Hitting the Wall

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I thought that when I got here, I might be able to fight off an anxiety and culture shock/homesickness attack if I stayed positive and had a little luck. As it turns out, they tell you that your euphoria upon arriving in a new country won't last because it *won't* last. I'm sitting here, with a lot on my plate and many things to look forward to, but instead I feel miserable. It wasn't even that I spent my 21st birthday in a country where it didn't mean anything, or that I had my digital camera stolen while out celebration said birthday. No one thing has really caused me to feel like this, as always, it's the combinations of the little things.
Last Wednesday, I accidentally locked my clothes in the laundry room and thought I might not be able to get them out until Saturday. As it turns out, they were only locked in there for 2 hours, until someone came by and let me in.
Thursday was my birthday, and it was fun. I spent it with friends from the program, and I really had a good time that night. Unfortunately, that good time led to the problems of the weekend.
I missed Swedish class on Friday because I set my alarm for 10:30, thinking in my state that Swedish on Fridays started at the same time Swedish on Mondays and Wednesdays starts. I was wrong.
On Saturday, after recovering from feeling like crap on Friday, I went to the Crazy Horse Bar with some friends to celebrate my birthday in conjunction with another friend's, which was on the 11th. It was during this night, when I left my camera with our pile of coats, that it was stolen. This not only made me angry at whoever made off with it, but at myself for being a complete moron and thinking that Sweden would be a safer country than the States to leave something like that out. I wasn't thinkin clearly, and I still feel terrible about it.
Then on Monday, we had a pop quiz in Swedish that I wasn't prepared for, and the teacher flat out asked me why I wasn't in class on Friday. Apparently half the class wasn't there, but for some reason I was the only one she asked. Made me feel even worse, since it wasn't like I *wanted* to skip class; it was an accident. Now I'm going to have to work extra hard to get back on her good side.
Also, in planning a trip to Germany with some friends for the first break we have, I accidentally booked the wrong flight on a discount airline, which offers no refunds. So, it'll end up costing an extra $20 to book another flight, which isn't that much, but it doesn't help make me feel any less of an idiot.

Now, none of these things is a terribly big deal (apart from the camera), but together, they've made me feel absolutely terrible. It's not even like I want to go home...it's not that. I wish I could prove to people (my parents and my professor) that I'm not careless and stupid; that I had a bad weekend and that I'm capable of more. I just feel like I've got a string of bad luck going on here. I keep hoping that something teriffic will happen that will make me feel better about myself; I guess I'll have to wait until Swedish class to see if my teacher's still mad at me. Studying like a madman for class won't hurt, either. As far as feeling better about having the camera stolen, well, that'll take longer. I'm still in awe of how stupid I was.

So, yeah. Middlebury told me that my mood studying abroad would be like a W; that it would start off high and worsen, then get better and then worsen, and then get better right as I'm leaving. I'm in the first valley now; and hopefully I won't be here for too long. It sucks.

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