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June 20th 2010
I'm sure you are all slightly misty eyed to be reading my last travel blog post, but I know what will cheer you up... A STORY ABOUT ME GETTING MUGGED!!! Metaphorically of course (I'm like Lue Ferigno or Adam Ayash next to everyone in these countries). That being the case I have received a metaphorical mugging from my life style here. First of all, I'm not exactly fueling my body with vitamins and minnerals as I'm pretty confident I have set a world record for Pad Thai consumption. I am litterally the reason the "street food" sector of Thailand's economy has gotten out of the world recession. As Thialand has been setting my body up with a nutritional jab Laos, Cambodia, and Vietnam have followed up with haymakers to the face, leg, and body respectively. The ... read more
May 22nd 2010
Let us pick up where we left off... BECOMING THE EXCLUSIVE BARTENDER FOR THE GAY & LESBIAN COMMUNITY OF SYDNEY'S NORTHERN BEACHES Yes this is one of my prouder accomplishments as the gay community is a picky one, and exceptionally aware or what makes a “smart cocktail.” I was asked to become, “the bartender for all future private events held by the Gay and Lesbian Alliance of Sydney’s Northern Beaches” while bartending one of their private functions held at my bar (Henry Africa’s). A gay and lesbian dream team was assembled to make them more Mai Tai’s then they knew how to handle. Bartending was myself, and “sugar James” aka “Gay James.” When a gay and straight James team is assembled, there is no cocktail that can’t be made (with sas!), and no interior that can’t ... read more
May 18th 2010
Youuu Wah Massaaaaaaaaaaahh? No I don't want a massage (as you may already know I'm very ticklish, and the prospect of an oil massage represents a squirmy hell for me), but regardless of the incessant offers for a “Cheap Cheap” “Massaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahh” I'm having a lovely time here in Thailand. As you have likely already realized, while on my travels I am constantly accruing new skills, talents, and deadly arts knowledge. I know that is hard to fathom seeing that I was already a master coin flicker, free body diagram drawer, polo match heckler, and “Toad Jam & Earl go to Funkatron” player. So the thought of me realizing even more skills is arguably terrifying, or possibly terra-frying as the earth may spontaneously erupt into flames as such a versatile master passes over it. So brace yourself, ... read more
On the road again, but this time my ears are bleeding
Published: April 20th 2010Oceania » Australia » Northern Territory » Alice Springs
April 13th 2010
That's right nerds I’m finally leaving Sydney, and my right ear is mysteriously bleeding. But first things first, I need to back up a little bit and answer the dozens of questions I have imagined have been pouring in from all those people who actively follow my blog and care about what is happening to me. Question 1: “I don't understand James, why are you homeless and living in a van? Maybe in your next entry you can explain that?” I especially like this question because it is the only question that was actually asked and I have not invented for the purpose of this blog (thank you Charlotte). The blog Charlotte just couldn't wait to hear more about was all about my misfortune while traveling in New Zealand. This is an adventurous country very ... read more
Mom, I talk about Hugh Jackman in this one!!!
Published: April 13th 2010Oceania » Australia » Northern Territory » Alice Springs
April 13th 2010
WARNING: This post is all about my last stand up routine. It may be boring to some readers, and offensive to others. I preformed one more gig since my last post on the subject. I was pleased with my first performance, but not all that happy with it. After this most recent performance, however, I was ecstatic. So this post is not about me failing, but actually about my success as I am proud of my performance, and am definitely inspired to continue stand up comedy when I get back to DC. Please reference the pictures of me killing it on stage. I should have a regular style post up in the next hour or two. The whole premise of the joke was inspired by Colin Lloyd. Just before leaving for Australia I was ranting about ... read more
Nothing beats the hobo life
Published: February 21st 2010Oceania » New Zealand » South Island » Milford SoundFebruary 21st 2010
Rachel: "should we get tuna... wow look at all the different flavors" James: "buy them all!" James: "I don't know about you, but I'm pretty excited to eat cold spaghetti-o's out of the can every night" Rachel: "why do you keep doubting my commitment to living like a homeless person?" "Let's get a station wagon so we can sleep in it" - Rachel These were all quotes from our first days in New Zealand. We didn't realize the consequences that would result from the decisions we were making that day. They have lead to fun quotes such as: "you should just write about how we are never prepared for anything... nothing... not one thing. Or you could write about all that awful tuna we bought." - Rachel "Ahhh, I slept in the same clothes I went ... read more
I'm funnier than Even Ferguson and Andrew Werczyk combined
Published: February 2nd 2010Oceania » Australia » New South Wales » Manly
February 2nd 2010
The Internet sort of says I’m a comedian: ------------------------------------- “One of Western Australia's leading funny men, John Robertson will also be on the bill to MC the very first heat of Quest for the Best '10, Australia's richest open mic competition in which the eventual winner takes home $5000. Contestants will be: • Sue Thomas • Kathy Smith • James Colley • Andrew Werczyk • James Calabrese • David Burke • Sean Ticehurst • Evan Ferguson Word of the week is Elvis. Tickets are $15 and available through Moshtix. Show starts at 8pm.” ---------------------------------------- Go to http://www.comedyontherox.com.au/ to see it for yourself. The show is Feb 3rd (tomorrow). As you can see, I have finally accomplished the almost impossible dream of having my name appear somewhere in the World Wide Web. How many of you can ... read more
January 7th 2010
“You inexplicably know lots of awesome people even though you are repulsive yourself” -Michelle Young what WHAT indeed you ‘awesome people’. Everyone’s top 15 favourite polluter of the blogosphere is back with his long delayed and marginally anticipated 10th blog. Time for more gut wrenching tales of misadventure? Perhaps I have lost a limb, or I choked to death and curiously left this 10th blog with an attorney as my last will and testament. Wrong. The last 9 blogs have sucked you in for my first (and only?) blog about my successes here in OZ. Even I, the charmingly befuddled Virginian, have made a few right moves here in this backwards country. Success #1... Surfing: Many of you may be surprised to hear that I have actually improved considerably at such a cool and sexy recreational ... read more
December 12th 2009
So my life was going pretty well for a while, and therefore I did not update my blog during that time. I would have loved to, trust me; nothing would have made me happier. I began to write several blog entries, but they were all about my success, and happiness, two things I realize few if any of you care at all to hear about. Luckily, however, I had some inspiration when I returned to yet another night of work at the bar, and within the first hour slaving away there I felt a deluge of inspirational misery which ended my joyful writer’s block. Bartending 101: Rule #1... Always be dancing. You must dance for two reasons. The first being that it is the only way to maintain sanity: As I watch hundreds of different ... read more
The Hunchback of Henry Africa’s (They call me Mr. Glass)
Published: November 24th 2009Oceania » Australia » New South Wales » ManlyNovember 24th 2009
I have come to realize that I have arguably the worst position possible at the bar (Henry Africa’s). I now understand that every day I come into work there, I am the most hated person in the bar. This is because I work behind the bar, I dress like a bartender, I help make a lot of drinks, I have soft welcoming Calabrese/Pippin fusion features, but I can not make your drink. Not only can I not make you a drink, but I can not even make eye contact with you. I am the hunchback of Henry Africa’s cursed to roam behind the bar looking down at the floor in shame at all times. When I make eye contact with anyone, they immediately get excited and lean over the bar to order a drink from ... read more
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