Tlaquepaque and Tonala

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Tlaquepaque and Tonala are the younger, crazier twin sisters of Guadalajara. Lying equidistant from Guadalajara at 45 minutes in opposite directions, they share one main commonality: they are both known for being quite large market towns that specialize in handmade crafts from this region of Mexico.

This is where there similarities end, however. Tlaquepaque is the snobbier of the two. If you were to peek into her closet, you would observe that her clothes are organized not only by article, but by color as well. You might even take note of the fact that the smell is quite pleasant. This fact would draw your eyes to a small lavender sachet attached to the coat hanger of her best dress, which would surely involve some sort of lace made in France.

Tonala's closet, however, would consist of piles of clothes in the corner, old ratty shoes, and various sport paraphanalia that was bought but never saw any playing time. You might even take note of an empty McDonald's bag in the corner, and if you came at the right time, perhaps you would be lucky enough to see that this closet is not only full, but also alive with the creatures that came to munch on said McDonald's bag, and any leavings found therein.

If Tlaquepaque were dating, which she would only do after her parents' full approval, she would date someone who "came from money." Her betrothed's father would be in government, and after catching a glimpse of his mother you would swear that she has had some work done.

Her twin sister, however, would be madly in love with a man bearing either a mullet, a rat-tail, or some sort of large back tattoo that included flames, a bald eagle, or a large-breasted woman. He would ride a motorcycle, weaving in and out of traffic absentmindedly and shooting people the bird when he felt this was appropriate, which would happen to be quite often. If Tonala were riding with him at these times, she would giggle to herself, wrap her arms tighter around his waist, and sigh contentedly to herself.

In conclusion, it would appear that the tour guide books of Mexico do not always have it right. Tlaquepaque does indeed have cobblestone streets, but you better not step foot on them unless said feet are covered in some costly name-brand shoes. In Tonala's case, you are better off wearing galoshes.

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