No Meat Here Me thinks "el crocodilo" may have take one look at Hawkins and thought "el no oh, English take-a-way again! I am fed up with skinny white men with no meat. I will wait for a tasty mexican with a bit of extra girth!".
El Joff and other dictators Now that you are in Mexico and soon to venture into central and South America you will be familiar with dictatorships and the methods of the secret police - which include CENSORSHIP. Why, I ask myself, have my comments been censored by the El Joff police (AKA "El Tigeros")??
Clearly my comments are upsetting your regime and could lead to an all out rebellion. Never mind, being a good citizen, I have learned the error of my ways and promise to be nice.
Anyway, very impressed (and amazed) to hear that you are taking in the cultural sights (including churches of all things). I am also impressed that you bought food on the market - a strong stomach is needed for such daring-do! What did you eat - chimi changas, burritos, fajitas? All Mexican food is the same, it's just folded differently, so if they get your order wrong it's very easily fixed.
Blighty is wet and miserable. Nights drawing in - you know, getting up in the pitch blackness and all that (did you ever do that anyway?). Tornado was a laugh - Kensal Green, so hopefully it blew a few trendy Notting Hill wannabies away. Christmas party season is now in full flow. Tom was too hung-over to make it to my client drinks on Friday 'cos of his do on Thursday and Mo was too wasted to turn up - he would have been an embarrassment.
We are having a drinking club Chrimbo special next week but as you know I can't say anymore about that. We will have a pint and a whisky toast for you and if you have a mobile we will patch you in for a few rousing shouts and such like. I also will make sure that Tom and I have a shish bab in your honour and a doner while we are waiting.
Gripping Your travelogue makes engaging reading sir. If the BBC had owt about em, they would have packed a crew off with you Palin-styley for an entertaining jaunt around the globe. I would like to add that I hope another of your policies for election would be that sittting was compulsory for 12 hours every day. Glad to hear all is groovy and look forward to the next exciting installment. I like the Saturday-morning-serial 'tune in next time' at the end of every entry. Take care chief.
Football Coach I am enjoying the your travel diary.
With all the pre-leaving boozing I wonder whether the team coach analogy might not be more Brian Clough than Alf Ramsey?
All the best
Chris
the "old country"? How long have you been away? you're sounding like a leather-skinned old ex-pat. Sounds like it's going well already mate. Photos of you with zapata moustache imminent i hope!
We're back and you are off You sound like you are having a fantastic time - we got back from USA yesterday and had an amazing time - shame we weren't in LA at the same time but never.
Thanks for all your help at the wedding - we had a great day but it was sad to see you go!
Have an amazing, amazing time! And we'll log on soon to see where you are
The Hoopers xxxxx (as you can tell rach is writing it cos Ian wouldn't send kisses!!!)
Hunter Found Chasing Tigers Glory Around The Globe Rumour has it a hunter by the name of Joff the Pink But Magnificent can be found searching the globe in the hope of bagging a tigers win. The lengths some people will go to after relegation is beyond even this desperate Leeds fan. Good luck mate, I hope all goes well. Keep us all posted and I will try to remember to let you know when baby K arrives. I will have a quid on you meeting another Cas fan by Christmas and another quid on you being questioned by the Police by Easter (I will keep scanning the Sky News website for your picture). Barcelona here we come (you, me, Chris, Paul, Jeremy, Dave, Red and Lionel) for a proper send off.
Your Stuff Echoing your Mum's comments, don't forget to change your pants (turning them inside out does n't count). Good luck and the sweepstake we mentioned at DC is now up and running.
PS. Anyone want to buy a flat screen telly?
What a palaver This all seems a bit elaborate for a trip to Devon and Cornwall. And by the way the folk there can be a bit sensitive about people saying they cannot speak English -although I admit the accent can be a bit broad and worzelly.
Good luck and send us all some clotted cream
Chris
Last-minute reminders Can't let you go without a few reminders:
Have you got your hankie?
Have you got some clean undies?
Make sure you've got some toilet roll in your back pocket.
Make sure you pin your money to your vest.
Have you left our christmas presents?
On a more serious note, son: have a great time, you've earned it!
I shall miss you loads!
The Horror Well good luck old chap. Reading your first blog entry, can I advise you don't try any jokes with the natives cos if they're anything like your "strapped for cash" quip then you could end up in a big cooking pot.
Why do I have visions of me, Paul, Nick, Kris and Simon having to come and rescue you in HMS Barbados? I can see you becoming the leader of some tribe, wandering round in your pants, and us having to rescue you. Apocalypse Joff.
Anyway, good luck with it. Look out for us, we'll be the ones with comedy swords and eye-patches coming to rescue you.
bye bye sounds awesome, i'm so jealous, look forward to meeting lots of freak and unique types in all them hostels haha...i can see you checking yourself into the hilton after a week teehee...see you a couple o weeks before you go xxx
Puff Revenge time. I seem to recall a serious amount of abuse about my travel emails from Oz so I look forward to taking the urine for a whole 12 months!
On a more serious note (and this will be the last note of that kind) I think you will have an amazing time and knowing your love of sport , beer etc. I will be surprised if you come back. Don't forget if it wasn't for your family and friends, why on earth would anyone want to return to a dump like Cas Vegas?
Ten Tigers. Go to it Surgeon!
Good Luck Well It looks like I'm the first to say Good luck......
and have fun in "Good Old Uncle U.S. of Stateside"
If Les wants to take you to stay at Ali Baba's..... be afraid........ be very afraid
Reasons why Running away just because Castleford Tigers have been relegated shows great dedication. If you want to run a little sweepstake on how many days it takes before you meet another Cas fan (Lee H doesn't count!), I will be happy to collect the money - proceeds to charity.
Daddy K
non-member comment
No Meat Here
Me thinks "el crocodilo" may have take one look at Hawkins and thought "el no oh, English take-a-way again! I am fed up with skinny white men with no meat. I will wait for a tasty mexican with a bit of extra girth!".