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As I write this, I have exactly 17 days left here in Spain. Where did the time go? I feel like just yesterday I was saying good-bye to my mom in the Minneapolis airport. Looking back I seemed so young. I am now in the second to last stage of studying abroad. I like to call it the “this really blows” stage. Last stage; reverse culture shock.
Just as I start becoming a part of the community, and really truly understanding the language it’s time to leave. I hate to say it, but I’m afraid to come home. I was quite depressed for a long time before I came here. Since I came here, I have been the happiest I’ve been in three years.
Some of the fears that I have about going back to the closed-minded mid west are as follows: If you do the study abroad experience correctly, you grow quite a bit as a person. When I first arrived here, all I had was myself. I spent a lot of time on my own. It was actually a nice change of pace. You can’t let fear rule your life. If you’re afraid of heights, you’ll miss an incredible view, if you’re afraid to go out alone at night, you’ll miss the full moon, and if you’re afraid to be alone, you’ll never know what your truly capable of.
I’m afraid to go back to Winona, because I’ve never liked it there, and because I’ve heard from many people that have studied abroad before me say that they lose a lot of friends that they had before they left, because of the changes/ growth that they’ve gone through. I’ve also heard that after you go home you become very restless. Another fear upon me returning to Winona is that I am done with my Spanish major. I don’t have any more Spanish classes to take, and I’m afraid that I’ll lose everything I gained here.
I plan on leaving the US as soon as I finish my degree. I don’t know where I’ll end up, and I don’t need a concrete answer. I don’t think I’ll ever stay in one place for very long. I always hated the question “where do you see yourself in 5 years?” It’s a bogus question, and it can’t be answered. I don’t know where I’ll be in five years; all that matters is that I’m happy.
The last fear that I have upon my return is that I will be the girl that only talks about her time abroad. To defend myself in advance, I’ve lived here for 5 months. This is all I know for right now, and it’s better than anything I’ve done thus far. It’s also quite hard to explain everything that’s happened here. It’s hard for me to explain, and it’s hard for the listener to grasp.
Good-byes: I’ve never been good with good-byes. I’m not sure how I should say adios to the wonderful family that has invited me into their home for last 5 months. I’m really sad to be saying good-bye to all of my friends. I suddenly won’t be able to see Deanna and Allie on a daily basis or be able to say “ok! See you at Isabel at 8.” I won’t be able to go grab a drink or three at Patty’s with Steve. And yes, I will miss having ALL of my under where hung up for the whole world to see on laundry day; the fact that only in Spain can you have someone tell you that you’re the most beautiful thing they’ve ever seen, and have someone yell at you that you’re a sun of a bitch on the same street. I’ll miss all the smoking in the bars, the fact that bars never really seem to close; how the girls are always dressed to the nines; that you spend all day on the streets; how life is like a party every day of the week; that people kiss you for hellos and for good-byes; how if there are ten empty benches, people will only sit at the one you’re at.
On the other hand, it is mothers day. Happy mothers day mom, I know this hasn’t been easy on you or dad. You both sounded a little down on the phone today, and yes I have noticed that you just started remodeling every room of the house as soon as I left to stay busy. Thank you for your patients and support.
Before I forget, there are two very important people that I need to thank for making this experience happen. That would be my grandpa and grandma. I miss them very much, I am very grateful for everything that they have done, and for helping finally find my happiness.
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Auntie Kasha
non-member comment
Welcome "home"
Yes it is amazing that soon you will be back in the US - I can relate to the culture shock you will experience when you returen- I went through similar feelings, in 1980,when I returned after 5 years in Germany and then again in 1987 after 3 more years in Germany. Being with family really helped me. You have so many opportunites Katie to continue your world wide exploring - have you thought of joing the State department, military etc. You may wish to correspond with Michelle who will be moving to Croatia later this month. Keep smiling Katie. Love Auntie Kasha