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Published: November 25th 2006
Monteverde Cloud Forest Reserve
A killer spider, just before horseback riding.Hi all.... SUPER DUPER LONG UPDATE ALERT!!! I have to do it though, since I've been slacking the last 3 weeks!!
If you don't love me and are super lazy, just scroll down to the bottom and read the bold RECAP!!! I'll throw some pictures on mañana...
I'm done with my trip... capped it off with bungee jumping off a 265-foot high bridge over a gorgeous Costa Rican river canyon (I have dvd of this!). I'm still here in Alajuela Costa Rica but leaving mañana (in the Mexican sense) to begin the return journey back north to Puerto Morelos. I'll be busing from capital city to capital city, spending 1 or 2 nights around but not in each, stopping over in places I missed along the way. I don't wish to remain in Puerto Morelos long after I arrive... at most a week... so I'll be home by Mid-December.
I love Puerto Morelos and most of all its resident Porteños so I'll be back, but only to visit and remember. I've discovered the importance of being able to say good-bye and cherish a place or person as they were when things ended, and I feel my life in Puerto
Morelos is indeed over. No need to desperately cling, question, delve into the past, erase or alter any memories. I feel this is truly "moving on" although I have come to loathe what term that implies... moving on does not mean simply putting the past behind you, forgetting, or suppressing memories and feelings, good or bad. It means facing the past and all those feelings, learning from them, and then building on it... growing from your lowest point to reach a new high. Not necessarily a new high as in better off, because there is no way to compare life before and after, but in a change for the best that is possible now.
I am so glad I followed the urge I felt to get out and travel outside of Mexico... then past Guatemala, even though I hadn't planned on it! I'm also thankful that I have a wonderful and supportive family (in the blood and very extended sense) who did not openly doubt or try to stop me from doing something that appeared to be crazy when I was at a very low and weak point. (I promise to keep the crazy spontaneity going, though.) The last
three months have been the absolute worst and best of my life thus far. I say that knowing my youth all too well. But life is highs and lows for sure... the picture of me on Volcano Pacaya captures it all: on top of the world after an exhilarating climb... marvelling at the beauty of the contrasting fiery lava and harsh cold winds over a blue valley... the sense of accomplishment and at once the sinking feeling of loss and wishing Philip were there to share it.
Philly Pie. He's been with me on this trip... I just know it. It's always a joy to feel his presence, a sobering joy. I set out to see the places we had been planning on visiting in our remaining Mexico time... and ended up going three countries south to the area around which he lived when he was a young blondie soaking up Spanish and his love of Latin America. Without him I wouldn't have made it to Mexico in the first place, or had such a deep appreciation of the culture. Because of Phil I was able to leave this
trip 100% to chance, and been supremely pleased with the
results. I came to enjoy the "wake up and pick a place on the map" plan, although he'd have thrown the entire guidebook out. He'd be proud of my Spanish although it's still crap and when I'm scared (horseback riding, big birds, bungee jumping) I hear and speak only gibberish... but still, I've done this without him as my crutch. I think most importantly, I've learned from Phil how to really live. He was a laid back guy, but he pushed himself when it came to what mattered most in his life... he was brave enough to pursue what he loved even though it was unconventional, underwater, in another country, and away from friends and family. He didn't kid himself about what kind of life was worth living, and he did it. I hope to keep on living a different kind of life, never settling for the average.
Shocker here... In Guatemala I met someone very special, Mark, although we didn't realize at the time our now obvious connection. He actually snapped that photo of me on volcano Pacaya. After many long talks in San Pedro Guatemala we parted ways but kept in touch through email, eventually meeting up
to travel for three weeks through Nicaragua and Costa Rica. You don't always get to decide who leaves your life and when, but you can choose who to let in, and this was the hardest decision I've ever had to make. The stress of worrying what could happen and what you all back home would think made me ill and I nearly packed it all in and went home! My lovely sister helped to calm my nerves... and I decided that if I'm really going to move on, live and love life, that means accepting the pain it may bring. Upon realizing this I saw that I already knew that he was worth it, that I'm worth it, and I shouldn't let something so special slip away because of what could happen to anyone, anytime. This is the good stuff in life!
The very day Mark boarded his first flight on the world trip that ultimately led him to me was the same day I was flying to Mexico because of the tragedy that led me to take my own trip. By chance we met on a bus ride from Flores to Antigua, sized up and ignored each other,
climbed the volcano and couldn't stop talking. I'm a truly superstitious person and don't know about fate -- it can be so cruel -- but this is one of the chance encounters that changes your life and makes you think.
I'm changed. Onto life! I welcome the barrage of emails I'm likely to receive after an update like this one... 😊. It's cesandoe@gmail.com .... I'm not likely to get your messages on here for weeks. I miss you all and can't wait to see ya.
RECAP for lazy folks: To recap... I had a gun waved in my face in Belize (sorry to leave that one out, Mom) by a hilariously overweight aviator-sporting immigration officer. Had my bags rifled through and key essentials stolen on a bus ride. Went caving and got a cool scar. Watched the sun rise and the jungle come alive in Tikal. Climbed the active volcano Pacaya... and poked a stick into a lava flow. Toured Antigua's bar scene. Took the world's scariest "tuk-tuk" taxi ride. Relaxed and kayaked on Lago de Atitlan, the world's most beautiful lake. Went on a 3 am hike to see the sunrise over the lake. Toured
San Jose, Costa Rica
Mark's ace selection of a 5-star hotel, with Ted's feet to the side Antigua's bar scene again. Explored Copan Ruinas, Honduras. Missed my bus because of the French. Had a scary macaw climb up my arm and try to eat my face. Drank entirely too much coffee. Got 90 minutes of sun over 4 days in the Bay Islands. Took 3 scary-then-amusing prop plane rides across Honduras. Hurried to Granada, Nicaragua, to get the crap out of Managua before election day (the Sandanistas live!). Fell in love and quit writing in my blog. Drank in a speakeasy on election night and tried to sleep through the celebrations (or was it rioting??). Relaxed in a bungalow on Lake Ometepe. Did the 5-star thing for free in San Jose, Costa Rica, then turned around and slummed it on a 34th class bus for 4 hours while some fat woman sat on Mark and I tried not to laugh. Got locked in said bus for 30 minutes when the driver stopped midway. Was awakened at night by the rumbling of Volcano Arenal. Did a zip-line canopy tour over Monteverde cloud forest. Did a "tarzan swing" jump. Went horseback riding for the first time since that one really scary time when I was a child. Saw a
San Jose, Costa Rica
Mark's ace selection of a 5-star hotel three-toed sloth (my mascot!), coatis, snakes, spiders, lizards, numerous scary birds, vermin, and spider and howler monkeys. Got hit in the head by a stick thrown by one of the howler monkeys. Took the quickest route between two cities 25 miles apart, which took 4 hours and included a boat ride over Lake Arenal. Discovered every taxi, bus, boat driver and even horse riding guide will stop midway through a trip to stop and patronize their buddies' crap restaurant / souvenir shop. Learned to play backgammon and came to dominate my teacher. Spent 3 nights on the Pacific soaking up sun and celebrating Philip's 22nd birthday on the water at night. Climbed 15 kilometers around Volcano Rincon de la Vieja in fierce winds. Was supposed to go whitewater rafting, but had to visit the British Embassy due to Mark losing his passport, and ended up spending our last day together doing a spur of the moment bungee jump and enjoying a fine dinner in Alajuela. Said our good-byes. I return to writing and decide it's time to come home.
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