Barbarian Americans in a Canadian Bar

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It was Xavier's fist time in a bar. He had just turned twenty. His good friend Padraic had a number of acquaintances in Vancouver, where Padraic decided to launch Xavier into the wonders of legal booze. Arriving in Vancouver, Padraic introduced Xavier to their local ‘sherpas’: LaForge, a paramedic, and Hopper, a n'er-do-well living off of Canada's generous social safety net. LaForge and Hopper were in an unusually silly mood.

While LaForge and Xavier went to the pub, Padraic and Hopper went to score some of BC's infamous bud. Along the way, Hopper handed Paul the remnants of a bag of psychedelic mushrooms. Padraic ingested the 'shrooms and placed the bag in the back pocket of his carpenter jeans.

Hopper and Paul met up with Xavier and LaForge and they wandered downtown Vancouver's Lower East Side - "Gastown" as it is more affectionately known. As the fungi took hold of Padraic's consciousness, he noticed many people haggling with street prostitutes, and consuming heroin, crack cocaine, and methamphetamine. He decided to walk like he was high, but not too high. They found a bar. Over the course of three hours Padraic managed to order and drink one beer - a "very red one." It was extremely red, red like the slippers of Dorothy. The DJ directly across from Padraic, perhaps eight meters distant, looked directly into Padraic's dilated eyes, and played the (very un-bar-like) song "Misty Mountain Top" by Led Zeppelin.

I didn't notice but it had got very dark and I was really
Really out of my mind.
Just then a policeman stepped up to me and asked us, said, "Please,hey,
would we care to all get in line, Get in line."

In the time (three hours?) it took Padraic to consume his one pint of very red beer, Xavier had eleven. Padraic started to come down and had two more pints. Xavier had another four. Then they decided it was time to smoke a joint. Steve rolled a tiny one, and they headed to the street. While smoking, a mentally ill man walked by in the gutter, mumbling about "colorsswirlingdragonseverywherecopsonpatrol".

Xavier: “Huh dude, what the fuck did you say?”

Padraic: “Chill out man (puff puff) he was just talking about…something about cops on patrol.”

The two ladies in blue were already walking towards them. They confiscated the joint, checked ID’s and arrested them.

A tall, skinny black man walked by. “You’re gonna arrest them for that tiny little joint?”

Checking Padraic’s pockets, they found the bag of ‘shroom dust.

“So you are the supplier.”

“No, no, that is pistachio dust. I want you to smell that bag.”

Hopper started to cry.

“Have you been arrested before?”

Padraic: “Yes.”

“Why?”

“Same thing.”

They didn't look in Padraic’s sock. Catch and release.

Padraic usually keeps valuables in his sock.

http://s7.zetaboards.com/PPooDD/topic/8386855/1/

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