The Beard that Refused to Die

It started with a mistake. A simple mistake. I had been calling around town looking for a barber shop that still did the old time straight razor shave and I was so excited when I found one that I neglected to ask if they take walk ins. Come to find out Tonsorial Parlor shop in Bozeman is an appointment only establishment. So after getting over my disappointment I decided to shave myself (like I usually do), but really go above and beyond the call of duty in preparation for my Comprehensive Exams next week. After being inspired by my friend, Emile, and reading some online shaving forums (Badger & Blade and Shave My Face) I started steaming a fresh towel over the stove. If there is one thing that helps soften the beard and relieve stress from studying, it is a steamed towel in the face. Don't believe me? Give it a try, hell do it right now. Go grab a towel, throw it over a boiling pot of water and than throw it on your face, you will be the envy of your coworkers and peers! So after preparing my face, I went into the bathroom and started up the old electric razor. That's when the battle began. The beard sensed its demise was at hand and engulfed my electric razor in a battle to the death. Unfortunately my razor's battery doesn't hold a charge like it used to and much like a lawn mower trying to cut down a forest, the motor sputtered, coughed, and died. The beard had won the battle, and the score was Beard: 1 Luke: 0.

No way was I going to let this beard get the best of me (especially since I was missing a large patch of hair under my chin and my beard was WAY uneven) and where electricity had failed surely man power would succeed! So I went to the kitchen, grabbed a pair of scissors and a comb and went back to war! I combed and clipped and combed and clipped some more, hair fell and fell again until it looked like a small hairy badger had been shaved in my bathroom! That would show that beard who was boss, or so I thought (Beard: 1 Luke: 1).

I grabbed the disposable razors (though I'm now seriously thinking of investing in a straight or double edged razor) and went to town to finish the job. That damned beard was crafty, it realized I had bought sub par razors from Wal-Mart and clogged up not one, but TWO disposable razors Beard:2 Luke: 1.


I rinsed off my lather and waited for my electric razor to regain its charge so I could deliver the coupe-de-grace to my face. The final battle was underway; it was beard vs. boy and only one could walk away the victor! When the electric razor roared back to life, the beard knew it's time was up. It quivered in terror as pieces of it flew off from my face and when the hair had cleared, there sat a scruffy me.Beard:2 Luke:2

It was a tie and we went into sudden death! So I lathered my face back up and went to town with a disposable to clean up the remaining insurgents from my face. Final Score Beard:2 Luke: 3.

Next on my hit list: my hair.

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