Lists

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I’m fairly certain that this is a bad idea, but I’m doing it anyway.

Today’s blog comes live from the fourth floor computer lab of Edinburgh’s library.

In an attempt to avoid dirty looks, I’m typing this while the word document is at 40 per cent zoom, which means no one around me can read what I’m typing. Unfortunately, this privacy also prevents me from being able to read it as well, which is a real shame.

I do have a general idea as to the subject of today’s blog (spoiler alert: it’s Lists) but I’m sure most of you are more interested in my wellbeing rather than my weird preoccupations.

School is daunting. I have two essays due in a week and a bit. Luckily for me, I have no plans for the weekend and the library is open until two in the morning. I hope to finish the last of my reading and work on outlines. If I get them done by Monday, I can get them checked by my tutors and then I have all next week and weekend to write and edit them.

I miss Canadian Thanksgiving.

Anyway, school is a little scary, but I’m feeling confident in my abilities to keep up. So that’s school.

My social life is much the same, except I might have seriously insulted my friend’s taste in men. To be fair, she does have terrible taste. To be even fairer, so do I.

And on that note, there have been no developments with my love life, however, I am still sick so it’s almost time for Ewan McGregor and his arms (please refer to previous blog).

All in all, everything is okay.

Now, onto the bits I want to really talk about. Lists. I like lists.

Why I Like Lists: A List

-They’re easy to construct

-They help organise thoughts

-They’re super easy to read

-Each time you read an item on a list, you really feel a sense of accomplishment

-You can make a list for almost anything.

-There’s a wide variety of types of lists, including such lists as

o Check lists, which include

o To-do lists

o Attendance lists

o Grocery lists

o Numbered lists

o Inventory lists

o Lists of important dates

-It’s difficult to screw up a list.

Look at that, a list within a list. Awesome.

I have found myself thinking about lists a lot recently. Mostly in a romantic way. By “romantic”, I mean the poetic kind of romantic (I know what you were thinking, Mom). But how I’ve been thinking of lists is unimportant, the point is that I have a bunch of lists now constructed and I thought it would be fun if I shared one with you. I’ll probably post more than one, but I’ll probably save those for later posts.

If I Could Be Anything…. (A List of Jobs I wish I Could Do and Why I Can’t)



-Space Explorer. Not an astronaut, because they have to be able to do math and physics and stuff and I have no patience for
that. I would like to be like, a Christopher Columbus of space with a nice ship and a blank map that a better artist than myself could fill in. So I’d basically be the one steering the ship. Think Wash from Firefly. Unfortunately, space is not accessible enough for this to be a plausible career option.



-Conversationalist to the stars. So a famous person could pick up the phone, call me up, and we’d talk about whatever they had on their mind. Ideally, I’d spend most of my time chatting with Tom Hiddleston, but I’m not that picky. I’d be like a therapist, except we wouldn’t have to focus on whether or not they had daddy issues and we could totally debate over whether or not Albus Dumbledore was a good person or not. Unfortunately, this job doesn’t exist (yet).



-Republican poker. I would poke a Republican whenever they said something stupid. This can apply to any political party,
really. Again, this isn’t a real job, so it is unlikely I would get paid if I started assaulting US governors or something.



-Indiana Jones. Self-explanatory. However, I lack the education, mystic temples, and genitalia to be Indie, even if I wear a
fedora and carry around a whip (which is a weird accessory for an archaeologist to have anyway, but whatever).



-Baby animal petter. Another self-explanatory one that doesn't exist. The world would be a much better place if it did though.



-Movie watcher. Almost a movie critic, only without the necessary structure of criticism and more popcorn. Not much money
in this one.



-Harry Potter Scholar. An expert on all things Potter. I have high hopes for this one becoming an actual thing. Until then, I endeavour to find other more suitable options.



-Concert goer. Similar to movie watcher, only instead of movies, it’s live music.



-Knight of the Round table. The two big issues with this is a. It might involve killing people and I’m not about that life and b. it’s not a real thing.



-Wizard. Also not real. Or is it?



-Food taster. This would cause me to gain too much weight.



-Reader. Again, like movie watcher, except books.



-Napper. I would sleep a lot. It’s be so awesome. However, it’s not productive to the community at large, so I doubt there’s much money in it.



-Rockstar. Unfortunately, I can’t play an instrument well enough. Which breaks my heart.



-Batman. I lack the training, love for justice, and British butler.



-Social Media consumer. See “Reader”, apply social media.



-Pizza Critic. A really specialized food critic. I’m pretty sure such specialization is not allowed within the food critic
community.



-Firefly Preacher. I would stand on street corners and yell at people about how great a show Firefly is and how it’s one of the best representations of the wonders and complexities of the human spirit portrayed in popular media. I do this anyway, and I don’t get paid, so it’s obviously unfeasible. But for real, watch Firefly.



-Cookie tester. Please see “Pizza Critic”



-Hacker. I lack the technological prowess and criminal drive for this to be a viable career.



-Dragon Tamer. Please see “Wizard”



-Anti-whaling/sharking boater. I’d hang out on a boat and help prevent whalers and people who kill sharks for their fins from
actually killing a whale or a shark. But not one of those terrorist boats. So I wouldn’t kill people. I watched a documentary on this in grade 11 Biology class, but I think it’s more of a volunteer position than paid work.



-Artefact restoration specialist. I’m not doing the right degree for this career. Also, I’m probably way too clumsy; I’d break something really valuable and then end up in prison.



-Time Traveller. I’m really hoping this one becomes an actual thing. Genuinely, earnestly hoping that Doctor Who isn’t a lie. For the record, I’d go to early twentieth century America and watch the Suffragette movement becoming a thing. It’d be so cool.



-Merch Seller for a band. I have no idea how one becomes involved in such work, but if anyone has any idea, hit me up.



-SFX make up specialist. Who on earth would trust me with make-up and their face? It’s probably best that I avoid this one as
much as possible.



-Revolutionary. I don’t know what I’d revolt against, and then there’s the ever present possibility of death.



-Parkour person. These are the guys who climb and jump off weird things and do flips and crap. Unfortunately, I lack the fitness and it’s also not a profession.



-TV writer. I could finally fix all the stupid plot lines. I could make Glee watchable again. I also have no idea how I would become involved in this type of work, moreover I’m not sure Glee is actually salvageable.



-General assistant on a movie set. I feel like the hours would be terrible, along with the pay, but it’d be really fun. However, I also lack the knowhow to become involved in anything to do with the entertainment industry.



-Blogger. How do people get paid for blogging? And I lack enough interesting stories.



So yeah, that’s what I’ve been spending my free time thinking about.

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