Vida Sana Health Boot Camp in Guadalajara

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The Vida Sana Institute in Guadalajara is not for the faint of heart. My husband and I spent a week there experiencing the Completo package. We walked on freezing cold grass barefoot before the dawn, we were slathered in cold mud and onion water, we were electrocuted, steamed, hosed down with cold water, and magnetized, we were poked, prodded and probed, and drank an array of concoctions all in the name of good health and paid for the privilege. Not to mention that everything was in Spanish and very few of the employees spoke English, but they liked learning it from us. A few comic misunderstandings entertained both us and the staff.
The drive from Ajijic took us through the familiar mountains and into the compounding traffic of the big city of Guadalajara and Tonala. When the taxi finally found its destination we took our bags into a small nondescript entrance and proceeded to the office. We had found our oasis in the center of the urban jungle. The staff exuded warmth and caring. We were told the doctor would see us shortly for our individual initial consulations and we were handed our implement kits which consisted of a large plastic shallow tub, plastic bucket, hard bristle brush, enema kit, rubber gloves, a cotton apron of sorts and three towels.
We were led to our room with implements and suitcase in hand. My first impression was that the institute was more functional than comfortable and had likely not seen a facelift in forever. Most importantly though, it appeared clean. Our room had a king bed and very simple furnishings with a television which I was sure we would not be using.
After a short time we were given the tour in broken English and had the daily procedural schedule explained.
In order to not miss out on the schedule we went to the treatments room for our mud pack and green vegetable drink. Cold mud was applied liberally to a piece of gauze which was then wrapped around our abdomen, then secured with a layer of newspaper and the cotton apron from our implement kit with safety pins. Next the procedure was repeated around our head and scalp. Keith called us the coneheads. We were told to remove the headpiece after two hours and the body piece after four.
It was time to have our medical consultation with the aid of an interpreter. The doctor appeared caring and competent. His belief, as with most naturopaths is that the body heals itself if you give it the right tools. His job was to provide us with those tools plus the knowledge to provide our own tools outside of the institute. After a rundown of our ailments and staring into our eyes (iridology) he was ready to provide a treatment plan to help us to be healthier and to lose weight. His prognosis suggested we both had good genes and I ate too much dairy. Ha. The cheese. It’s the cheese! My weakness. He believed that all of our ailments will take care of themselves with a healthy lifestyle. Then he two finger typed on a manual typewriter our course of treatment. He ordered blood tests and I was off for lunch while Keith had his consultation. Lunch consisted of semi cooked carrots and broccoli with bean sprouts and lettuce plus a lettuce salad with avocados and alfalfa sprouts and a lime vinagrette. While eating I perused my health report. For optimum weight loss and health he suggested few to no dairy products. Ouch. Also to never eat white sugar, refined cereals, meat, junk food, sugary food, seasonings like mustard, hot sauce and vinegar, chocolates, candies, fried food and no beer, liquor, soda, wine or cigarettes. It will be a big adjustment but likely worth it in the end. I was surprised about a few things but I was ready for the challenge. I was told that eating vegetables with fruit can cause stomach upset. Perhaps that is one of my GERD problems. Also some fruits, like melons are best eaten alone and there are many fruits which should not be combined such as pineapple and papaya. We bought a book with all kinds of interesting information about food combining.
It was time to remove the abdominal mud wrap, shower, get some vitamin D rays and relax with calming tea. About two hours later a smiling nurse came to our room to apply an onion water poultice on our stomach. It was warm and smelled like onion soup. Then we wrapped up in blankets “like a taquito”. Dinner was at 7pm and around 8 another smiling employee brought a hot kettle with herbal liquid to inahle for our respiratory system. The institute is very “old school” but effective. At 5:30 am the sounds of Guadalajaran cohetes filled our ears. Soon after, the silenced radio gave forth the Mexican National Anthem followed by an eclectic playlist of Oldies, hard rock, classic soft rock and country. It was nice to have the radio for company. Simultaneously the nurse came in for our all over skin exfoliation with the hard bristle brush and a damp towel. Then it was time to be a taquito again for 10 minutes. Afterwards, with Tears for Fears blaring from the loud speaker in the grassy area outside our door, we had our reflexology walk on the cold grass. It was suggested to walk for 15 minutes. Keith made it for about three minutes and I held out for ten. Our feet were seriously cold. Then it was time for our steam bath in separate areas for men and women. We took our towels, bucket, and plastic shoes into the steam area. Wearing my bra and Keith’s trunks, I sat in a compartment which had a door you close and a piece that fit over your shoulders with a round opening for your head. The intention was to hold in the steam I suppose. It reminded me of equipment from the fifties. As I said, “old school”. After 5 minutes you come out of the compartment and wash down with a wet towel, dump the water, refill with fresh and repeat. I spent three times in the compartment and finished with a cold high pressure hose wash down by Nurse Ratchet aka Marta. It took my breath away but was invigorating at the same time.
Back in our room the nurse arrived for our coffee enemas. Then afterwards we had our blood drawn and were able to ingest the many containers that had been set in the basket outside our room, plus the natural supplements recommended by the doctor. This involved drinking purified tea, small cup of olive oil for me, garlic for Keith and a thick linseed and tamarind drink plus our natural supplements.
Breakfast consisted of an ensalada with aguacate (avocado). Boring but tasty. Back in our room was our large bottles of calming tea. Keith opted for a massage while I sunbathed. More mud packs and vegetable drinks and more time in the sun before another salad for lunch, followed by rest, a shower and an onion poultice. Salad for dinner and then an alternating hot and cold foot bath.
The next day was a repeat except for our additional therapies which included our turns at the magnet-tron machine which is a large circular piece that fits over your core and supplies magnetic therapy, and the pulse tron which is a piece of equipment you place your feet on and which then proceeds to shock you with the most unusual feeling throughout your feet and calves to promote circulation. Very strange.
Keith had a second massage and I chose “extreme” reflexology. Keith definitely had the better time.
By day four we were starting to feel tired but looked forward to real meals and the end of daily enemas. Fruit for breakfast, a lunch with lentil soup, jicama ceviche and mushrooms with peppers. Delicious. The daily routine this day included another massage for Keith, a massage for me, an old school chiropractic adjustment (yikes) and ion therapy with a box in a foot bath which was to pull the toxins from our bodies. The chiropractor ordered an onion pack for Keith’s old shoulder injury. Our favorite worker gave us the onion packs. She delighted us all week with her funny pictures, attempts to learn English and her dance moves. Dinner was salad and was followed by another herbal pot for respiratory therapy in our room while listening to the sounds of Led Zeppelin, Leo Sayer and Charlie Daniels.
Day Five was to be our most extreme therapy day. In addition to the daily scrub, reflex walk, steam, spray and onions we had our Colonica. We were rinsed out with an entire fish tank of water and coffee while laying on cold tile. At least the nurse’s hands were warm when she massaged our belly. Later was ozone therapy which was administered, you guessed it, rectally. Oh joy. Lunch was a wonderful three course vegetarian meal and we skipped the mud. Dinner was fruit and a warm oatmeal drink.
Being Sunday we decided Day Six would be our day off. So we slept in and avoided the early morning torture. Then had breakfast and took a walk outside the institute. As it turned out, it was a family exercise day so the main street down a block was closed off for humans of all ages and dogs whether on foot, bike or roller blades. We walked for several blocks and came across a big plaza area with much activity. We joined in the Zumba demonstration, watched the Japanese sword wielders and the children doing crafts. It was a nice break. In the afternoon I went for a facial. It was amazing. Probably the best facial I’ve had, and I’ve had facials all over the world. Impressive. Keith in the meantime had been for another walk and brought back our dinner. He had decided that he wanted something more than just fruit. So we ate a small shrimp cocktail before our fruit dinner and unfortunately I paid for it. Into the night I was terrified with heart attack symptoms which turned out to be blocked gas. With the help of Keith and a nurse the symptoms lessened and I was able to get some sleep.
The next morning when the doctor made his rounds, I was able to jazz up my usual report of good health and good sleep. Out came the blood pressure cuff and indeed my blood pressure was considerably higher than normal. He ordered special tea and medication to lower it. Not an ideal way to spend our last day. However we did go ahead with our massages and Keith got a facial on my recommendation. Rest and regular blood pressure readings were the order of the day.
We were looking forward to going home to Ajijic and picking up our Annie, wondering if she missed us as much as we missed her.
All in all the experience was amazing and a steep learning curve. Would we do it again? Most decidedly yes because it met our goals and what we’ve learned would help us to pull out the best of what the institute has to offer and leave behind the rest. Our goals were to lose weight. We both lost over 3 kg. To better our health, and although that was questionable at times, I believe that with the knowledge we gained, we now have the tools to be healthier. We learned so much about Naturopathic Medicine and even more about food when we thought we knew it all. We laughed so hard. We even learned a little more Spanish.
It will be our intention to live on a diet that is primarily vegan and pesticide free with some exceptions and some special occasions. Luckily we now live in a place where fresh vegetables, fruits and fish are abundant, cheap and easily available. Viva Mexico.

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