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Published: July 23rd 2008
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Dave’s week-end was such a catalogue of mishaps (to be polite) that I may as well go through them in chronological order……..
1 - There is now irrefutable proof that the speed cameras in Oman work !!! Driving down from Sohar towards Muscat with the sexy Swedish number Dave spends all his time lavishing attention on, Dave triggered a camera at c. 160kmh (ahem !!)
2 - After the first dive on Friday the people on the boat were treated to a glorious surround sound experience of Dave emptying the contents of his stomach into the Arabian Sea - there was a significant swell and unfortunately baots appear not to be Dave’s strong point !!
3 - About 10 minutes later, possibly the most comical moment of all occurred when Dave was making another bee-line for the sanctuary of the sea to unload some more stomach contents - whilst climbing the ladder, his feet slipped off the ladder and shot forward, while he tipped backwards with his butt stuck between the top of the ladder clinging on with his hands for dear life to stop from cracking his head on the steel chequer plate bench
seat. Fortunately being a former rufty-tufty rugby player with ma-hoo-sive arms, he was able to stop from breaking his neck on the bench seat…….however at the expense of dangling with legs kicking about, butt stuck on the ladder and trying desperately not to fall backwards. Me and another Brit bloke on the boat should have rushed to help but we were too busy killing ourselves laughing.
4 - The reason for there being so few photos from the first day is that “David Bailey” decided to load the camera in the water-proof housing without help for the first time…..and to add a supposedly wonderful filter….and to change the settings…..hence gazillions of blurred photos. Not surprisingly the filter was dispensed with and the settings changed back again that evening !!
All in all not the most auspicious first day’s diving…..but there was still day 2 to come……..
5 - After the first dive there was the now-obligatory surround sound stomach evacuation - unfortunately this time there were no contents so the sound was amplified !!!
6 - With another chunder moment about to start, Dave made a bee-line for the sea carefully avoiding
the ladder and heading for the platform off the back of the boat…..where he sliced two huges pieces of skin off his left foot on a piece at up-turned chequer plate. The photos show Said “Florence Nightingale” Dive Master administering anti-septic, plasters, bandages and an iodine-like substance. With a banging head-ache, a stomach still desperately craving the light of day, and a good proportion of his toe missing, Dave not surprisingly opted to sit the second dive out………which proved to be the best of the lot !!! Bloody typical !!
7 - One of the boat motors broke so the journey back took 2 hours instead of the expected 45 mins - not strictly Dave’s fault but as so much had gone wrong for him so far it must have been his jinx.
8 - Dave fell asleep in the sun so he now has a burnt stomach and legs that look quite comical because of the perfect tan lines.
Not a dive trip to remember for Dave, although we got to wondering why he had felt that bad with sea-sickness and head-aches. The only theory we could come up with was caffeine withdrawal…..sounds odd but bear with me. Dave usually drinks about 8 mugs of strong black coffee in a constant flow from the minute he sets foot in the office….in this instance he had one hotel sized cup of coffee in the preceding two days. Odd theory but it was the best we could come up with !!
I’m really impressed to report that he has had just two coffees since the dive, and it is now Wednesday !!
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