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Sometimes the jokes just write themselves.
So today I learned that karma is a bitch...a bitch with feathers, a loud voice and a massive sense of humor. Apparently, my early-riser in Rockland has a MUCH shittier cousin in the Springfield area that he sent specifically to torment me. His dulcet voice woke me from a sound - and admittedly far better sleep than I'd been expecting in a $46 bed - at 5 minutes to 4am today. There was no sun - hell, there wasn't even the faintest HINT of a sun. It was pitch black outside, yet this overachiever felt a need to sing his praises to the coming dawn.
Again, I digress.
By 5:45 I'd used up all the stamina I had to stay in bed...a decision helped along by Kennedy in the next room packing, repacking, shuffling around and "MYYYYYYYY-MY-MY"ing since about 4:30 - and rolled out of my surprisingly comfortable bed to get the day started. By 6:45, I was seated at a table at the fine Springfield Cracker Barrel, where I learned the meaning of two things:
• Early-morning waitresses are there for a reason: they're physically incapable of managing a weekday
lunch rush. Despite Bob and I being 2 of 4 people in a 250 seat restaurant, by time the milk I requested for my coffee arrived the coffee was gone - as was the three TINY, starling-like eggs, the bacon and sausage that made up my "double meat" breakfast.
• My Cousin Vinny taught me more about life in the South than I thought, most especially about the difference between real grits and instant grits. My bountiful repast was accompanied by a bowl of semi-solid paste that the waitress identified as the house specialty. Kennedy later more accurately described them as "the kind of food a starving Civil War soldier would have sent back".
Heading out(with my newly-found Beanie as my co-pilot) we left the straggling prairies of Illinois for the first hills we'd seen since leaving O'Hare. Before crossing into Missouri, I was treated to being pulled over by the nicest, cleanest cut Illinois police officer in history. I swear, this kid squeaked when he turned around too fast. He'd planned on pulling me over when he clocked me doing 45 in a 30 mph zone. His decision-making process apparently got a lot easier, however when I blew
through the second of two consecutive stop signs in his podunk little town due to inattention. I questioned his motives, and posited theories about his lack of sexual prowess and appeal...right up until the time he stepped up to my window. Then I "yes, officer"d the shit outta him.
Some other highlights:
• I saved a turtle in Grey Summit, MO. He was sitting in the middle of the road as we tore past him, and I felt guilty enough a half-mile later that I turned around to move him off the road.
• We visited the largest rocking chair in the world, and at the gift shoppe attached Kennedy introduced me as his "cell-mate" for the second time in 2 days.
My favorite moment, however came late in the day when we pulled into Uranus, Missouri. There I found the water tower with the slogan proudly proclaiming the town as "Home of the Pirates".
Like I said, sometimes the jokes just write themselves.
Tomorrow, we head to the southern reaches of Missouri. Then a quick 15-mile flirtation with Kansas and we're into OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-klahoma (where the wind....yeah) and the true beginning of the soutwest.
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