When things falll apart

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Some of you may have been able to tell from my posts that things have been falling apart a little for me. I have been struggling quite a bit with daily life these past two weeks. I think it has been a combination of my honeymoon period of culture shock going away, not getting enough sleep, missing people at home, and lack of intellectual stimulation. It is really hard to express yourself in a second language.

Whenever we have pretty serious discussions in class or debates, I end up talking more than anyone else in the class and still leave feeling like I was not able to say anything that I wanted to. That is a really big change from being in Berkeley in a lecture hall that is all about thinking wow thoughts. I am so jealous (this is nerdy) when Brendan tells me about the papers he is writing. I need like a philosophy cafe.

Yesterday in class, my history teacher went off on a tangent about the changes he has seen in the study abroad experience overall in the last 15 years with the advent of the internet. It has really changed the degree to which students can stay connected to their friends and family and English. Well, this one girl talked about how she is so glad because she misses her parents so much and talks to everyone every day. I talked about the interesting thing about that being that when you don't or can't talk to your family, you learn to adapt to your life in the new country more and then you don't miss them with the same intensity. I bet less people leave foreign countries these days thinking that they wish they could stay. Well, this girl was PISSED that I said that. I mean so offended. My teacher said that he agreed with me and that so do many psychology theories. I talked about not wanting to believe that because it is a harsh reality when that is the opposite of what seems to be the logical solution when you miss someone, but how it worked for me when I was in Costa Rica. This girl, however, is so closed minded and can not have an intellectual conversation without being personally offended. Later, in dance class when I told these two girls that I was only speaking from personal experience and was sorry if they were offended, they were like , yeah that was really rude... ok, never mind on that apology!

So back to why I am/had fallen apart. I do not know. I am just surrounded by people on a budget and I need to wake up and realize that I do have money that I saved to come here, I do have parents that want to help, and I am working here and making my weekly funds. I just need to wake up and start taking care of myself. I really fell apart this week. I have had serious problems with my food issues, and just been really pissy. So... today I was like ugh enough is enough. I went and got a 6b month membership that goes until May, I had a short work out, I went to the store and bought a magazine that came with a gym bag, and I came home to shower and write it out.

I think I am good. I am psyched for this weekend. We are going on a group trip that is included in the program with one of my favorite teachers. Today, I have my final appointment to get my Spanish residency card from the immigration office, and it is our Friday(Thursday, but we don't have classes on Fridays). So here I am.

I love hearing from everyone. No, I don't practice what I preach, but I am also not as retarded as that girl. Her spanish will not improve because she practically speaks english all day... ugh ok enough ranting... Peace

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