poor people lay dying on streets of America. Just think about how uncomfortable they felt. Stop. Think about it. When was the last time you were stuck in your car without A/C? Feel nauseous? Imagine no cold water. No food. No A/C. No bathrooms. Dead bodies around you rotting in the hot, August, humid sun! :*( The streets Mel and I walked on harbored this heartache. I almost felt ashamed to be eating bread pudding with thoughts like this floating through my mind. Why was I there eating bread pudding and innocent, poor people died in the hot, August sun, less than 3 years ago? It's not fair. Thank God for celebrities like Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie who, being the humanitarians they are, are slowly helping the communities rebuild. Yes, Oprah has done stuff, but with their $$, so much more should be done. Hello Trump? Sigh. It sickens me.

As I took the pictures, I was filled with intrigue, rage and disgust. Mel was also. Mel was speechless actually. At one point she burst into tears and said "THESE POOR PEOPLE!" -- it was that moving. If you visit this section and aren't moved - you have no heart.

Later that night we went for Dinner at Hard Rock Cafe and called it a night.

We left early the next day for our 8-hour drive to Fort Worth, TX. The drive was good, thanks to Road Warrior Melanie, who I appreciate so much. I had never driven this part of Louisiana 1-10 West to 1-49 North to 1-20 West into Texas so she had to drive (just in case there were bridges). It was fun though. We stopped in Baton Rouge for lunch but got lost. We tried Lafayette but got lost....lol. By this point I had McDonalds and Mel went on a semi-psycho quest for Chinese food. Luckily we found mel some garlic-brocolli so all was well! :)

The second you cross into Texas everything IS TRULY BIGGER! No lie. For example, we stopped at the welcome center and was welcomed with a wall-sized, High Definition TV with the weather channel report. We drove past some of the biggest churches and big-ass plazas including Arlington Highlands Plaza. We were hungry so we stopped at Mimi's Cafe, which was a New Orleans type restaurant. WOW! What an adorable, delicious, awesome restaurant. The decor was classy, yet fun and the food portions huge. Mel and I split a chicken, pesto wrap and side salad as well as bread pudding. Ironically, even though we split the food --- we didn't finish it all! LOL! AND for being new guests of theirs they gave us 4 FREE, HUGE, MUFFINS! LOL! Nice! We only had one (this morning) and threw the other 3 out (sorry mom) because we didn't want to eat them all, and boy was it good.

We arrived our hotel, Courtyard by Marriott downtown Fort Worth, around 10:30pm and was instantly impressed with the city. It is gorgeous!

We are going to explore the city and head to historic Stockyards to see the Cattle Drive, shops and Billy Bob's Honkytonk (the world's largest).

I have femmed myself up to the best of my ability which means I am wearing red...sigh...lol.

Mel, well, she is just a lady. Simply gorgeous. Wish us luck!

Until next time.

Happy Travels!

-Des

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