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Published: January 14th 2009
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The Giant Clog
Maybe these would fit Ian Thorpe? Our trip to Amsterdam started less than ideally with our train breaking down halfway through the voyage. We were forced to wait on a siding for over two hours while a new engine was sent from the next station to come and pick us up. After our eventual arrival we caught one of the trams that provides the bulk of Amsterdam's public transport to our hotel. We checked into our room which was pretty bloody small, and even though it had an ensuite, I could barely fit get into it because it was so narrow. We then walked the ten minutes into the local restaurant strip and found a really great Thai restaurant for dinner.
Unfortunately for us, I was still suffering the effects of the bug I had picked up earlier in the trip, and was having to dash to the toilet every ten minutes or so. This slowed us down a little bit, but we only had two nights in Amsterdam so we weren't going to let it stop us. First stop on our list was the Anne Frank House. For those of you that haven't read the book (which I still haven't), Anne Frank was a young
The Anne Frank House
Fi standing with a commemorative statue of Anne Frank. German Jew who, along with her family, escaped Germany in 1933 and moved to Amsterdam. When the Germans invaded Holland in 1940, her entire family went into hiding in a number of secret rooms above her Father's warehouse. Eight of them lived in complete secrecy for over two years before being betrayed and captured by the Germans. The family was then sent to a German concentration camp and the only one to survive was the Father, Otto Frank. Whilst hiding in the attic, Anne (about 14 years old) kept a diary of her experiences which Frank later had published into a book; 'The Diary of Anne Frank'. Fi had read the book in high school and found it quite interesting to see the place where she had lived in person. I found the whole experience rather gloomy as the diary was written in a very optimistic manner; Anne wrote of becoming a famous writer after the war, but sadly she died in a concentration camp just 4 weeks before liberation.
After the Anne Frank House it was off to Amsterdam's most famous attraction - the red light district. We just followed the general flow of people and amazingly
The Amsterdam Canals
The city is ringed with a series of canals that look just like this one that this handsome fella is standing in front of. it led us to where we were heading. It looked pretty much like any sleazy red light district in any other city except for the pro's sitting in their little booths in the windows trying to entice male clientèle to 'come on in'. It was fairly morally challenging to wander around and not feel pity or sorrow for these girls, but that is all part of the cultural differences experienced when traveling. Prostitution is an accepted 'trade' in Amsterdam, the girls even have their own union. I do have to say though, Sunday must be the cheap day to rent the little windows because the quality of the ladies offering their wares was pretty low - most looked like they had about 15 years too many in the trade, or they'd been smacked in the face with the ugly stick, and a big friggin stick at that. Most of them would've had to pay me for the pleasure.
One thing that struck us as we walked around was the number of bikes in the city. In fact there are an equal number of bikes as people in the Netherlands, and that was easy to see walking around the city.
Pedal Power
The main form of transport in Amsterdam. There were hardly any cars on the roads, and you had to be more careful of being hit by a cyclist rather than car when crossing the road. The great thing is that the city supports the use of bike, with bike paths running next to pretty much every road in the city. The other unique feature of this city is the number of 'coffee shops' which can be found when walking around. Now, if you are in need for a pick-me up in the morning don't head for a coffee shop, because you'll come out feeling 'a bit wasted man', and with a bad case of the munchies. The coffee shops in Amsterdam are the smoke/dope houses - if you need a coffee you have to head to a cafe. The coffee shops were pretty common in the red light district and it was pretty funny just to pull up a pew out the front of one and watch people staggering out with a glazed look in their eyes and licking their lips. Most of the people who seemed to be in the coffee shops were 18 year old English kids. One of the joys of living in Europe
A typical 'coffee shop'
Enjoying just watching the show of stoned kids walking the streets. I guess - nowhere is more than about a 3 hour flight.
After taking in the unique sites of the red light district we headed out to the Rijk Museum - known for its extensive collection of Holland's most famous artist - Rembrandt. I was pretty oblivious to exactly what it was that made Rembrandt so famous, but fortunately my very well educated and artistically aware wife was able to point out that he was the first to paint portraits of people in motion or action. Previously portraits had been posed and simply an image of an individual - Rembrandt was the first to capture portraits as a 'moment in time'. So there you go. With this new found knowledge I enjoyed the museum much more than if I had just been wandering around looking at pictures, and if I've gotten anything out of our trip to Europe it's a greater understanding and appreciation of art.
After our time in the Rijk Museum my bowel decided that we needed to head back to the hotel for a little breather. This turned into a little afternoon nap, and before long it was 8pm and we were ordering pizza to
Chips and Mayonaise
Fiona enjoying the Dutch specialty. the hotel. Unfortunately we missed one of the great Amsterdam attractions of a live sex show, but as I already had a squeamish stomach I didn't think the best thing for it was going to a theatre to watch two people going at it. So this ended our trip to Amsterdam - it was quite short, but to be honest, when you aren't into smoking dope or paying strange women to have sex with you then you don't really need too much more time to see the city. Unlike most European tourist cities, it is what happens in the city rather than the city itself which makes Amsterdam a great place to visit. It offers a pretty good range of activities for a blokes night out, and if you lived somewhere in Europe, it would make a great stage for a bucks party. But, with Fiona and I choosing not to indulge in the many pleasures offered by the city, it really wasn't that great a place to visit. It was interesting to see, and if you were to partake in the many activities that are illegal in other places, it would probably be a great time, but for us it really was just another city. So the only piece of advice I will leave you with is that if you are traveling and suffering from explosive diarrhea - never, under any circumstances, trust a fart.
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