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Published: October 8th 2007
And so the adventure begins. I’m sitting in Newark airport awaiting the departure of my 14 hour flight to Delhi and the start of what will hopefully be an amazing life experience—6 months living in Nepal. I feel like since the day I received the email from Kathmandu that I had been awarded a Fulbright Fellowship that I have been anticipating this day. And now it’s hard to believe it’s actually here, and my 150 lbs. of luggage are on some conveyor belt somewhere in this massive airport waiting to be loaded on a huge plane.
Saying goodbye was difficult. I spent a weekend in PA saying goodbye to family and had 2 dinners (one a surprise) with friends to celebrate my departure. I am so lucky to have so many people who will miss me and await my return. Ken and I spent this weekend just enjoying each other’s company in between my packing, me vacillating between weeping and laughing hysterically from the stress, he giving himself pep talks out loud about how he’s going to use the time alone to sort out some things in his own life. In the car on the way to the airport he suddenly shouted, “Fuck!”
“What??” I asked.
“Nothing, I just had to get that out. Fuuuuuuck!” I think that pretty much summed up how we both were feeling.
They allowed him to go through security so that he could wait with me at the gate after I told the women at the Continental ticket counter that I was going away for 6 months. “And you’re letting her?!” the one asked. We sat at the gate coddling, trying to calm our stomachs, which were both jumpy.
“Michelle, I hope that you find what you’re looking for in Kathmandu, but I hope that you find what you really want is back in Manchester.”
Later on the phone once I landed in Newark, he told me again how proud he was of me, and how admirable it is that I am going after my dream (even though the whole thing has me a bit nervous), and how he is happy to support me in this pursuit. That is how I know I am in a relationship with a man of value—although he’s sad to see me go, he totally supports me. I don’t think he totally understands when I tell him men like him are hard to come by, and that I am extremely thankful to have found him in a shitty Indian restaurant in East Hartford. And although I have no regrets about going on this trip, I already can’t wait to come home to him.
What am I looking for on this trip? This isn’t an attempt to “find myself,” like international travel is for so many people in their 20s. I think I figured out a lot about myself during my first trip to Nepal. I think this time I am looking to find balance in my life. I’m treating this trip like a sabbatical—sure, I have a research project to pursue. But maybe just as important is my desire to find a balanced life perspective and to realign my priorities. I want to learn to limit the number of hours I work and how much I take on. I want to learn not to be so anxious about what comes next. I want to study yoga with a real yogi and learn how to focus on internal energies. I want to learn from my Nepali friends and family how to put relationships before work. And I want to learn how to live in the moment. What better place to do this than a spiritual Mecca for so many people (Hindus, Buddhists, hippies) than Nepal?
If I achieve these goals, maybe this can be a new spiritual start for me. So much is so good in my life, but the one thing I have not mastered is how to live in the moment and avoid stress (like many Americans). Hard to do in a culture that values fast delivery at maximum efficiency and profit. But if I can learn the Nepali way of life and hold onto it for a length of time, perhaps my own life (work, health) will benefit.
And so it begins.
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jerry k
non-member comment
I can relate.
Took a few trips like this myself, but my head wasn't as well screwed on as yours is so I didn't get as much out of them as you hopefully will. Stay safe and take it all in!! You are in our thoughts.