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Published: April 30th 2015
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And so it begins....
5am came around VERY early. Wicked early. Early enough that the super-annoying bird that lives outside my house hadn't even gotten started. For those that don't know, I have a bird living right outside Eileen's bedroom window that is the working definition of an over-achiever. Pretty much every day, long before even the merest hint of light has appeared on the horizon, this little bastard is CHIRP-DE-CHIRPY-CHIRP ad infinitum. I've been imagining many creative ways to off this bird for the last several weeks, though to date I've not done anything precipitous.
I digress...
So today I was up even before he got started, and after a quick goodbye with my lady love (who SWORE she was going to get up with me...O'o) I was on my way to Hull to pick up Kennedy. He was ready to go...had been ready to go since about 3:30am (surprise!) and within minutes we were on our way to Logan, an aeroplane and the long road to Los Angeles.
The plane ride, easily the least interesting part of this journey, was largely uneventful. Arriving at O'Hare, we made our way to the Budget Rent-A-Car building, where
a very nice Russian lady allowed us to talk ourselves out of what is (in retrospect) a ridiculous amount of money to upgrade from the Chrysler 200 I had reserved to the NEON FUCKING YELLOW Ford Mustang Convertible that we drove off the lot. To be fair, she didn't have to work very hard - they only had it parked by the door like one of the Temptations of Job. And no...I cannot resist the red, candy-like button (Ren and Stimpy reference, sorry).
Getting to 66 in Chicago just didn't happen - the NFL Draft is taking place in Grant Park Chicago tomorrow night, which just so happens to be the Eastern terminus of the Old Route 66. What that meant was that every street corner was flooded with "Traffic Managers" who did very little good but made it a point to know nothing...and do so loudly.
SIRI to the rescue. We found Henry's in Cicero, a staple of the old route where they serve a diabolical combination Hot Dog with a pickle, hot peppers, onions, mustard and fries all on the bun. The sign proclaims that one of these treasures is "a meal in itself".
I
had two.
Waddling back to the car, we made our way south and west, following (for the most part) the original route wherever we could. Along the way we met the Gemini Giant and Tall Paul, two of the four "Muffler Men" famous along this road. For the uninformed, these are 20' tall statues that decorate the side of the road. In olden days, they were used to advertise eating establishments along the route. Today, they are their own advertisement - a throwback to a very different time and a unique view of the world.
Over the next several hours, we'd pass by small towns, big towns, small cities and lots and lots of wide-open Illinois flatness. This is a very flat State. Seriously. I didn't see A hill today. Some highlights:
• the three sets of genuine Burma Shave signs that we passed somewhere between Normal and Funks Grove (I'm not kidding - these are actual town names). My favorite read "Why is it When - You try to Pass - The Other Guy - Goes Twice as Fast? - Burma Shave."
• Ambler's Texaco - once a working Full Service Station, now more of a roadside
attraction than anything else.
• Windmill farms....they go on forever out here.
So yeah...now in a Motel 6, stuffed with a very passable gumbo from a steakhouse down the road and looking at tomorrow. 15 miles to Springfield and then...who knows?
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