Instructions for Flying Part 1

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"Federal law requires compliance with posted plackards, lighted signs and crew member instructions." So, what's so hard about understanding that?

People, please. When you fly, please follow directions. Engage the brain and think! If the captain turns on the "fasten seatbelt" light, he's doing it for a reason (e.g. we would like to leave the airport, we are going to experience some "mild turbulance", the flight attendants are sick and tired of looking at you in the aisles). So the problems today on my flight from PBI (West Palm Beach) to ATL (Atlanta Hartsfield Jackson) on my favorite airline:

1. When you board the aircraft, find your seat. That would be YOUR seat and not the seat you have always dreamed of occupying. We are not flying the colorful planes operated by an airline with the name of the region of the US in which I reside. You have an assigned seat. I, for one, woudl like to leave as quickly as possible but can't until you SIT DOWN!.

2. There is nothing so important that you MUST make one more phone call prior to taking off. Life goes on without you for the short period of time that you must be out of touch. Turn the phone off!!! This will make it much easier to follow Rule #1 above. Also, the flight attendants really do not like to have to give half of the passengers and engraved invitation to turn off their phones.

3. Seatbelts. They are there for a reason. The light is lit for a reason. We can't take off until you are seated with your "seatbelt securely fastened." This is not rocket science, people. If you need to visit the fabulously spacious restrooms on the plane, wait for 15 minutes until we are airborne and it is safe for you to move about the cabin (or, and I know this might be earth shattering news to you.... there are restrooms in the airport that are fully functional and just waiting for you to make a deposit). Yes, we had to wait for several passengers who decided that they MUST use the restroom as soon as the boarding door was closed. This irritated everyone: your fellow passengers, your flight attendants, and yes your pilot who had to make an announcement telling you to SIT DOWN!!!

4. The first class lavatory is for first class passengers. For those of you in steerage, please utilize the 3 lavatories located there. We really don't want you in our small portion of the plane. You ruin the ambiance.

5. When the flight attendants bring out the beverage cart, that is not your cue to decide to stand up and walk the aisle. The poor flight attendnants have a lot of people to serve in a limited amount of time. The beverage carts are heavy. Be nice and wait for them.

6. And here is one for the security line: People, do a little light reading before you arrive to the airport. The TSA is great about publishing the security screening process steps. Take a minute to review the liquid requirements. Don't argue with the screeners, they can make your life miserable (but that would make me laugh so go ahead and do it).

More instructions forthcoming!!

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