Day 4 and 5 - Bangkok to Koh Phangan - Trains, Boats and Automobiles

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Not much to report for last day in Bangkok. Rob had massage with Thai ninja monkey with 6 knees, went to collect his handmade shirt which was 2 inches too short in the arm. Tantrum about to start when tailor realised he had given the wrong shirt to Rob. Rob very pleased with results. Moo sat by the pool, playing with her blisters and waiting to get ready for the train.

Caught taxi to Hua Lamphong station, had political conversation about ex PM Thaksin in pigeon thai/english with driver whose roof was covered in photos of his family and dashboard covered in mini buddhas. At 5pm we boarded train, seats 5 and 6 in 2nd class dungeon, I mean carriage. Saw some interesting Thai life for the first couple of hours, including what appeared to be a new road or train track being built for about 20 miles, until the sun set for the evening.

Then came the food.

Rob quite enjoyed whatever it was he'd been given. Moo had some kind of what she assumed was watery vegetable broth until she discovered what resembled a large piece of monkey brain inside it. You may consider this an exaggeration but even Rob wouldn't touch it.

Lots of Thai's selling their wares and calling 'meeee ha' up and down the train at each station.

Toilets. Hmmmm. Moo had to roll up her trousers and squat over a hole in the bottom of the train through which she could see the track. The same track we had seen Thai children playing on. Such ablutions were no easy task on a swaying train whilst trying to balance on tip toes, hold your knickers and trousers and your nose. ROb had great fun of course, practicing his aim.

Bed time. Little Thai man comes along and does some kind of origami with solid steel and two bunks are made. Rob had the pleasant bottom bunk whilst Moo tried to sleep with her face 2 ft from a blazing strip light and air con blasting into her eyes. 11 hours later, at 4 am, having had 1 hours sleep on the 'sleeper' train, we disembarked into a deserted town like something out of a Stephen King movie. Hopped on the bus with yet more close-to-face strip lights and large spiders, to some random pit stop in the middle of nowhere where Moo played with a small puppy. As you do. Several buses coming and going, collecting and delivering passengers. 3 hours later we get on another death bus for another hour long journey to the ferry port. Waited around for yet at least another hour without a clue as to what was happening. At just before 10 am we FINALLY boarded the 8 am ferry. Lying bastard travel agents. An hour and a half later we hit Samui to drop off passengers then off again to Pha Ngan. At this point we thought it would be nice to sit on the top deck with the sea breeze. By the time we arrived 30 mins later we were fried. Pha Ngan Thong Sala pier was like the fires of Hell. The heat was unbelievable, would have been ok if we weren;t utterly knackered, sunburnt and carrying all of our belongings, cases, bags and all sorts and without a clue as to where our hosts were picking us up from.

Cut a long story short, we called and were told the wait at the 7 Eleven only to discover when we put the phone down that there were 400 7 Elevens in Thong Sala. Eventually got on board the shopping cart (our hosts had been to the market so we sat in the back of a pick up truck with bananas, pineapples, eggs etc. Not the luxury we're used to). Within 30 seconds of setting of Moo realised she had left one bag behind, 5 minutes later we finally got the driver to understand that we needed to go back for it but he wanted to go to the shop first to get his fags!! The bag contained the valuables and passports. Luckily it was still there when we got back. Stupid cow.

After yet another hour in the back of a jeep, that did more than Rob's chiirpractor could ever do in the same time due to the roads, lanes, tracks, undergrowth and moped drivers we ran over on the way. All this, we later discovered, occured in temperatures in excess of 40 degrees. At this point Moo was ready to kill. Our non english speaking chauffer simply pulled over, got our cases out and just grunted and pointed to a hill that Eddie the Eagle could have won a gold for; had he jumped off it at the Olympics. We dragged our cases down (they pulled/pushed us) with Moo sliding all over with the 3 inches of moisture swilling around in her flip flops.

Finally 21 hours later, yes 21 fucking hours later, not the 1 fucking hour flight from Bangkok that Moo suggested, but the fucking 21 hour journey that Rob wanted to "see a bit of Thai culture". Sorry mums but it had to be said. Received the rapturous traditional Thai welcome of paying for your room upfront, that you haven't even seen, and the air con hadn't been on for god knows how long. At this point Rob feared for his life whilst restraining Moo from attacking the passive (read: gay) Buddhist manager.

Now the good news. Room is lovely. Views are stunning. Moo is ecstatic at the amount of dogs patrolling the beach, like a live nature programme. Rob is ecstatic about the amount of spicy food patrolling the menu. Finished off the day sunbathing for about 30 mins with a pack of 4 dogs lying around us, dozing, followed by some good food, great bar and restaurant staff, fecking football for Rob (Carew hatrick - whatever that means) and an early night.

Anyway, please feel free to leave any comments since we are spending our precious sunbathing time writing these blogs for you all! This has been written at the end of day 6, now that Moo has had time to calm down and laugh about things so we'll update you again in a couple of days.

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