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Published: March 9th 2006
San Diego to LA was 'The Hoff's' big drive and all went smoothly. Santa Monica was a cool place to hang out. After we'd had enough pretending we were Pamela Anderson and David Hasselhoff (Rob-Pam, me-Hoff), on the beach where they filmed 'Baywatch', we moved to the couch of my friend Tana, in Venice Beach . Here we flexed our pale, tuckshop arms on the famous 'Muscle Beach' and showed the steroid boys how it's really done.
Venice Beach served as a good base to do all the sightseeing things around LA. We went to Universal Studios, saw a live taping of a sitcom ('According to Jim'), went to Mann's Chinese Theatre, drove down Rodeo Drive and Mulholland Drive and, of course, went up to the big Hollywood sign and dreamt of stardom and what life might be like to have someone that makes sure you only have green M&M's in front of you at all times.
As if I wasn't excited enough about being surrounded by so much pop culture, our next adventure almost made me pee my pants. I'd booked some tickets for 'The Ellen Degeneres Show' months earlier, and, not knowing exactly when we were going
to be in LA, I guessed a date that I thought we might be there. It turned out that the date was Grammy Award night and Ellen was hosting. So, we were all shuttled to the 'Staples Centre', where the Grammys were being held and ushered into a studio just off to the side. To cut a long story short, Rob and I came within 2 metres of Madonna and watched as Ellen interviewed and then danced with Madonna, right in front of us. Rob still giggles every time he recalls the vision of me screaming like a lunatic, in the presence of Madonna.
From LA, we took a trip to Las Vegas to spend a couple of nights in 'Sin City'. We prebooked a hotel from a coupon we'd received that seemed like a pretty good deal in a hotel that looked like it was quite central to where all the action was happening. 'The Klondike Hotel' was pretty much at the arse end of Las Vegas and in the opposite direction to where all the action was happening. My time in Las Vegas will always be remembered for the vast distances Rob and I walked.
'The
Santa Monica
Beautiful sunset.Klondike' was like a step back to the 70's, to a place where gaudy decor was not just accepted, but embraced whole-heartedly. The extremely busy shagpile carpet fuelled our eagerness to win big, so I put my first quarter into a pokie machine at the Klondike. Nothing happened. I put another coin in. Nothing happened. Another one. Nothing. Eventually I had to summon the help of one of the staff who wasn't the friendliest lass about town. She subsequently yelled at me and said I broke her machine (apparently you can't put coins in the coin slot).
After this experience, we only went to the Klondike casino when it was time to reclaim our vouchers for free breakfast and dinner. It was always an experience dining in the Klondike restaurant. The front of house lady looked like Lilian Munster and our waitress was perhaps the scariest person I've come across on my travels so far. She had no front teeth and it was impossible to understand what she was saying because it was all just a mumble. The only words we could make out were the obscenities she was yelling to other staff from the opposite side of the
Santa Monica Beach
Oh, the novelty of popular culture! restaurant. It was at these times that I employed the use of the one thing that I learnt from time spent at the 'XChange' with Miss Candy in close vicinity: Whatever you do, DON'T MAKE EYE CONTACT.
Vegas was generally a crazy place that seemed to put the words 'excessive', 'overindulgent', 'big-frickin-waste-of-money' and 'eyesore' into living images. It seemed that I didn't need to spend 8 months travelling in South and Central America to see the jungle, an erupting volcano, waterfalls and exotic animals, because it was all here in Vegas.
After two days, we only lost about $10 in Vegas but I like to think that everyone leaves Vegas a winner:, Those that won a whole lot of money (obviously) go home winners, but those that go home with empty pockets, leave with the new found knowledge that gambling doesn't pay and isn't very much fun.
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non-member comment
yes ..i see.... yes