Published: March 27th 2012March 27th 2012
If I’m in the countryside of Nicaragua drinking a Toña Cerveza at a local bar waiting for a delivery of smoke-able contraband and I tell the waitress that I’m from New York, she imagines a city full skyscrapers, fame, crime, and fortune. Well… That’s not the New York where this adventure begins, but it is where it ends (see the next blog). For this trip, we needed to visit upstate New York and beyond with our final destination being the Canadian version of France’s Bordeaux, Grimsby-Ontario near Hamilton. This area is famous for big box stores, strip malls, and weddings. Did I say weddings? I meant money.... No.... I meant weddings... No money.... weddings.... mo$$ey$we$dd$$in$gs!>&$#%@*)
Yes, money and weddings go hand in hand and Grimsby has figured that out. To accommodate the wedding crowd, they’ve also fictitiously boasted their stubbornly non-high quality wine. For me, the area is famous because of its proximity to Niagra Falls, not the wine, which seemed like a much more entertaining way to spend an afternoon.
Our trip started at 9pm on Thursday May 26th 2011. I drove thru the Mass Turnpike and then on the New York State Thruway in the middle of
the night with some help from ill prescribed Attention Deficit Disorder medication. The countryside was beautiful, although you can expect to see some angry conservative hippie induced anti-government propaganda on the highway during your travels.
We arrived to the Seneca Niagra Casino on the New York side of Niagra Falls at 7am. The casino is operated by the Seneca Indian Tribe, because no one else but American Indians are any good at taking money from foolish gamblers. There was only about twenty people at the tables, so we didn’t stay long. The best part about the casino was that you were allowed to smoke inside. I haven’t been to a public place in the United States that allows smoking in years, so even though I don’t smoke, I was thrilled to experience the true sense of freedom that comes with sucking in used tar and nicotine from other peoples lungs. In any case, we played a few slots. We actually won about $5 and got out of there.
When crossing the border into Canada we were asked all sorts of incriminating questions like: “What is your purpose of travel?”
“Where will you be staying?”
“Do you own a
The last question really had me confused. I own lots of guns. I have a Crosman SASP36, a Whetstonet M-305, and a Taser M26C. I keep real good care of my guns, and I don’t even shoot animals with them ‘cause I’m Rasta, but since the border guard asked me if I own a gun, and he didn’t ask me if I owned guns (plural), then I figured I could answer “no” to his question. He let us go, and reminded us to enjoy our stay.
We stopped in Niagra Falls at about 9am and found metered parking. By 10am that wouldn’t be possible, so if you just want a quick look of the falls and don’t want to pay for parking, then you might want to arrive early. The falls were cool, and it seems the view from the Canadian side is much better than it would be from the American side, but I’ve never viewed it from over there, so who am I to say? The attractions are similar to what you would find at Disney or Universal Studios, but with much more ridiculous content. You will also encounter as many Japanese tourists as you would
find at Disney and Universal, so the comparison stands. We went to the Ripley’s Believe it or Not Museum. The entrance fee is $15 to visit their museum, and package specials are available. We found it to be worth our while, at least for the opportunity to be able to touch the worlds fattest man.
The bride to be paid for our hotel in Grimsby Ontario, so that was super helpful. The downtown area of Grimsby is quaint, yet not a full featured tourist town. The town is located on Lake Ontario and I visited a beach near our hotel (The Casablanca Winery Inn) one afternoon and it was beautiful (not the hotel, the lake). The wedding went well.... No fist fights, drunks puking on other people, or car crashes!! Our return trip was done during the day, and we stopped near Saratatoga NY for a visit with some relatives. That also went well considering that there were no fist fights, puking drunks, or rollover accidents.
Download Links: Canadian Travel Book Ripley's Believe It or Not Guidebook
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