Day 10 - Cocos

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48 hours of binging was starting to catch up. After checking out we were asked to keep our wristbands and ‘use their facilities until we left for the airport’. Replace ‘use’ with ‘milk’ and ‘airport’ with ‘Coco Bongo’ and that is pretty much how the day panned out.

More sunshine, more beach time. By 11am, we had resumed the potato position, only getting up twice all day. The first was for a good-bye, buffet lunch with Luis. He told us how much he enjoyed meeting us and was kind enough to give us two of his favourite hats as a leaving present. He gave me his ‘very special’ hat and, to be fair, I did feel very special wearing it. However, I am somewhat suspicious as to why he owns a hat like this. In case I was still wondering, he said he wore it on the beach and two Canadians guys came and asked him for a threesome. He said no, obviously. The second time I got up was to play some volley ball with Ian and his new mates – a couple of keen Germans – who, by the way, did not appreciate Ian’s insistence on speaking to them in broken German. Thankfully with the scores at funfzehn – dreizehn to the Germans, a pretty nice group of New Yorkers turned up to ease the tension.

After this fusion of cultures, it was time for a fusion of textures and flavours at the Riu’s own Fusion restaurant. To eat at these restaurants, you have to book at about 8:30 in the morning, which obviously didn’t happen today. Again, this is where a tip and a cheeky bit of flirting in Spanish will go a long way. It’s the kind of place that would cost about £75 per head in London and, although it seemed all the chef did was turn perfectly good food in to foam, we were just happy to be there.

After dinner, it was time to hit Coco Bongos – a club owned by Jim Carey – but first we had to make a very discreet exit from the hotel so we could keep wristbands. I don’t think we could have looked any more suspicious: I took the advice “keep your head down” to a whole new level and Ian was looking around, really aggressively, in every direction except the reception desk. Turned out reception didn’t care and it was all good. See you tomorrow, girls.

Cocos was $65 entry for an ‘open bar’ but they don’t really like to give you any drinks in there until 3:30am and then they charge you silly money. So silly that when Ian found out he told the barman, in no uncertain terms, exactly what he thought. I took a slightly different approach and told the head of PR I was writing a review for The Guardian. Surprisingly they didn’t bump us up to VIP and we left shortly afterwards. Saying all that, it was probably the best club I’ve ever been too. It’s one big show for about four hours. Every other song is a performance filled with amazing dancers, gymnasts, costumes and look-alikes. Acrobats fall from the sky and midgets dressed as The Mask come round pouring tequila in your mouth. Billed as “The Greatest Show on Earth”, it really is a must see.

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