Home Alone

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I fessed up this morning to Ali and Bill. I told them that I had to come clean. They looked at me completely intrigued. I confessed that last night I had done what I usually do when Melisse leaves me alone when she leaves town. I ate a whole pint of Ben and Jerry's Phish Food. Here were the circumstances. Melisse was gone in Idaho and Bill and Ali along with Bill's son, Ethan, went to a birthday party in Ethan's honor at his mother's house. Thus, I was home alone... with the recently purchased (not by me), unopened pint of aforementioned ice cream. I had some dinner, saw the Phish Food, which happens to be my favorite dessert in the whole world, and had some. Then I had some more hitting that vein of marshmallow and caramel. I then lost my mind and proceeded to further explore the vein until I finished off the pint. At that point, the sugar and guilt kicked into high gear. "Oh shit ", I thought, "that wasn't all mine. I'm a bad person." I knew what I had to do. I had to make a dash to Fircrest Market to replenish the stores before Ali and Bill got home. I sprang into action. That's when I realized that Bailey was missing. I was also dogsitting and Bailey is Ali's and Bill's dear old dog who is hard of hearing. When I made dinner earlier I had left the back door open. One of the dogs, Heidi, met me outside as I was leaving for the market causing me to realize that the others might be out as well. No, our dog, Quito, had never left my side and P.T. was sleeping on the couch. Only Bailey was unaccounted for. I was in a dilemma. Get ice cream or find Bailey. Being in the throes of a sugar/guilt haze, I lit off for the market. Naturally, they were out of Phish Food. Instead of searching all over town for it I made a rational decision, sort of. I got some Karmal Sutra and Creme Brulee flavors instead. Payback one flavor with two has got to square things, right? But just buying two ice creams seemed too decadent so I added a pound of turkey bacon as well. When I got back, beating Bill and Ali home, thank goddess (I'm in western Sonoma County remember), I continued my hunt for Bailey to no avail. So, I started hoping that Bailey went with Ali and Bill. Maybe that was what Ali was trying to tell me as she left, rather than that she was leaving her with me. I called her cell phone to find out. The cell phone rang right next to me on the desk. Shit. After a major search, I found Ethan's cell number and called him. Sent to voicemail. Shit again. I left an urgent message with him and waited hoping he checked messages. He did. When he called back he gave me several of Bailey's hiding places where she goes when Ali and Bill leave her. Sure enough, she was in her bed in their closet all along. She never came when I called because she didn't hear me and I never thought to look in the closet for her. No matter, all ended well. When I relayed this story to Ali and Bill this morning after our walk, they laughed so hard I thought milk would come out their noses if they had been drinking milk. The best part for them was the fact that they had bought that flavor specifically for me. Neither of them much cared for it. Bill proceeded to cook me some turkey bacon for two reasons, one, because he had also bought some the night before and, two, it was my karmic reward for such an act of contrition.

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