Kurban Bayram just finished in this incredible country...and a few other thoughts

---

Kurban Bayram just finished in this incredible country (and in the rest of the Muslim world) and I just came back from visiting Izmir with my roommate Hatice. I have had an incredible time in Izmir but just as an incredible time in returning so I want to take this time about a few thoughts I have had over the past week:
Izmir’s Hills - 12/10
Well these are my last hours of hanging out in the wilderness of Hatice’s village, Bahçeköy in Izmir. I know I will always be a city girl but after spending just two days without civilization I am ready to pack up all my worldly goods and run away - still reading the news and staying connected but away from all the hustle and bustle of a 20 million person city. It just makes me want to leave Istanbul even sooner. I am certainly getting out of dodge as soon as possible. The more I hang out with Hatice’s dad and the people in his village the more I am convinced that I haven’t really immersed myself in Turkish culture. The women hanging out, cooking and cleaning at home, drinking tea, chatting with each other and just enjoying the life. But on the other hand I have seen enough in Istanbul to know it isn’t that easy. The men always dominating; women staying at home or covering their heads to avoid the cruel and penetrating stares of the obnoxious men on the street. Of course that isn’t all men, but enough to make you uncomfortable. Maybe this is just city life and in the country they don’t do it but I just can’t believe this until I see it. I hear enough stories to imagine I will never see it. Anyhow, back to Izmir. I wept tears of joy yesterdays I finally saw my first forest in literally five and a half months. For the first time I remembered just how big this country actually I and I only went down the west coast. I was absolutely starved for oxygen spending so much time in Istanbul and have decided I will never do it again. In January I am taking a Saturday and Sunday off life here and going somewhere just to remind myself that Istanbul is NOT Turkey. I just can’t handle living like I did for the past half year/ I don’t think I am capable of putting words to the joy I felt yesterday as we drove through the winding hill of Izmir - it could have been any country anywhere. Just reminding myself that there is uninhibited space left on this earth helped calm my very city stressed soul. Leyla’s dad said something every true when he said that Istanbul is the place you go to work. It is not a very livable city but if you need work you go to Istanbul.
Hatice and I were walking through Efes yesterday chatting about the pride of the people who had built this ancient city. Every part was decorated and even the most mundane things were made beautiful. If you compare that to Istanbul - well you just can’t. Where is the beauty in concrete blocks stacked one on top of the other, on next to another with nothing distinguishing one neighborhood from another except the people? If you just kept to the tourist parts of Sultanhamet, Beyoğlu, and the Bosphorus it obviously all looks different and beautiful but the other ninety percent of the city is just a maze of concrete. Where is the pride of workmanship in the city and the beauty that comes from it? Wandering around Şişli, Zeytinbournu and Koca Mustafa Paşa - I just don’t see it.
A clip of an email 12/13
Anyhow when I got to Izmir and Hatice’s village I almost cried because I saw the first forest I had seen for almost 5 months. It was incredible. I have never felt so happy to be in nature in my life and I have never appreciated what clean air feels like as much as I did at that point. When we wandered around the ruins of Efes (Ephesus in English) I was struck by the sheer amount of pride the Greeks and Romans had when they built their cities. Everything was amazingly decorated, from the lowest house to the grand library which is on all the postcards. It was stunning. We then went to see Meryemana (Mary's House) the house that Marry fled to in the mountains as they were crucifying Jesus. It is a really amazing sight because no matter what religion you ascribe to, it is simply a spiritually moving place. The Muslims prayed with their hands turned up and their face turned towards heaven, while the Christians prayed with their heads bowed, all meditating silently to themselves, requesting help from the beneficent mother. The next day we wandered down towards the city of Izmir and I really felt like I found a city in Turkey that I liked. The streets were clean (even the ghettos) there was tons of green and public space, and let me tell you everyone was beautiful. There is an idiom in Turkey about Izmir - Don't trust Izmir's girls, weather, or water - because they are all so beautiful. It was an amazing city and while I was there Hatice and I spoke exclusively Turkish and I honestly think my Turkish has never been as good as it is right now. I managed to chat with her dad who speaks so fast that even Hatice can’t always understand him, her uncle (who is also learning English so we stumbled along together), her aunt and cousin, and several of her friends in Izmir who speak no English. I still had to ask Hatice for translation sometimes but I was really happy. By the last day I was explaining the story of the Golden Compass in Turkish to her aunt and cousin. It felt amazing! The entire journey was really great and it was such a nice break from the city but you know I feel better about living here in Istanbul now than I have ever felt since I came here. Last night one of my friends was DJing at a club in Taxim so me and some other friends went to support her. It was such a wonderful welcome back to this city. I just got to chill with all of my friends, listen to music, and hang out. Then Hatice wanted to go to her favorite reggae bar where I met up with some of my other really good friends. It was such a warm welcome back to this city I have finally started to call my own. I think I will be sad to leave in two months but it is definitely necessary both for my project and for my own personal growth. I am still planning to head out in the middle of February to the Southeast and am really looking forward to moving from the city to the village (a little different from what Turks do but what can I do!)
Kahve Dunyasi - Kabataş - 12/14
Well after an eventful week in Izmir I am back to reality in Istanbul. Tomorrow I will be heading into IHD at 10am to continue working on a project I have going with Leyla there - a little early but there is no real point in putting off reality any longer. First however: Izmir. Vacation was wonderful and I have come o a really important decision, I will never again go for five months without seeing a forest or breathing fresh air. I need to see mountains and breathe unpolluted air at least once a month. Izmir itself was beautiful from the seaside to the clean streets to the people. Although it has some of the same domestic migration as Istanbul it has retained its own personal character. The ghettos don’t look like ghettos - just kind of like poor neighborhoods. People get out and about, always socializing and enjoying their city. Izmirli’s take great pride in their city, something I haven’t actually seen from many Istanbullus. The mayor of the city itself (one of two non AKP provincial government officials in Turkey (is really invested in making Izmir a beautiful place. As I was spending my last hours in Izmir as well as on the bus ride back to Istanbul I was starting to get excited to return. For all I complain about the city I really feel at home here. Hatice and I got in at 8:30 in the morning and we went straight back to bed (no matter how much you sleep on buses you are never truly rested after a trip). Hatice had to work teaching English at two so we woke up, she left and I started cleaning up and just chilling out at home. Bryan was there working on building some public houses for a project in Spain. When Hatice came back we started watching a Turkish soap and to my pleasant surprise I could understand most of it. In Izmir we spoke more or less exclusively in Turkish because everyone else spoke only Turkish. I think maybe my ears just got better at listening to the language (although I can tell I definitely have a long way to go).
That night Hatice and I went out with our friends Emek and Cenk because Emek’s best friend’s girlfriend was DJing. We went a little early and hung out with the guy on the door of the reggae club Nayah who is really cool. Again I was amazed at how much of the Turkish I could understand. Emek and Cenk met up with us and we went to this almost entirely empty club. It was just us, the DJ and a few more of her friends. She was DJing house music which Hatice loved because it reminded her of her teenage years in Izmir. However the others we came with (two more good friends came a little later) and myself were struggling to stay awake. Throughout about a solid hour people came and left until it was finally just the six of us with the DJ and her girlfriend when finally the DJ put on some Drum and Bass music. All of us went more or less crazy, got off the couch and started dancing. Hanging out at practically a private party on Istiklal with some of my favorite people here in this city was amazing. I really felt I was being welcomed back to the city. After about an hour we all decided to leave; Emek had to work and Cenk was staying at hers, but Hatice wanted to wander back to Nayah for an hour. As we walked in we saw all the regulars which was nice and I realized that I to had somehow become a regular, not just at Nayah but in this city. Then I saw my friend who works at the vegetarian restaurant and I discovered I had really missed hanging out with him. It felt like coming home that night. Really just a good, warm, comforting feeling.
Today I spent wandering around the city with Bryan and rediscovering how amazing Istanbul really is (when you stop reading about human rights abuses for a week it is pretty phenomenal how much happier your psyche is). We caught the bus down to Eminönü to check the bazaar and to buy coffee. As we wandered through the more or less empty streets I really began to enjoy Istanbul as a city again/ Bryan had never really seen much o the city so I got to play the tour guide/ The bazaar might as well have been closed for how empty it was - it seems like Bayram really extend all the way to Sunday/ After we wandered up to Kapalı Çarşısı - the Grand Bazaar - and found it actually closed I took him to Sırkıcı Station, the last stop on the Orient Express. He really loved the old architecture but I was so happy to find peace from the crowds behind its old walls. We walked all the way to the end o f the platform and much to my surprise I found another place I would enjoy to come on my own just to chill out. It is so peaceful there you no longer feel like you are surrounded by somewhere around 20 million people. We then walked up through Galata - one of my favorite walks - and into Istiklal Caddesi. Because I have been spending so much time on Istiklal I showed Bryan around to all of my favorite parts of Istiklal from the passages to the back allies; saying “Hi” to the guys I know really well in one particular lokanta, a bookshop and at a manav (fruit stand). It felt very much like home. I then left him at Taxim Square to walk back home while I went in search of a quite place I could write. On my way here I ran into Khalid, a Palestinian guy who had moved here six months ago and who I met in my Dilmer language course. It was really a great reunion, both because he is a cool guy and because it reminded me of just how far I have come. From a hostel and languages courses to really having my own Çöplük (Turkish slang for a place you feel at home and hang out). I am really excited for the next two months in the city and intend to make the most of it. It will be fantastic because I really do know my way around really well and because I know that no matter how difficult this city I will be leaving soon. Istanbul is a really difficult city and unless you really do chose to be here and recognize this choice you will probably not enjoy yourself at all. Life here in Turkey and Istanbul doesn’t seems so indefinite now and I intend to enjoy every bit of my last few months in this awe inspiring city; from hanging out with friends, working, and talking to everyone I can.
Sorry about all the overlap but I really liked being able to write all of my thoughts out as I had them. I also really liked where I got to after doing it. Again I hope you are all well and I will probably write again around Christmas (as the actual day marks exactly six months I will have been here). I am about to type up one more piece which is in some ways the culmination of these thoughts that I have been having over the past week. I will also be posting pictures soon!

---