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Published: July 24th 2011
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I thought of my core strengths for this up coming European summer. With my clothes suffering 10 months of African dust I would not be sociably acceptable in this current state. So it was time for a revamp. I put my core strengths as I have blue eyes and I will be sporting a tan. I only needed one pair of shorts so to go with everything I went with a neutral colour of a grey pair from Zara.
I noticed that most stores really only catered to women in Milan but a few stores were for men too. Majority were too expensive but in the commercial world we live in the backpacker can manage to find some bargains. And Milan had enough to satisfy my Milan Makeover to kick off my search for Rochelle.
It has been almost 4 years since I came up with the concept to travel from Milan to Minsk to honour Seinfeld the greatest comedy series ever made. I was on a flight back from South America 2007 thinking I can’t settle down yet and thought of this trip and maybe after this I will be able to ‘settle down?’
To tweak the
catchphrase for the imaginary film never shown on the show. I have titled this trip ‘A young backpackers strange and ‘hopeful’ erotic journey from Milan to Minsk… In search of Rochelle or her daughter.’
Since there was no timeframe of when the imaginary movie was made I am left with the option of women around 18-36 for my erotic fantasies to work out. Rochelle may have had a kid soooo…. yeah…. You are a smart bunch, you get it.
With my clothes all permanently stained by red tinge if I was going to attract any female of interest I needed a whole new look. I needed to change my look from a traveller travelling Africa to a backpacker travelling Europe in the 2010’s. Back in the 2000’s a backpacker was a backpacker, scruffy looking, looking as poor as you can.
Nowadays the backpacker is more like that common phrase bandied about ‘flashpacker.’ So I had to look for practicality as well as something that makes me fashionably aware. For that I needed a Milan makeover starting with a change of wardrobe. After that it would be off to the hair dresses to get a stylish Italian haircut
and shave off my first ever full beard.
I tried to capture some shirts that would not only emphasise my tan but my blue eyes too. I went with two coloured shirts, one short sleeve the other a sky blue long sleeve but able to roll up for a more swarve look. That was another thing to consider too. This attire has to survive the cold of North America (maybe).
I then wanted to go more casual for the daytime look. I headed to H&M the most cliché shop in Europe nowadays but who cares they had plain shirts for 4 euro compared to 30 euro for the same thing only different label. I went with a black and a white shirt. Both again fantastic with the backdrop of my tanned skin. Heck I will probably have skin cancer one day so I might as well talk it up.
I was happy with my buy and was content with my purchases. In fact my 100 euro budget I was well under. I couldn’t help but walk around the store one last time to see if something would catch my eye. I then noticed this guy model on
the poster in the store with a tan and a 3 day growth wearing this gorgeous red and white chequered number and I just had to have it!! With this I was about 8 euros over. Not bad for 5 shirts, a pair of shorts and 3 black pairs of socks. Who says that backpackers can’t shop Milan!
And because of that little extra splurge I decided not to go out and figured that Rochelle is probably elsewhere in Europe. I did however try to look as masculine as possible by purchasing at least one gelato everyday. Pizza was also purchased and it is the tomato paste that is the difference to the rest of the world. In fact I might ask for a margarita without the cheese next time I visit Italy.
I’m not sure if its common for a guy to ask the tourist information shop about which streets are best for shopping but that is what I did and my first port of call was Buenos Aires St where I found Zara I than moved towards the Duomo cathedral where the street going from the back left of the cathedral has H&M for men. (Buenos
Aires St has no H&M men’s store.)
The cathedral is the main attraction for Milan. Also there is Leonardo Da Vinci’s painting of the last super but tickets are booked out for months. After my Milan shopping half day I noticed a crowd gathering at the square in front of the cathedral.
I had just missed the jour d’Italia cycling finish by a few hours but in typical backpacking fashion something always pops up. This time I was at a rally for the Milan regional elections on a referendum including a nuclear program and politicians basically getting away with being corrupt.
This was a big moment for the city as Berlusconi the President of not only AC Milan FC but the country was on his last legs. There were a lot of red flags around, a closer look and I could see the old Soviet Union symbol in the middle of the red. Other Socialist symbols were around too, the red star, Che Guevara. As the minutes ticked over the more votes were counted which meant the crowd started to build. The socialist party were going to win.
There was plenty of drinking in the square.
I was trying to spot a hot girl to confirm what is happening. When I did I could see her undressing me with her eyes… well actually she was looking at the beard thinking, ‘What the hell? Why doesn’t this guy try and give himself a shot. What an idiot.’ She confirmed what I assumed the celebrations were about.
I was physically and mentally drained from Africa and this party looked like it was going to go on for a long time and I figured its best to regroup and be patient. Heck I was patient in Africa for all that time.
To be honest I am not sure if I would put Milan in the top 50 places in Europe in normal situations but it has turned out to be one of the most useful cities I have been to in the world. What a place to start the search for Rochelle.
Purely for shopping… Man if I were a woman I would be broke. It is like what gamblers have in Las Vegas, you have to be careful of your money. I had a budget and when I realised I was going to be just
slightly over I decided to add the price of the sites I decided not to see and included that in my makeover budget. A Shop-a-holic specialty there! The world is made for female shopping and one of the most famous places can cater for the male if he applies himself. But I suppose there lies the problem for males. Most can’t be arsed to make an effort. But for me I had a necessity.
This is my reward for not settling down yet. As my friends get married, have kids or stay in their happy, long term relationships what have I got to show for it apart from a few good travel stories?? Not much. I am older, wiser but will that be good enough to not make the same mistakes as I did as a 21 year old on my first trip to Europe. All signs lead to no but maybe, maybe this is a new dribbleman travelling Europe. Maybe he will show no respect. Maybe he won’t have nice guy syndrome anymore. This is it the sexual organ is switched back on. Celibacy from Africa is over it’s my time to shine with the ladies!... Ah shit
I’ve got respect for them already.
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Trent
non-member comment
you just have to love look #2
with teh long SLEEZE shirt..........gold.