Authorizing Language

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One of the first things I learned at the hotel was to watch my language. It's not "free," ...it's... "complimentary." It's not a "no view" room...it's...a "standard" or "limited view" room. It's not "Ma'am you're completely wrong and you're making my day miserable and you're embarrassing yourself," ...it's... "Let me double-check that for you!"

Perhaps the most complicated, confrontational, and overly problematic policy at the hotel: "Sir, it's an authorization, NOT a charge." Because we're not a 2,000 room resort part of a global chain who can afford charge-backs from angry, unreasonable, often rule-breaking guests, we do things a little differently in the hopes of getting our money.

When a guest checks-in, we AUTHORIZE the card OVER the total for INCIDENTALS. There are three immediate responses to this statement at check-in: "Why are you charging my card now!?"...and/or..."What are incidentals?"...and/or..."I'm not going to use incidentals so you don't have to do that!" Fasten your seat-belts, let's break down each one of these responses.

"Why are you charging my card now!?" Ma'am, we're not charging your card we're authorizing it for incidentals. We're not going to charge you until you check out. "I still don't understand why you're charging so much." Ma'am we're not charging a dime, we're authorizing. And again, we're authorizing over the total for incidentals. You'll get that back assuming you don't use any incidentals. Please sign this receipt. "So this receipt is the sale?" Ma'am for Pete's sake don't make me smack you. Sign this or leave.

"What are incidentals?" Incidentals can range from in-room massages, to phone calls, to parking. "So you mean you're holding extra money in case I break or steal something?" Sir, if you break or steal something we won't find out about it until after you've left and after we've released the authorization, so no. "So I can steal the flat-screen and get away with it?" Sir for Pete's sake don't make me smack you. Sign this or leave.

"Well I'm not going to use any of those incidentals so you don't need to put that on my card." Ma'am it's hotel policy, I have to. "No you don't." It's hotel policy. "This is absurd! I've never in all my life stayed at a hotel that does this! Absolutely ridiculous!" Ma'am, many hotels do something along these lines. The difference is we tell you about it and make you sign the receipts. "Oh so you're calling me a liar!?" Ma'am for Pete's sake don't make me smack you. Sign this or leave.

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