Published: December 7th 2009December 7th 2009
Busyness, packed days, and drinking out of a delicious fire hose is what defines my life as a YWAMer right now, but I love it! I wish that I had more time to write a weekly entry but it just seems that I can only get in a monthly one right now. I will try harder to maybe write every two weeks. It has been another AMAZING month and a half here at YWAM Mpls. I have given you all a nice long entry to update you on some of the things that Jesus is revealing to me, and teaching me, and also some things that I just see of him throughout my day. So, grab a snack and a drink and sit back and read away!
Everyday when I spend time with the Lord I have come to the realization that my spirit and attitude are for the most part joyful. I have always seen my “God time” as sitting quietly, reading His word, and praying, which is good, but God also wants me to have fun with him! I have learned to “mix-up” per say my “God time.” Now, I do the things that I just mentioned as well as dancing with him, singing, walking, climbing trees, watching the sunrise with him, riding my bike and sometimes I don’t even read my bible! But it is ok! Our “church culture” has taught us that we have to read the word every single day in order to be a good follower of Christ. But here is what I have learned and what has been revealed to me. We have a relationship with God just like we have earthly relationships. Now, our relationship with Christ should be deeper and #1 before any of the others here on earth. But just like our relationships here on earth, there are some similarities. When we spend time with people, do we always have “deep” and “meaningful” conversations with them? NO! We have fun with them as well! That is exactly what Christ wants with us as well! Before I learned that God wants to have fun with us along with reading his word and getting to know him through that, I would feel guilty and looked down upon if I didn’t read the bible. Now, maybe that was just my own personal struggle, but I have now learned more about the true character of Christ. He wants to be intimate with us, but he also wants to have fun with us! Dance with God, sing, take a bike ride, climb a tree or bake something with Him, it is so refreshing!
Intercession and prayer was amazing a few Tuesdays ago at the end of October. While we were singing, the Haitian, Yveto (pronounced eve-toe), started playing an amazing tune that was not part of any worship song we were singing. About three other people started singing with the heavenly tune that he was playing. Bonnie, the base counselor was standing next to me and started singing as well. The music and singing were so beautiful that I just closed my eyes and listened. Then it was like something welled up within me and I started singing along as well! We were all in perfect tune together! It was beautiful and it felt like we were in heaven! Then, something amazing happened. More voices joined in! I opened my eyes and looked around to see who else was singing but it was still just the same five of us and Yveto playing! I closed my eyes again and stood in awe of the beauty of the music. After the singing and playing subsided, Bonnie and I turned to each other and smiled. I said that I was blown away by what had just happened! As we were talking about how it sounded like there were more voices than those of us that were actually singing, we knew that the Holy Spirit had manifested on Yveto’s hands and that Gods had sent some angels to join in song with us. That morning, I believe we got an extremely small glimpse of what heaven will be like when we get there someday.
God has been teaching me so much about waiting on him and focusing on where he has me right now in life. As I mentioned in the entry before this one, my plans for Haiti started to change. Wick Nease came and taught on “Fulfilling Your Destiny.” He spoke a lot about India and the ministry that God wanted him start called Streams of Mercy. When he talked about that, I felt so drawn toward it. I started asking God why that was and that I wanted to go to Haiti to do his work. He was very silent, I wasn’t receiving a lot of response from Him. As I was talking to some staff members, Damon and Deborah, about what I was going through, God spoke so clearly through Damon. Damon asked me “Kirstin, many times when we are drawn to something, or have a passion for something or a nation, we forget to ask God some key questions.” “What do you mean” I replied. “Kirstin, have you asked God when HE wants you to go?” I answered straight out “Nope, I have never prayed about Haiti at all. I have just gone about making my own plans to go thinking that it was God guiding me.” I continued to talk to Christ about it to see where he would lead me and to see how he wanted to use this passion for Haiti I had inside me. Once again, silence from God. A couple weeks later, I was in prayer right before the church service that I go to. I was sitting by my friend Amanda and she asked me how DTS was going. I then told her that is what going so well and that God was teaching me so much. She then said “Now you leave for a year soon don’t you?” “ I am not sure if I do, God might be delaying that or changing my plans. But I know that the passion for Haiti is there, I know that without a doubt that God has given me that passion.” Right after I said that God had given me the passion, I had this yucky, un-peaceful feeling inside of me. I didn’t say anything about it to her and we went into the service. That week, Dave Stilwell came to teach on “Your Place in World Missions.” That Thursday night at friend and family night, he taught for the whole base and any guests that were attending. At the end of his teaching, he had us get into groups of four and pray for anything that came to mind. I had this feeling inside of me that I had so much stuffed in and I needed to let something go but I didn’t know what it was exactly that I needed to let go of. I voiced that immediately to Jesus and just prayed that he would reveal to me what it was that I needed to let go of. The feeling went away but Jesus didn’t reveal to me what exactly I needed to let go of, again silence. I kept talking to him and seeking him to reveal to me knowing that he would be faithful and in His time, we would tell me. The following Monday morning in prayer and intercession I had the same built up feeling. It was stronger and more overwhelming than before that I started crying and talking to Jesus about it. “Why do I have this feeling? I know that I have to let go of something but I am lost as to what that is Jesus! What is it? Pleas reveal it to me!” Then he spoke gently into my thoughts “Kirstin, you need to let go of Haiti.” That is all he said and needed to say. I went out of the room sobbing with Deborah following right behind me. She asked me what was going on and I explained to her what had just happened. God then gave me a revelation that the passion I had was not from him. I had created it myself from working at Feed My Starving Children for 2 ½ years and hearing about Haiti all the time. After a few minutes of talking with Deborah, I felt an insurmantible amount of peace come over me. I knew that I had truly let go of Haiti and handed it over to Jesus and that it was the right thing to do. My life is now one big question mark after DTS. I have let go of all the plans that I had and am focusing on DTS, what is current in my life knowing that plans after DTS will be made clear in God’s perfect time. God has wiped the slate clean for me. He is starting HIS plan for me all over. The day before Thanksgiving, I took Kelsie, one of the students to the airport for Thanksgiving break. While we were waiting in line for her ticket, I saw a woman next to us and she was wearing a t-shirt that had “mission project” on the front. I asked her where she was going. She replied that she and her teammates were going to Haiti for a week. I was caught off guard a little and thought it was funny that Haiti was brought up after I had just let it go. When I got back in the car I told Nate, one of the other students about what had just happened. We both laughed about it and then he said that when we make our own plans, God changes them and takes them away so we can truly focus on him. Then, in His time, he may, not always but sometimes give them back as a gift but then they are his plans. It kind of confused me at first, but now it makes perfect sense. Is that what God is doing? Is he taking away and then giving back? That is something that I will have to truly wait and see about. Some verses that have helped me to remember that Christ is in control and will reveal his plans are Jeremiah 29:11-14, Deuteronomy 28:2, Ephesians 1:9-10, Revelation 21:5-7, Proverbs 3:5-6. I encourage you to look them up because if I wrote them all down, this entry would be way to long. I pray that God will reveal things to you through these verses as well.
THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU! Thank you everyone for all of your prayers and support for our India outreach! Last week when I had sent all of you the India team newsletter, we needed $14,000. Well, we just had another meeting today and Jesus is definitely the ultimate provider. We need now (drum roll please) $4,000! Praise the Lord! Our travel agent Carol is such a blessing as well. She said that we would only be able to reserve the tickets that were $1321 until December 3rd. She is now able to hold them until this Friday, December 11th but the same price! We should have all our money in my this friday to pay for the tickets. God is so good to those who love him!
1. Waiting on the Lord for my future plans and patience in his revealing the plan to me.
2. Focusing on the present in my life, DTS and what God wants to teach me and do in me and in India.
3. Relationships will continue to grow here at YWAM, remember to be honest with each other and communicate.
4. Unity in my team that is going to India and the other team that is going to Peru.
5. Continued financial provision for our India Team.
Thank you all once again from the bottom of my heart for your prayers and support. You are all such a blessing, more than words could ever tell! I can't do this without you! I will write again right before I go to India at the end of December
1. Send the check to:
Youth With a Mission Minneapolis
C/O Kirstin Miller
PO box 268
Rockford, MN 55373
2. YWAM Mpls will then mail you a receipt in the mail for your tax-deductible gift.