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Santa Fe, Grand Canyon, Flagstaff, Via Sedona, San Diego, Via Corona, Via Torrance, LA
Day 21 - Monday
06.04.2009
So I learnt a little fact today - New Mexico is in the mountains (I knew that already) and so the altitude here is quite high (that is no the fact, wait for it). I learnt that this is the reason my nose hasn’t stopped bleeding for 3 days - lovely. I thought id start this week’s blog off with a bit of useless information for you all.
I sit writing this while I'm sat at the Grand Canyon waiting for the sun to set - it’s beautiful. But that is for making you all jealous later!
So Monday morning; we wanted to get a good start on our drive to the Grand Canyon as it was a 7 hour journey and as we were camping we didn’t want to put a tent up in the dark. However after morning chores, finding directions, buying warms clothes at the Good Will and getting a shit load of beer we didn’t end up leaving Santa Fe till 12pm - honestly we are appalling at time keeping. We did though gain another hour as we entered the Pacific Time zone. This didn’t help much as we still arrived as the sun was going down; it was a very beautiful sunset as we sat in a massive car queue I'm sure!
We arrived jus in the nick of time as the check in office was about to close. We were ‘first come first served’ customers (obviously we hadn’t thought to reserve a spot) so we had out fingers firmly closed that there was a space - There was, hurrah!
Because check in woman was moving at a snails pace with a rather large queue formed because of it she devised a cunning plan for a self check in service. This meant we found a free spot attached to a number on the map and simply drove to it and set up. This was all under the condition that we go back at 9am the next day and pay - a condition I'm sure we’ll put to the test tomorrow.
We found our little spot and immediately eye balled others with a camp fire - definitely a plan for later and a much needed one at that (as we were to find out).
The sun had gone down by this point so we were feeling the bite of the cold but we didn’t think it was too bad. We unpacked the tent and began to try and erect it in the dark as we foolishly got there too late. It turned out however that it wasn’t hard to do this due to the fact that it was a CHILD’S tent. At only $20 from Walmart and stating that it was actually 6’x 5’ we thought this would be fine as it was just big enough and “how cold can it be in America?” - The answer to that is FUCKING cold. It also turns out that 6’x 5’ is a LIE as neither of us could actually fit in the tent lying flat unless one of us lay diagonally across the tent and the other curl up in a ball in the corner like a cat. Gem wasn’t up for that suggestion (not sure why) so I got my ‘Carol Smiley’ on to make it feel a little more homely with sleeping bags and make shift bottom mats i.e. old jumpers from the Good Will. Hmmm I'm sure they will work brilliantly.
It was bitter by this point so we layered up wearing 3 pairs of everything and went off for firewood. Even by this point we were still optimistic that we would be fine!
Gem sorted food out while I built the fire. By this point we had given our selves brilliant and appropriate nick names - I was Gay Mears and Gem was Phyllis Fagg - you might see a theme there.
Phyllis and myself spent our time sat around the fire drinking beer, talking about girls (of course) and trying to find new and unused spots that we hadn’t already pissed in every time we needed the loo, which was a lot surprisingly drinking beer!
It was only 11.30 pm but Gem went to ‘bed’ as it was just too cold to put up with. I stayed up a little longer drinking and foolishly thinking “alcohol fuels fires so my beer must too” and poured part of my bottle out on to the fire. Of course it went out so I agreed with myself that beer wasn’t the best variety of alcohol to do this with. Not to worry though - Gay Mears to the rescue, I got the fire roaring again. Not for long though as I too started to feel the chill and went to bed.
Now, this is the part of the night that I would like to call ‘blind naive optimism’. After only a few hours it was perishingly cold. Even with our Good Will shit jumpers, beer jackets and child’s tent we just were not warm enough - funny that! By 2am it was clear that this was a BAD idea, we admitted defeat and hobbled over to the car where we spent the remainder of the night. It didn’t however make a slight bit of difference towards providing us any more heat but was fractionally comfier.
And we were worried that the beer wouldn’t stay cold!
Day 22 - Tuesday
07.04.2009
After waking up frequently throughout the night we couldn’t put up with it anymore so by 6am we were up and ready to start moving around to circulate the blood as we were showing signs of hyperthermia. The bonus of sleeping in the car was, we could just sit up and we were ready to leave - Gem could even stay in her sleeping bag. Not a very good idea for me although I probably could as a child could drive an automatic. Anyway we went to see if we could check out the sunrise as we were up so early but we had missed it by all of thirty minutes (brillo.) Instead we went and got hot chocolate and coffee and thawed out in the canteen.
The original plan was to spend a couple of nights camping at the Grand Canyon but there was no chance for that anymore so we devised a plan - spend the day exploring the Grand Canyon and then drive to San Diego with a stop off at Flagstaff on the way. Because it was so early and we knew we weren’t going to stay, we shot back to the campsite where we packed up and fucked off before we needed to pay - get in! $18 for that experience would well and truly be a rip off!
We got our shit together and decided to take the hike from Mohave point to Pima Point on the south rim. We would have loved to have hiked down to the bottom but jeans and Dunlops are not what make a good hiker and also we just didn’t have the time. Not to worry as we saw a shitload of the canyon on our little trail. Hardly any of it was railed off which was mad as you could easily plummet to your death at any point - if you were a clumsy fucker and tripped over a lot that is.
It was beautiful and impossible to capture how Grand and Canyon-y it was on film (not that that put us off taking a million photos, all from a slightly different perspective.)
It was VERY tourist-y as you can imagine; it even had a McDonalds and a cinema there! Once you got away from the crowds though it was really cool though just to sit and take it all in. We took full advantage of this when we decided to stay for the sunset and so had two hours to kill - we wanted to get there in plenty of time as we weren’t missing another one!
We were given a bit of advice from a random guy on the shuttle bus to go to a certain point where we would get a “spectacular view of the sunset”. We had not been steered wrong by the locals so far so we went and sat and waited. This unfortunately however turned out to be our first bit of shit advice as the sun was setting, not behind the picturesque orange rocks of the canyon but a tree covered mountain. Not the beautiful scene we had envisioned from the Grand Canyon but we stayed anyway. It wasn’t spectacular but of course we took pictures all the same, I am still on the quest to see a rocking sunset while I am here. After the tepid sunset we high-tailed it off to Flagstaff about an hour south of the canyon where we got some much needed showers and sleep.
Day 23 - Wednesday
08.04.2009
So from Flagstaff we had a 7 hour drive to San Diego but we had had a recommendation from my auntie and a random guy in the Canyon bus queue to go through Sedona as it was a very beautiful drive. It added an hour onto our journey but it was in the same direction and was definitely worth doing. It was a very picturesque winding road drive with red rocky mountains surrounding us. Gem drove the first leg so I got to take lots of photos - not that I needed any more pictures of red rocky mountains, but you know.
All in all Arizona is a very beautiful and visually-pleasing and you definitely need “visually pleasing” when you are driving such long distances. This however was completely different when we entered the border of California - flat, expansive vast of nothing to look at apart from clouds of sand blowing across the road which just make you want to be extra vigilant and drive like a grandma as you couldn’t see a fucking thing - that is not what makes a good road trip!
The only time there was something vaguely interesting to look at (and this was only due to the fact that we were so bored) was when we drove through mountains that could only be described as giant cat litter - not exactly what you would call picturesque but then we aren’t going to California for the scenery - the partying is what we seek (not dissimilar to everywhere else we’ve been really.)
One productive thing we did do was perfect our top 5 fit famous women, in hope that we would meet one of them in L.A and tell her “you have to sleep with me as you are on my laminated list.” Hmmm, I wonder if it would work?!
We got to San Diego late, tired and hungry so the next few events that were to take place grated the shit out us. There was a farmer’s market directly on the street of our hostel - brilliant if we could appreciate it but the hostel had failed to tell us about it and that whole area was blocked off to drive through. We managed to find parking and dragged our bags the distance to the hostel where we were to be greeted by a sign that said “Gone out partying - back later” - brillo. We waited for half an hour to only then be greeted by an amazingly rude man to check us in. And then to top it all off we got to our room and Gem was shouted at by Resident Evil 2 (aka a woman who was living in the hostel.) as she dared to ask for a bit of space under the bed - and we wondered earlier why this hostel was so cheap! It was safe to say it didn’t take us long to get on the phone and book another hostel for the next night.
This didn’t put us off though - we went off, ate fit Mexican, got pissed and played Shithead all the while avoiding the hostel twats. We did also meet and chat to Brett (a local) about American politics - a subject I of course know a lot about. It was a good job he was battered really.
Day 24 - Thursday
09.04.2009
We had to move our car by 8am and I was paranoid that we wouldn’t wake up in time so I was up by 6.30am - I wasn’t bothered though as unusually I didn’t have a hangover. I let Gem sleep and I trotted off to move the car and then went and sat on a very cold beach. As soon as Gem had reared her head and we had worked the free breakfast - the only good thing about the hostel, we busted a move over to the HI-San Diego hostel - the same chain of hostel as HI-Austin so we knew it would be a slight upgrade from the crappy hostel we were in at the moment. We dumped our shit straightaway and went off thrift shopping. It was a very successful trip with t-shirts and shorts all round. I even got a “very gay” (as described by Julie) festival hat - I think it’s utterly brilliant, I am sure you will all see it in future picks on Facebook.
That night the plan was to go out to a local lesbian bar and we actually found one that was Ladies Night - bonus!
Before we left we sat out on the courtyard and there was a guy and a girl playing table tennis. When this girl hit the ball over in our direction ‘accidentally’, my earlier suspicions were confirmed. She was a raving dyke - she gave Gem “the look.” She wasn’t nice though, so Gem wasn’t excited about this. We got chatting anyway and invited her along as at the time she SEEMED alright. In fact once we got to the club she had turned into an annoying little bitch, continually yelping at Gem to dance - we nicknamed her terrier (not to her face.) We also nicknamed her Shortie and Half Pint due to her tiny stature which we could tell she didn’t like very much especially when others who had just met her started to call it her as well, as she was so annoying however we didn’t mind this and thought it was quite funny.
Later we made sure she had a cab number and discreetly ran away.
Later than night we also met Dana and Stacy a couple of local dykes.
I spent the remainder of the night chatting to Stacy who tried to set me up with a horrible woman who thought because she bought me a drink she now had the right to stroke my back - urgh, I don’t think so. And Gem made her English moves on Dana and tried to convince her one-night stands are the way forward. She wasn’t having any of it but kisses were had so Gem was now happy.
Day 25 - Friday
10.04.2009
Very hungover today and I got woken early by overly active people who went to bed at 9pm. This meant though that I could go and hit the free pancakes and do some much needed soaking up of the alcohol lining my belly. After that I just slept for ages, I was going to do a surfing lesson but felt too much like shite.
So, we wanted to do something not too strenuous but also didn’t involve a thrift store or a mountain to hike as we both felt like we had been overloaded with such things recently. As we couldn’t think of anything and the idea of the cinema hadn’t sparked any chords as we were going later, we were bored - mad, I know being in San Diego but sometimes there are just these lulls.
This next part of the day is called “random free shit to do when bored and / or hungover.” We drove around and stumbled upon the San Diego Navy, it was touristy and free so we thought why not. It was better than sitting in the car niggling at each other as we were hungover and kept getting lost. We spent the next hour posing inappropriately next to navy monuments, climbing trees, and re-enacting Harold (from Neighbours) disappearance when he fell into the sea. All of which of course only became worthwhile when we took a million photos to document it.
Tonight we had plans to go to a drive-in cinema to see the Fast and the Furious 4. I was very excited about the whole experience and I was right to be - it was soooooo cool. The sound came through us tuning into a certain radio station and the car park was all concreted in such a way that when you parked up the car was angled up to the screen. Aside from the dead bug splatter on the windscreen annoying our view and the fact that we had so little petrol, that when it started to rain we couldn’t keep the wipers on the whole time, the experience was wicked - why don’t we have shit like this?!
The Fast and The Furious 4 is basically a car chase film with crazy bastard driving through the streets of America. It was a bit unusual driving away immediately after it finished as of course my remedial mind had taken on the persona of Street Car Racer and I had to hold back on the urge to drag race. It reminded me of the time when Rich and I as children went to see Three Ninja Kids and after we came out both wanted to be ninjas and began fighting with each other - not that I haven’t changed much or anything.
Day 26 - Saturday
11.04.2009
It was time to leave San Diego and head for L.A.
As we are both cool geeks / sad bastards (depending on your perspective) we had a few stops on the way.
First was to Corona, which is where West Coast Customs is located. For those of you not ‘in the know’, that would be where Pimp My Ride is made. I am not a major fan but all of the kids at work are obsessed with it, and I thought I can’t come this close and not check it out. Once we managed to navigate Google maps and its appalling directions and driving forty miles the wrong way (without realising) we found it.
It has an audience gallery where you can check out the garages through viewing windows, ‘pimped up’ cars all over the car park and show paraphernalia all over the shop. It was all very cool and they were filming at the time which was a bonus. I managed to poke my head through a security door once a cameraman had walked through so I could get a better picture. What topped it off was when we were leaving I recognised the main man who owns the place and does all of the mechanic stuff on TV - Ryan Friedlinghaus - Google him, you’d recognise him. Gem had no clue who he was but luckily I did so I asked him if I could have a photo with him. He was very cool and agreed. I told him about how I worked at a children’s home and how all of the kids love the show and are obsessed with cars although I know nothing about them. It was a cool experience and we were both stoked that it had gone so well which only excited us for and segued us perfectly into our next little detour…Buffy the Vampire Slayer’s house and school!!! Amazing! We were both very giddy.
Luckily it was a Sunday so when we rocked up to Torrance High School aka Sunnydale High and started taking photos we didn’t look like a couple of Pedos. After several self-timed shots including one where I was staking Gem with a discarded tree branch, we drove around the corner to see her house which was used in the first two seasons and then recreated on set. I kind of remembered the school but I was a bit disappointed in how little I recognised it. I wasn’t disappointed however by the house. I remembered it loads and so got a little more animated than usual which meant inside I was jumping for joy! I took several pictures even though it was still someone’s house, because of this Gem was whimpering in the background not wanting to get too close because she thought it was disrespectful. I didn’t mind though and had my photo taken by the tree in front of the house where Spike loiters around when perving on Buffy in season 6. For those of you that aren’t Buffy fans, you are missing out!! One day when I am a billionaire I am going back to buy that house, I’d love to live in Buffy’s house!
After our rather successful day of location spotting, we drove off to find our hostel for the next few days - the Banana Bungalow hostel in West Hollywood. We arrived there to a scene of party decorating. It was the hostel’s third year anniversary, with free beer and food for all - get in. The plan was to later hit up some El Gay-o bar but to first check out the party. Before all of this though we found our new room and our new roomies - Sam from Oz, and a British girl called Katy whose profession is a poledancer - haha, nice! They were both very nice girls and we sat chatting and exchanging the obligatory information. Sam was in L.A to go to acting school and was looking to live there and Katy was travelling through on her own. Both had been caught up in L.A life though and had been at the hostel for two weeks and counting, when both had only planned to stay for a couple of days.
On a side note, Katy was very comfortable with her body (understandable really) and so got naked a lot. This made Gem very uncomfortable as she didn’t know where to look. It was very funny for me to see her squirm hahahaha.
Anyway that night we got chatting to a couple of Scottish birds called Angie and Vala and chatted bollocks about Buffy - also fans. We then trotted off to The Palms club in west Santa Monica. It was supposed to be a banging lesbo bar and it was even on a Saturday but was in a word - shit (and very expensive). We decided to bust a move to The Abbey, mainly a gay guy bar but anything had to be better. On the way we met 4 Mexican lesbians and advised them not to go to The Palms but to come with us. It didn’t take much persuasion especially after they heard our accents. One of them was battered though and lying on the ground. It took Gem and her powers of persuasion (and the fact that apparently she sounds like Russell Brand) to get her moving.
One of these birds, who was cute but looked about 12, was trying to crack onto Gem, all the while Gem was trying to do the same to her friend. ‘Twas all very amusing.
The Abbey was heaving and due to the fact that it only had two toilets we were in the queue for the restroom for at least 45 minutes. Not to worry though as we got talking to a local woman, Rebecca who of course was very intrigued by our accents - we got chatting and we exchanged numbers to meet up the next day, marvellous.
Day 27 - Sunday
12.04.2009
We were near Venice Beach and it was actually sunny so we decided a bit of sunbathing was in order. It was a little windy but we thought we could handle that, being British. We headed off and hit the sand and we must have been there for all of 40 minutes before we realised we were just lying there shivering as it was so fucking windy. This was confirmed by my hair-o-meter aka my arm hair that was standing completely on end surrounded by goosebumps, (an ‘o-meter’ we check quite regularly) - we decided it was time to move on.
We walked along Venice boardwalk taking in all of the “atmosphere” aka crazy begging winos who had no qualms in blatantly asking people for money to fuel their alcoholism. One guy’s sign branded “World’s greatest wino” - money for songs and jokes.
We also saw Muscle Beach where all of the beefcakes go to show off their sexy bodies and stopped off at all of the market stalls and bought some rocking jewellery. Gem and I both got these leather bracelets showing off three religious pictures - mine had a picture of the pope as a baby, Joseph and a woman who can only be described as Glinda the good witch from the Wizard of Oz. Gem’s had much the same on (including Glinda) so of course we found this very funny and bantered with it till “the power of Glinda” was born. This stemmed off into several tenuous riffs that I won’t bore you with but that of course was very funny for us.
Later we got a call from Rebecca, the woman we had met at the bar the previous night, and she invited us for drinks - someone who said they were going to call and actually did - our faith in others was restored. We met her and her girlfriend Natalie and their two gay guy friends at the Spitfire bar where Natalie worked and so treated us to loads of free shit. Gem and I both ate for free and Gem got pissed on five free pints while I drank coke as I was driving. They were so incredibly hospitable it was brilliant.
Next week drunken debauchery is in order as its my birthday, cant wait!
Sorry it’s so late, wont happen again miss!
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jeanette
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crazy girls
loved the blog,and i felt really cold when you described your tenting experiences xx glad you decide to drink coke for a change sas xx your poor liver xx looking forward to your birthday blog xx love you xx