Team Handsome MVP '07

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As football season approaches, my mind turns to competition and achievement. And while, in the NFL, the greatest individual accomplishment is the league MVP, there is another award that outshines even that prestigious title. Of course, I speak of the glorious Team Handsome MVP Award. No other accolade speaks to an indiviual's total lack of regard for their mind, body, soul and criminal record than this award. Past winners include: Brady ('04); who can forget the infamous Brady-Fall-Down segment of our video on the porch of the old BeachBreak? Brion grabbed '05's rookie of the year honors, but since we haven't added a rookie since, he is the only one with that distinction. Then there is Dave ('05 & '06). He's the reigning MVP, but never has he faced such stiff competition coming from the field. What follows is a short list of some of the best public displays of Handsomeness for this season.

Sweatman: On a business conference in Philly (on a Tuesday night mind you), this candidate brazenly went into an Eagles bar and proudly talked-shit. He represented the Patriots boldly, and at some point began to realize he might be attacked. So, when asked to leave, what did he do? Go quietly into the night, tail between his legs? No! he snuck into the bathroom and "upperdecked" their toilet! A few weekends later, stumbling around a casino, this same man barged into the room of a bunch Japanese tourists. It was well past 3 am, and Sweatman just let himself into their hotel suite, helped himself to a beer from the fridge and stood there chugging it while they screamed at him in Japanese.

Guidi: Guidi's always money, but one instance that really stands out from this season was relayed to me by Bryan, his roommate. Apparently, while celebrating their new apartment in Peabody, a girl offered to buy a round of shots. The liquor arrives, and everyone consumes. However, things do not sit quite right for Guidi at this point. As Bryan tells it, Guidi puts his hand to his mouth and and starts to puke. He literally pukes on FIVE!!! people in his general vicinity, including the girl who purchased the shot. Shirt covered in vomit, Bryan makes Guidi go to the bartender and pay their tab, because, as Bryan claims, " it was his turn, and I wasn't gonna pay it."

Gibbons: I have no idea where to begin here. You've all read his accounts in Mexico on one of our previous blogs. If it hasn't been re-posted since the server crash on this site, I'll make sure it is. It's a bender of Hunter-esque proportions. Also, he's been tearing Louisville, KY a new asshole for a year now. His emails and voice messages have been outstanding. His most recent exploit from last weekend... ahhh, i don't know if i can even publish it. Seriously, it's that bad. Needless to say, after that, those in the know say he's in the lead.

Dave: The defending champ. He's loud, rude and my weekly partner in mayhem. He's got red hair. You read about what we do every week.

I'm not the end-all-be-all judge of this stuff. I'm just throwing it out there. There's more good stuff that I can't remember right now, because I lead Team Handsome in the most-often-banging-my-head category, so I forget things. Needless to say, winter is coming, and that's when the reall weird stuff happens. I'll keep a running commentary on the MVP race, and readers should feel free to leave comments that add to these players' exploits or nominate new people.

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Photos

Sweatman
Always sporting a middle finger.

Guidi
Tizzy, Who izzy?
He's Guidi, BITCH!!

Gibbons
Gettin down w/ the video-tech teacher...sorta

Dave
D-A-V- to the fuckin'- E!

Comments

[Gibbons]

Thanks and glad to see the blog back.
Thank you for considering me for this years MVP Nomination. Its good to know that my insane, extremely inappropriate behavior is applauded somewhere, even as people in Kentucky look at me with a combination of awe and terror. I got blacked out midday yesterday, as my boss took everyone to the strip club. I went after work to drink with my buddy's wife and mom. I started swearing very loudly and as I was being thrown out of the bar I cursed out a group of senior citizens that had been complaining about my language. I went to a hippy bar, got some beers, and was told by the waitress to watch my language, as I was cursing and yelling nonstop. I went across the street to a liquor store, got a bottle of tequila, went back to the hippy bar. I did shots in the kitchen with the cooks and dishwashers. Back at the bar, I dipped underneath and chugged from the bottle. On the walk home I puke walked, walking and puking simultaneously for nearly the entire walk.

[danielle]

mvp
i am 100% behind mr. mike gisbbons, even though there is a place in my heart for all the nominees. he left me a most outsanding voicemail in the form of a rap while drunk in a bar last week. it was priceless. and who can forget the projectile vomiting on that one faithful paddy's day? that never gets old.

[Team Handsome s Knuckleheads]

You See, THIS is what I'm talking about!!!
Mike, it's this dedication to your craft that has landed you squarely in the Hall of Fame. I also like the new story, so if people want to elaborate on this with other tales, here would be a good place to start.

[Furrey]

I pretty much get baked and watch dvds these days.. Mike's a staple candidate for '07 and every year leading up to it. He's our Ortiz, puttin up strong performances and coming through late (at night) in clutch style. I haven't drank with Mike in '07 though, but in no way does that mean I doubt his candidacy. After all, I read the mexico blog, too. I was on the phone with Bryan later after Guidi puked that night. He had called to share the moment with me. While we're catching up, I get a text from Guidi. It was very simple: "I just puked in a bar." The dude's got such great comedic timing that he can do it without fucking trying. And his texts are the shit when he's hammered. Plus he smokes more weed than Robert Parish. He's our Manny. The child in you will never allow you to dislike him. Guidi's my frontrunner. Randy's behavior from all of '06 would've put any of us to shame, however. Dude once got hammered and snorted meth and fucked a crazy cougar in the jacuzzi room in the motel he managed. Too bad he never was on the team. Sweatman is Theo Epstein. No jew jokes, either. keep an eye on Gibson as a sleeper, especially if he's spending 50% of his day with Damien. I don't really know those other dudes.....

[Team Handsome s Knuckleheads]

Jay Brings Solid points to the table...
I love the Sox analogies, and I too got contacted from Guidi right after the puke incident. He called me and described it just as Drury did, only he was driving and had music blaring in his car. Didn't mention that in the original text cause it was a rush-job. Sorry.

[anonymous]

Gibbons '07. Though I only got to hang out with him a few days this year his stories are amazing. Some are too handsome for words. He also co-wrote and produced the classic song, "DAVE gave you AIDS". Gibbons '07, anyone else would be an injustice. It would be like when jeter won the gold-glove over alex gonzalez . . . pure bullshit

[Team Handsome s Knuckleheads]

Dear Anonymous
All good points, but we must keep in mind that this is '07's MVP race. If we were going on past glories, the race would have more horses. The Drury/Gould roommate stories of WSC come to mind... However, when the official Team Handsome website goes up, there will be a place for classic Handsome tales as well.

[Gibbons]

Remember
I'm glad to see all this support, and thanks to all who've pledged in my honor, but I just want to reiterate a very important aspect of the Team: no matter which one of us wins, society loses. This is a very important aspect to this race of champions...

[Team Handsome s Knuckleheads]

Agreed
Great point, Mike. I also love the continuing commentary and interest by others. I want everyone to keep in mind that the season isn't over until year's end. This is just a to-date highlight of the frontrunners. Collin made a great point; Sweatman's gonna get a whole weekend in Vegas in less than two weeks. Anything can happen then.