'Nam

---

Hanoi is a great place, a bustling city with good nightlife and good food, even if the servings are a touch on the small side. You have to order 2 or 3 portions for a proper meal but I suppose that’s fits in with their preference for meal sharing, and maybe why the locals are all quite small. Its pretty similar to Bangkok if a little rougher round the edges. There are motorbikes everywhere, in my first 3 days here I witnessed 4 motorbike collisions, one narrowly missing me by a foot (not mine). Nothing serious, and even if it was I could imagine the locals just getting on with things anyway as is their nature. Its quite easy to get lost in all of the side streets here (I can attest) and there is food cooking everywhere (yes, even some dog). One of the touristy things you can do here is go and visit 'Uncle Ho', who is not some strange transgender prostitute but in fact Ho Chi Minh; the revolutionary icon famous for leading the Viet Nam independence movement from 1941 and later becoming prime minister. Despite his explicit requests specifically not to be embalmed once he died, they ignored him and embalmed him all the same. That'll teach im for being a socialist leader. You can go and view his body at the mausoleum if you can make it over there before 11am, don’t even think about taking your own camara, they don’t have a sense of humour if you do.

In Hanoi I ran into another spot of money hassle as there was a problem and a subsequent delay to funds on my credit card which meant I wasn’t paying my hotel bill on time. My friendly offer of goodwill was ignored and the hotel manager opted instead for my passport with the promise of checking my details with the authorities later that day. I knew I'd have the money available to me soon (an angry email sent to the credit card company, they'd be sorry!) so I wasn’t that bothered. I kept plenty of cash for food after my Laos lesson but what was annoying was having to be accompanied by one of the hotel cronies everytime whenever I needed my passport. I suppose there have been plenty of backpackers before me who have ripped off hotels.

I spent 2 long days of heavy rain in Hue before heading across to Hoi An, where backpackers go to get cheap tailor made suits. At $80 a suit ($40 at the cheapest) and $10 a shirt, I dont think I'll ever have to buy another suit. Though I regret going for the shoes, the end results were a distant relative to the pictures they advertised, but at $15 a pair I couldn’t really complain. My Britishness shone through as I told them how much I especially liked the shoes. I even got a free (tasteless) tie with my purchase, buying things full value is for losers.

A coach journey later and I reached Nha Trang, easily my favourite place in Viet Nam even though I suffered two greviences there. The first being the discovery of a music shop where you could pay the equivalent of 75p for an album downloaded directly to your ipod, bargain! I ordered 50 albums and happily signed the disclaimer absolving them of any responsibility. Afterall, it looked like a fine organisation run by english people, it would be like leaving my ipod with friends! One week (and several hundred miles) later my ipod let out its last note and died (well, it froze for a good while first). Not even the trusty method of hitting it and shaking it could entice it back to life. The second misfortune (naivity) occurred after a good night when I was walking back to my hotel and a motorbike stopped behind me. Hopping off the bike was the skankiest, most stereotypical sounding Vietnamese prostitute offering me "good time" by the beach. I'm pretty sure she even muttered 'love you long time' at some point for extra effect. Reproaching prostitutes is common practice after travelling around south east asia (especially with this face) but this woman was particularly persistant. After finally convincing her to give up chase, she left me feeling the fool as I checked my pockets 20 minutes later and noticed my phone and all my money missing. Although it was annoying, I was quite impressed as I didn’t notice a thing at the time. Oddly, 20 minutes later a 10 year old girl on a bicycle showed up with my phone, not even good enough for thieves apparently. I must get a new phone.

You cant be angry in Nha Trang though, it’s a fantastic beach town. One of the highlights was taking the scooter out at dawn and taking in the incredible amount of Vietnamese of all ages populating the town and beach with their daily exercise, not one fatty. That particular morning I was duped into having a tea with some bloke I thought wanted to practice his english. This sort of thing is not particularly rare, especially when people find out youre from England, and the conversation usually tends towards football funnily enough. Not so on this morning though, even before the tea arrived he began to tell me what beautiful eyes I've got. Something told me then and there that this wasnt the innocent charade I thought, so, thinking fast, turned the subject to the matter of my undying love for my (non-existant) girlfriend whom I was hoping to marry as soon as I got back. The cheek of the bloke, he hadnt even waited for the tea to arrive! I got out of there sharpish and vowed from that day forward that I will at least wait until the first few sips of a drink before telling a girl what beautiful eyes she has!

As Nha Trang is on the coast, there were endless boat and island tours on offer, essentially providing the same service except each proclaiming theirs to be the best. I went for one the '4 island' tours which was a total laugh. They have a winning formula; get a load of backpackers on a boat, provide music, alcohol and lots of activities and you cant go wrong. The highlight being let loose on a jet-ski (no warnings here, just get on a rag the arse off it for 10 minutes) and some interesting paragliding where I gained a lot of respect from the aussies for not spilling my beer despite the dodgy landing. Beer is very important to them.

Since the day was very overcast, and naively thinking my skin might be used to it by now, I went without sun lotion. Oh the consequences of that action. I was topless most of the day and I got burnt, bad. This was sun burn on steroids and went in stages. The first being the painful tender stage where you think it might be alright in a day or two. This I suffered on the coach journey to the next destination, Mui Nee. I'd heard lots about this place, with it its beautiful beaches and incredible sand dunes that you can 'surf' down. Not that I saw any of that of course, I'd already begun the second stage of the sun burn just as I painfully carried my backpack to my room; the flu-like symptons which rendered me bed ridden for the next few days. Knowing I had an impending departure date on my flight ticket, I decided to head down to Ho Chi Minh (Saigon) as soon as I was able, to sort out my flights and extend the stay. This was when I encountered the worse stage of all, the itching. This was like nothing I had experienced with sun burn before (and I'm pretty damn experienced in that department), the coach journey itself was filled with insessant itching (no wonder no-one sat next to me) but after that it seemed to get worse. I imagine I conjoured a great impression of a lunatic as I scarpered up the street manically twitching and grunting with irritation as I impatiently bought food and found a chemist. A chemist who couldn’t understand what this madman was after and who unfortunately kept handing me the wrong products, some with 'NOT FOR SUNBURN' written on them. I obviously couldn’t blame her but it was of the more frustrating moments. A few more days of constant swearing juxtaposed with desparate prayers and I'd recovered. It sounds stupid but the magnatude of that itching was the most painful thing I'd experienced, doesn’t bode well for my pain threshold.

Despite the little grievances I really enjoyed Vietnam, it provided everything you could want; excellent nightlife coupled with plenty to do during the day, as well as relaxing beach towns. The people I encountered friendly (except the thieving prostitutes!) and welcoming, one example being when I was invited to sit with a family for breakfast one morning who shared their food me (admittedly grilled fish was not what I was after at 8am but didn’t want to look impolite). I was weary of anyone who wanted to practice their english with me after my visit though......

---

Photos

Yep, I felt like a dickhead too.....
I was ambushed whilst trying to take a picture of something else (I forget what) and before I knew it a lady had taken my camara and thrust the baskets and hat on me then demanding money for taking a picture I didnt want.