A Day In Chatham (and our first concert)

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We start our adventure in the quaint town of Chatham. For those who aren't aware, Chatham is the richest town on the Cape, which is saying something. So, when in the richest town, where do you head to? Why, the fanciest establishment in the entire town, of course, the Chatham Bars Inn. Let's set the scene: It was Sunday and sunny, so usually we head to the outer beach in Orleans, after harrassing every girl in our phones, and getting responses from something like 3 of them. However, because the stupid Piping Plovers are nesting, my $180 beach sticker is about as useful as tits on a bull. So, our friend Brandon (who bartends at the CBI) invites us to his beach bar. This will prove to be a decision he will come to regret, and may eventually cost him his job. We arrive at noon and leave the truck with the valet service. Brandon is late for work, as usual, 'cause he was styling his hair (see photo). He then concocted a rum drink that was as red as Dave's hair, which we now call: The Dave Rice. After inhaling enough booze to kill a village, we asked if we could use the pool. Think of the scene in Caddyshack when the caddies get 15 minutes in the pool. It was like that only there were cocktail waitresses. Teenage cocktail waitresses. We had them running back and forth to the bar, as we continued to consume Sam Summer Brew as if it were the nectar of life. Around 3:30 some of the staff announced the beginning of the CANNONBALL CONTEST. Obviously, Dave and I signed up, to the shock and horror of the parents of the other contestants... 6-10 year olds. There were several events, including BIGGEST SPLASH, SMALLEST SPLASH, FUNNIEST SPLASH, and ANIMAL SPLASH. Though Dave started strong, the booze quickly leveled the playing field, and my strong performance in the ANIMAL SPLASH (a combo of a monkey, a donkey and an alligator) left me the victor. Dave was second, and the children of rich parents got their first taste of failure. Bitter, eh children? Get used to it, landscapers rule! Leaving the pool, we went back to the bar. Our friends were not as impressed with our victory as we hoped they'd be. We continued to drink, but more frequently now, Brandon had to keep reigning Dave in, and reminding him about profanity around the diners. We impressed people with my homemade tshirts, and since I always keep them in the truck, managed to sell $100 worth. Surprisingly, this would not be the last time we were paid that day, but read on for that.
After we left Chatham, I lost track of Dave for about 4hours. For those that know him, that is far too long to leave a redhead unsupervised. I went to a cookout at Paulie Boy's pad by the water. Details of Dave's exploits are unavailable. Fastforward to Rock Harbor in Orleans around 9:30 pm, and you have a near-comatose Dave contemplating how to jump off the back of a truck's tailgate, off the wharf, past the docked boats and into water of an unknown depth. He was inspired by the advise of his boss's 8 year old brother, but talked out of it by many, many bystanders. Many! As the fireworks reached a climax, Dave and I began our first public concert. We began to sing the well known Journey songs: FAITHFULLY, DON'T STOP BELIEVING & LIGHTS. Our long, depressed winter with no chicks proved to be valuable at this very moment, as we had memorized the lyrics to these songs, driving around like idiots. Now it was our moment of glory! With the fireworks as our backdrop, it was almost like our own laser show. We received a standing ovation from about 40 people, and little kids cried for more. Someone even gave us a dollar, our first paying gig, making it $101 for the entire day of amusing people with our drunkeness.

Usually we save our best stuff for the weekends, but with the 4th of July landing mid-week, stay tuned for more.

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Photos

Brandon's perfect hair
He may have been late, but his hair is perfect

dave1
Drinking a "Dave Rice"

justin1
One of the TSHIRTS I sell

dirtnap
Man down!!!!!!

cannonball contest1
Dave's athletic when he's drunk

concert1
Backstage after the concert (notice we have no female groupies)

Comments

[Brion]

It feels like I was almost there! Nice! At least you weren't getting knocked down by broads like this guy

[Cait]

Priceless
Justin, Did you write this? Incredibly well written, adequate usage of descriptive adjectives, grammatically correct... I'm impressed! (by both your literary skill AND your ability to make money off of tourists!) Well done!

[Erin]

That picture in the pool is fucking awesome. I kinda wanna give you money so you can blow it up and i can hang it in my bathroom, and laugh hysterically everytime i pee.

[danielle]

cannonball
my favorite part of this day was dave screaming out "bullshit" and "fuck that" when the young lads and lasses would score higher then him. oh, and the look on the parents faces the ENTIRE time. priceless.