Doom

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Ok, so I'm pretty sure that by now I should be excited to the point where I had become unbearable to those around me, constantly harping on about where I'm going, people I'll encounter, experiences I'll have, inexplicably amazingly wonderful adventures I'll be undertaking?

So then, why is it that all I have is this overwhelming feeling of impending doom? Flying!! I hate flying!! What the hell am I doing? I keep repeating it to myself. What the hell am I doing embarking on an adventure that without the 'flying' bit would just be a lame drive up to heathrow and back home again?

It's a necessity. Unfortunately. To make all of the good stuff real, the 'flying' bit inevitably has to happen. But the anxiety was almost so overwhelming last weekend that I almost panicked myself into not going at all!!? Is this normal?

Does everyone who hopes to extend their horizon so dramatically, have this sensation? Whether overtly or otherwise?

I think I've gotten it under control now, having thoroughly researched plane crash statistics (yes I am fully aware of how neurotic I now sound and how morbidly morose an activity this is). In addition, I have conversed with a very clever friend who also has a strange fascination with plane crashes to the extreme where she stoically watches 'Air Crash Investigation' and is therefore a mind of information, ironically, on how 'safe' airliners are???

The other thing takes me back to an earlier blog entry where I mentioned over-researching your destinations. I think I have done this in the extreme. It has taken the mystery out of my journey. I feel I have already been there. I hope this feeling goes away when I eventually arrive in these new and interesting places so that feeling of awe and childlike excitement can once again return. I'm sure I will find that none of the places I visit will be even close to my preconceptions. I hope so.

I only say this to warn you against doing it yourself. Look up a few interesting things to do with your time there and leave the rest to chance. I hope I still have some room left for chance in my ram-packed itinerary.

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