Published: January 1st 2010December 31st 2009
YWAM-Mpls Fall DTS '09-'10 India Team
Back Row: Nate Reer, Kelsie Bartolomeo, Jordan Wilke, Jono DuPreez Front Row: Lisa Law (Trip Leader), Hayley Senger, Teirney Bergstedt, Cristal Barrera (Trip leader), Kirstin Miller
Some have been asking me for the past couple weeks “Kirstin, how are you feeling about going to India soon?” I stop and think about it to myself “Hm, how do I feel? Am I excited or anxious? Scared or feeling courageous?” Then it comes to me, I am not sure how I feel. That is the exact feeling I have. I tell them “I am really undetermined on how I feel.” They sort of step back and say to themselves “Huh, interesting.” At first I worried about this “Jesus, is it bad for me to not have any exact feeling?” Then I was reassured that I was not dysfunctional because I don’t have a determined “feeling.” A couple weeks ago while thinking about going to India and seeing the lepers and yes, even touching them, I was filled with so much fear and unbelief. I felt weak, like I was not able to go travel for almost 2 months in a foreign country. “Going to India Lord? Can I really do this? What are you thinking? I can’t do this! I am not strong enough!” I said to him. But then I was reassured by Him speaking so clearly through Proverbs 3:5-6. “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways, acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.” Whoah! I had read that verse so many times but this time it brought such a new meaning to me in my weakness! Jesus was telling me “Give me your fear, oh princess of mine. I will work through you to give you the strength you need to do the hard work I have set before you. It will not be easy, but it will make you so strong in me. All you have to do is trust me Kirstin, my beloved daughter.” “Trust has been a hard thing for me to do with you Abba. I know that you are big enough and powerful enough to take ultimate control and perfect my life, but it is so hard!” I have trusted him with this seven-week trip to India. I have to keep telling myself to mentally do it every single day “Here it is Lord, here is my time in India. I am standing with my arms wide open to you to do what you will with me and through me what you desire, and not my own desire. I am a open book with blank pages ready for you to write on.” Since I have been giving this time to him and focusing on that and not on anything else, trying to totally surrender, I think I have someway also given my emotions to him as well, or he has taken them away so he can create his emotions that he desires within me. Usually when I am about to go on a trip, I am filled with excitement and anticipation for what is to come. Right now, thinking about India, I just want to be there already. Myself and the team, have been talking about it and doing preparation for it for so long that we just want to be there! I think that we are all trying to learn patience, and realizing that this time that we have to prepare, will be used to its best, God is pruning us.
This will be the last update entry that I will write, possibly until I return from India. The team and I are unsure of what the Internet access is there. We will have a team blog that we will be updating periodically, depending on the access of the Internet. I will give you all the link to that once I know what it is since I am not sure if I will have time to update you all personally. Please be praying for all of us as we set out on this amazing journey that Jesus has for us in the next two months:
1. Safety to and from India and while we are there. That our bags would get through customs and would not be over the maximum 50lbs weight amount.
2. That we would have unity within the team. Communication is something that will help build unity while we are there. If there is a problem, or something feels off in a certain situation, that we would voice that and talk about it instead of stuffing it down inside of ourselves for it to build up and explode.
3. All nine of us team members would have open hearts to what the Holy Spirit wants to do in us and through us. Also that the Indians would have open hearts to what the Lord has to say through us to them.
4. That we would all have faith that the Holy Spirit can work through us to heal many people and bring them to an intimate knowing and relationship in Jesus
5. That our health would stay strong. Myself, and a few others are already sick with colds and we do not want to be sick in India! Pray for strong immune systems!
6. All of us have been running hard the last few days to prepare for going to India. Therefore, we have not been able to get that much rest and sleep. Pray that on the way there, we will all be able to sleep on the plane rides and at night while we are India.
7. That I would continue to have open arms and an open heart to Jesus and what he wants to do in me. That I would have faith and believe in him.
8. Protection from the spiritual darkness is very needed. India is an extremely dark place, the dominion of Satan is strong there. Pray the he does not get through to us, and the people we are ministering to.
9. Pray for each of us by name with whatever God puts on your heart!
Thank you all again so much! I still cannot express enough of my gratitude in words. But Please know that you all have helped make this happen with your prayer and financial support! I cannot do this without my brothers and sisters in Christ backing me up! Blessings to you and I will talk to you all sometime in the future!