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Published: September 24th 2007
There are many difficulties while traveling. Most are not the difficult to deal with. They are minor things like, Will I find a place to sleep? Will this bus/train be full? Will I get pickpocketed in this city? See, terribly minor things that are truly not life or death...But let me enlighten you on the truly life or death question you ask yourself every day..... Will this bathroom have Toilet Paper?
Now I do not know about you, but when I walk into a bathroom, I have never truly looked for toilet paper. I just always assumed it would be there. Assumed that when it was needed it was free of charge. Maybe you have as well (I got a suspicion the ladies who are reading this might have a different view then me.). Well unfortunately once you cross that imaginary border from West Europe to East Europe, T.P. becomes a bit of a luxury.
Let me share with you a few recent stories of mine, adventures let's call them for the sake of excitement. So adventure #1...There I am needing quite desperately to use the facilities. This was in the wonderful city of Belgrade, Serbia. OK, no worries, I know where there is a McDonald's nearby. I had always had luck at McDonald's and their free bathrooms. Quite a luxury when you are on the road and spending your whole day in the city exploring. I was a bit shocked when I went in and they were charging for the restroom. I do not remember the price, and it really did not matter, their toilet had my name on it....but....all I had was a large bill. Now the odd thing about these countries, is that they are a cash based country. There are no checks, you rarely can use a credit card, and they all want cash. I have yet to come across an ATM, or locally called Bank-o-mat, which dispenses anything but the absolute largest denomination of bill available in the country. When you go to pay with this large bill, everyone simply laughs at you and sends you away. Let me put this in a familiar context for you. I was trying to pay the giant, old lady guarding the bathroom with here armory of cleaning solution and windex, the fifty cents she charges with a thousand dollar bill. You would laugh at me too. Ok so I needed to break this bill. At that moment in time, the last thing on my mind was food...never mind the disgustingly greasy food from McDonald's. But I was a trooper. I could get through this. So knowing no Serbian and armed with my giant local bill...I ordered a Royal with Cheese. (Every time I order that I feel like I have come straight out of Pulp Fiction). Now the girl behind the counter speaks no English. I ordered my Royal with cheese in the local language. At least I read it off the menu...It was surprisingly called a Royal with cheese. She looks at me, with a frown on here face and says to me. "No Speak English." and walks off. Oh my goodness, what is going on. I wait. I wait. I WAIT! Finally she comes back with another guy. He apparently understands the English version of Royal with cheese. I get my food, I was so flustered at that point I also must have ordered fries and a drink as well. He took my giant bill, gave me a shake of the head, as if I was the worst person in the world and gave me my change.
Ok now that was all through, I sat down and wolfed down my meal. I wasn't hungry, I had to go to the bathroom, and this was a disgusting meal. The only problem though, when you are backpacking around in countries that don't speak English, every meal is important. It is important because you are on a budget, and can not afford to throw out a meal. It is important because it is harder then it looks to order a meal in another language. It is important because honestly, there are many times where you have no f-ing clue what is going to come out on your plate. Now that I am done eating, I feel a bit of victory. I rush over to the Guardian of the Restroom. Present my handful of coins with a smile and a sense of victory. She smiles back and hands me two sheets of toilet paper. Let me say that again, so that you fully understand what I got. Two squares of cheap Scott Tissue type Toilet paper. Um, I point to her roll to try and let her know that two sheets were not quite going to do it. She simply smiles, nods, and motions me too the door. I would get no more Toilet Paper from her. So I took my two sheet, once again feeling defeated and destroyed the ladies toilet. I am sorry for the gruesome details. All seemed lost, when suddenly I realized I had a packet of tissues in my backpack from when I had been sick. I made sure not to flush that toilet. That lady was going to earn her fifty cents.
Adventure #2...I am determined not to be caught off guard again. I immediately go to the store and buy plenty of tissues. I figure they could be used for runny noses or runny asses. Now I am in The hostel in Sarajevo. They would put out one roll of toilet paper in the morning for all 36 people to use throughout the day. The rest the kept in the bathroom, very well locked behind a clear plastic case. It was like a tease. You could see the Toilet paper, but you could not touch. Now I did not expect to have a problem at a hostel. They generally take care of people. But alas, not at this one. I should have though something was funny when I had to wade though some mysterious liquid just to get to the toilet. I was careful to do a wonderful balancing act to ensure nothing but the soles of my shoes got wet. But silly me I did not quite learn my lesson and did not look for that beloved item until it was too late and the damage had been done. No problem you are thinking, right? I have got plenty of toilet tissues in my backpack. I am a well seasoned backpacker and plenty prepared. Ha! Not! My backpack was securely locked away in my locker. You see, I keep all my valuable stuff in my small backpack, my camera, my railpass, my guidebook, my sunglasses, & my toilet paper. The only thing that saved me this time was a little bit of luck. I happened to have 1 single tissue in my pocket. Disaster number 2 averted.
So now today I have a daily morning ritual. I wake up. Put on my glasses. Take my wallet and my passport from my secret hiding place and put them in my pocket. Take my money from my wallet and put it in a secure pocket, and I take a pack of tissues out of my backpack and put them in my back pocket. Moral of the story...When your guide book warns you to carry toilet paper with you to a specific region or country, it is best to follow their advice. It is never fun to find out the hard way.
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Deelebe
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Women learn when they are young the importance of TP. We carry purses, with a supply of tissues for any emergency. Even in the states there is no guarantee there will be TP in a public restroom.