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Published: February 15th 2007
I leave for Berlin exactly two weeks from today. I’m basically just counting down the days until my March break. Is that such a bad thing? I enjoy learning, I really do. It’s just that my work ethic has plummeted since I’ve been here.
No job. No real obligations. Not a whole lot of homework. Not a whole lot of class. I need to find something to keep me on my toes. I don’t want to get back to Lincoln and learn that I’ve forgotten how to write, work and live like a busy American.
I look back to my last semester and wonder how I managed to breath. The funny part is that when I actually think about it, I really wasn’t that busy. But compared to here - man, was I ambitious.
Although I’ve been finding it hard to muster enough scholarly spirit to do my (almost non-existent) homework, I’ve have been doing something productive. I’ve been putting a lot of thought into where I want to travel during my 20-day break in April. After my parents come, I think the girls are going to go down to the French Riviera and then to Spain. Not a bad way to spend spring break, eh?
Bu you know, I’ve realized something about myself since I’ve been here in France: I’m not as adventurous as I once considered myself. Traveling is fun and it’s great to see the world, but I like my home. I like to be home, I like to be comfortable and I like to feel like I belong somewhere. The worst feeling in the world is being unrooted. I can’t go anywhere in Besancon and say it’s my spot. I’m a visitor and will continue to be a visitor for the next four months. I want so badly to feel like France could be my second home, but it’s just not working out that way. A place cannot be your own until you at least know the language. So for now, I’m going to have to get used to people’s stares when my friends and I are talking on the bus. I’m going to have to get used to people switching to English because they think I’m too stupid to understand French and that I can better understand their mediocre English.
Sometimes things are just so frustrating. Thank god it's Thursday. Thank god there's no school for four days. I need some bread and tea. Goodbye.
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Toni
non-member comment
homeless
Do you kind of feel like you are "homeless"? I went through a stage when I first moved to Lincoln where I felt somewhat homeless because Lincoln didnt feel like my home and none of my things were still in Grand Island. Im sure its hard, but I also know you are making the most of your experience in France - I can just imagine you soaking everything up you possibly can, so we can spend our Friday nights (probably sitting around Anna's kitchen table) talking about everything you did this last semester. We are so excited for you to come home, but think - you will have to spend ALL SUMMER in lincoln, and Im sure then you will be wishing you are back in France! We will see you in no time Liz! Have fun in Berlin, tell Nicholas I say hello!!