The First Saigon Shoe Debacle

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Pursued by the mob, they ran down Le Duan, stopped a taxi and jumped in. "Go! Go! Just go!" shouted Dick, but they went nowhere. The human tide deluged the cab and bashed on the windows. "Out! Out!" shrieked the driver. Dick and Kim ignored him. "We need a plan," said Kim. "You sure you paid for them?"

"Of course." Later Dick would discover that, of course, he hadn't. After several hours of grueling shopping a little old lady demanded they pay again for shoes already on Dick's feet. Dick and Kim bolted and a dispute about twenty dollar shoes became a lynch mob of over 200 people. "Lets make a break for the Sheraton," suggested Dick. Beating up tourists in front of the Opera House might lead to serious trouble. "Ok," said Kim. "Just open the doors and run." Dick easily penetrated the mainly female crowd but they got Kim, delayed her for a few minutes and removed some hair and a bra strap.

In Dong Khoi they slammed into the first expensive hotel they saw and the plan worked. Up to a point. Poor Vietnamese market traders would not cross the threshold of such a salubrious establishment, but neither would they disperse. The road was soon blocked by bodies. The hotel staff went beyond standard Vietnamese aggressive apathy: the phones did not work; there was no back door or emergency exit; there was no manager.

Dick and Kim had a beer by the window and smiled at the mob. A delegation entered. The nasty old woman who had started the trouble ranted and screeched and attempted to spit in Kim's face. A skinny man menaced them with threats of police. With a couple of hundred people milling around in the most famous street in Vietnam, police seemed inevitable. The delegation left. The mob was calm, waiting. "We need another plan," said Kim. They would walk calmly from the hotel and stroll to the Sheraton. As they stepped through the door several things happened at once. The biggest Vietnamese man they had ever seen appeared, held up one finger in front of Dick's face and smiled. He then knelt on the ground in front of Dick and began to undo the laces. Dick thought about kicking him in the face. The crowd whistled and cheered. The police arrived in a pickup with some sorry looking perps in the back. As the pickup stopped, the guys in the back jumped overboard and ran off. The police and at least half the crowd ran after them. Dick stood barefoot in the street.

"Thank you, Sir," said the giant and ambled off with the shoes dangling from his fingertips. The mob dispersed.

"Did you really pay for them?"

"What do you think?"

"I think we both need another beer. And you still need some new shoes."

Dick loved Kim.


The Second Saigon Shoe Debacle



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