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Published: August 5th 2008
The first few days in Saigon i spent doing the usuall bits and pieces, the Co Chi Tunnels, that Jon failed to rise from his pit for, after a rather heavy night out, where he returned to the hotel with a large exaust burn on his leg, from a motor bike driver that was giving him a lift to god knows where!😊,i was woken by Sarah telling me the coach was outside waiting, lept out of bed just about brushed my teeth and headed down in the clothes i had fallen asleep in the night before. luckily the tunnels are about an hour and a half away from the city centre so as you can imagine i slept for the duration. i relocated to the back seats to stretch out while everyone else spent 20 mins looking in the craft workshop, that i think, is where victims of agent orange make various handcrafts, either way i saw none of it whilst sarah (who drank considerably less than me and Jon i might add) soldiered on. i arrived at the tunnels drowsy and disorientated but luckily we had a joker of a guide that managed to laugh me back to my senses,
Dancing Child
a small child of 4 (we asked) who sleeps all day to be brought out at night to dance like a pussycat doll for money. he also did the odd body pop. very cute but just WRONG!and i was soon jumping down holes and crawling through tunnels much to clostraphopic Sarah's dismay. on the way back we were dropped at the war museum which had some pretty graphic photos of the victims of the war, so much so that it felt wrong to stand there taking pictures, accompanied by 2 disformed pickled fetuses in a jar...... Shockin! outside were some U.S tanks and aircrafts and strangely no sign anywhere of vietnemese weapons, it was almost made to seem like the Americans just came and killed a load of Vietnemese who were defenseless against them. although from what i gather the Vietnemese didnt start the war, and they won, so i guess its fair game. or was the lack of Vietnemese weaponry to do with the fact that all the weapons used were sold to them by the U.S so that while both innocent Americans and Vietnemese were slaughtered the U.S government made stacks of cash????.... i digress.
so day one was spent mooching around getting to know our surroundings day 2 Co Chi tunnels and day 3 was a surprisingly fun packed day at the Dam Seng Water Park, followed by late afternoon/ evening at the
Vietnemese bamboo war trap
beneath the rotating trap door lays poson tipped bamboo.....thats gotta leave a mark! theme park next door of ther same name. its not often that something truely excites me but something about going to a water park with tubes, slides, waves, ziplines.... need i say more, brought out the innerchild in me. we first tackled the slides and tubes on one side of this huge park and made our way to the wave pool, past the hula hoop competition and grabbed a rubber ring each. the kid in me was once again released and i set about trying to knock Jon off of his ring, pretty soon we had a crowd of vietnemese around us cheering us on and suddenly it was England v Vietnam. the kids we were playing with (i say kids they were about 15/16) ended up coming with us to the next set of slides, but i couldnt help but wonder if the reason was to get an eyefull, as Sarah's Bikini top didnt do the best job of staying in place as she hit the water..... and they always went first. once we had done all the slides Jon and Sarah had had enough but the words "again! again!" echoed around my head and i went for one
last round. (photo/video uploads to facebook soon plz Sarah 😊. next we made our way to the theme park (i say theme park it wasnt exactly Alton Towers), did the big wheel and looked out over Ho Chi Minh City, we then went inside a giant freezer that had ice sculptures of some of the wonders of the world, the only prob was that the coats they supply were less than sufficient and the fact that we were all wearing sandals meant that after about 10 minutes my toes were almost blocks of ice. next it was off to the roller coaster, which wasnt bad, it had loop the loops at least, when suddenly it started absolutely pissing down. luckilly i had my coat but Jon and Sarah wern't so forward thinking and started gettin pretty wet. that was until we realised that a big table canopy had blown into the path, so we picked it up and used it as a giant umbrella....why not! we made one more stop at a 3D cinema for a 5 min music video type thing that was quite cool (i did say it was no Alton Towers) before beginning the tedious task of
finding a bus home in the lashing rain, only to have 2 buses drive straight past us before the third one finally stopped and accepted 3 soggy foreigners.
the next day Jon and Sarah planned their departure north and headed to China Town but i had to get to the bank, the post office and also sort out my visa after being told by the immigration office (after an hour and a half wait) that i have to just go to a tour agency and pay for an extension, despite the fact it was their cock up!......... Goosfrabba.
i met up with them later and recieved an 'I LOVE CHINA' headband from Jon who is convinced that despite the the odds stacked against me that i will go to China...... i hope he is right, we said our goodbyes and i headed from our relatively luxury hotel to a 3 dollar dorm.
this is where the blog title comes into play, after meeting up with a cool guy from cornwall that had just spent the last year in china, he told me that there was a guy who worked at the hostel that had a tendancy to spark up conversation
(all be it in Vietnemese) as an excuse to "stroke him." i thought no more of it until that night after we were in bed this dude comes up to me and starts talking Vietnemese and squeezin my arm and chest while doing so. i couldnt help but laugh as i thought back to what Russ had said and realised that this obviously meant that he was gettin a night off from this freaky behaviour, i followed this with a look of distaste and he went back to his own bunk. the story doesn't end here, about 30 minutes later he comes over opens his shirt and lays on me for a couple of seconds before sittin up and carressin and sucking my nipples as though he were a 14 year old boy gettin his first feel of a pair off boobs. completly bewildered by the situation, not wanting to cause a scene at 1/2am and concious of the fact that he worked there i just repeated "no.... noo......nooo" as if it were aimed at a mischievous puppy, and he returned to his bunk once more, i spent the rest of the night with one eye open! Russ couldnt believe
it when i told him but obviously found it hillarious, the problem was that the randomness didnt end here.
that morning i had been and bought 2 large oil paintings (25 quid the pair, bargain!) to send home, went to the post office and walked back through the park. a Vietnemese man and woman (who spoke perfect English) passed a comment on my t-shirt and started talking to me explaining that their little sister was moving to London and their mother was gettin ill worrying about it and would i be so kind as to put her mind at rest that London is not some big scary place? i explained that i was hungry and needed to get some food and they asked if i could tell her over lunch, they seemed like nice enough people, i didnt have my passport on me, and my travellers cheques, that they would not be able to cash anyway, were in my pouch down my pants, so i agreed. we jumped in a taxi which i wasnt really expecting, but as long as they paid which they did, everything was cool. we arrived at their brothers house to find that their mum and
sister, for the third time this week, was at the hospital about her heart. i talked with their brother and they made me some lunch while i waited for their return, everything was cool, their brother had told me how he worked in a casino and offered to show me how easy it was to rig a game of cards and we went upstairs to where his gaming table was. he showed me how blackjack (as i mentioned that this was a game i knew) can be rigged and explained that he would be stationed in London in a few months and we could make some money together. knowing that the chances of this becoming a reality were slim to none i played along as to not rock the boat, after all i was in his house, eating his food and being that he was so enthusiastic it felt wrong not to. he had been telling me of a woman who promised him a certain commision for allowing some gambling to happen at his house but gave him considerably less than promised despite the fact that she was a millionaire. suddenly this woman was at the door returning for some
the actual size of a tunnel hatch
obviuosly not bui;lt with westerners in mind. even if u were small u would be met with a pit of snakes more gambling after her large win the day before and suddenly it was all systems go. i was suddenly a client of his from Australia and the plan was to invite her to a game of blackjack as some kind of payback for the previous night of which i would recieve 30% of the winnings. before i had a chance to agree or disagree i was being introduced to this well dressed middle aged woman with gold between all her teeth, as his Australian client and would she like to play a game while she waits for the other guests who were expected to arrive shortly. just before she walked in he had flung $200 at me and before i knew it we were deep in a blackjack hussle. my adrenaline was racing, trying hard to stop my hand from shaking and remain cool as to not give the game up $200 quickly turned into $8000 and we were playing what she declared was the last game. i had 21 and i knew that she had 20 so i went all in, she then reached inside her bag and pulled out a large brick sized amount of $100 bills and
cashed 40k into chips, i immediately thought that this was obviously not going to be the last game. however she also went all in, claiming that the 40k was nothing more than food for her horses, the brothers eyes lit up and as i had done previously i signed a random A4 piece of paper for the credit of 40k knowing that i have already won. it was now time to turn the cards over and i was asked to check my credit sheet before we continued, i think as a way of making it seem more formal and real, i did so and she then asked if she could check it. the pot was 88k in total and she had a confident look in her eye being that she had 20, she then looked up and demanded that being as her money was on the table and mine wasnt that she would only turn the cards over if my money was also present. i casually explained that going to the bank to potentially go straight back was a waste of everyones time and reminded her that she hasnt won yet and that the result is already set in stone
either way, however, she insisted! this is where it started to get murky, the brother pulled me outside the room and explained that he has $20 and he will try to borrow some more but is it possible for me to contribute, considering the guranteed win of a sizable pot, my eyebrow immediately raised! this coupled with a 'do u take me for a mug' look stared back at him. either way fate had lead my passport to be at the embassy due to the immigration cock up, so even if i had wanted to, it was impossible, and when i told him my card limit was a mear $400 compared to the required 20k he looked like he was going to cry. i couldnt tell if they were tears of a failed scam that filled his eyes or that of the realisation that the money he had told me he needed for his mothers heart operation was so close yet so far. he asked if i could go back inside and tell her, with a smile, that we would pospone the game while i acquired the money, which i did. she returned to her hotel whilst the pot remained
locked in a sealed box and our cards in seperate sealed envolopes. before she left i retrieved the $100 that i had put into the box in Vietnemese Dong stating that it made no sense to mix currencies for such a feable amount and i would return with the cash in USD. the whole familly gave me their emails and phone numbers and dropped me back to where they had picked me up, although this time they asked if i could pay the taxi as they only had dollars which the driver would not accept, i reluctantly handed over just under 3 quid. i then remembered that i had left my 1.50 sunglasses on their floor which they promised to look after until i wanted to come and get them, coupled with the offer to stay at their house rather than pay for a hotel upon my return. i said my goodbyes, obviously questioning the sincerity of this very perculiar situation that fate had thrown my way and walked away from one of the most random afternoons of my life, equalled in a very different way only by the antics of the previous night in the dorm...........
i went back
to the dorm where Russ was chillin and told him the whole story, whos reaction was pretty much the same as mine....... WTF! that night fate also threw 2 Brazillian guys my way that were waiting to collect their chinese visa the next day, after submitting all the relevant info (which they listed for me) the next morning their visas were ready and they headed north for china. SO THERE IS HOPE! all i need is an invitation from a chinese citizen or someone with a long term chinese visa and its china here i come! Russ did tell me that he had a friend who probably wouldnt mind, however in my haste i only took his name to look him up on facebook and not his email, and off course i cannot find him. so now i must wait to see the next card that fate deals me, but until then its off to a liitle town in the Mekong Delta called Ben Tre.
some peace and quiet is definately in order after the last few days so until next time.......
MUCH LOVE and keep it locked for another exciting episode of Dexta's blog LOL!!!!
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Craze Mc
non-member comment
whas up!
Yes Dexter i've been shit with keeping in touch but i thought now was a good time to say hello. Sounds like your travels are wonderous plus i heard you saw vaughn fairly recently. Just to let you know me and stanners went to a luciano concert @ brixton academy wich was very heavy unfortunately i had a few too many so i cant really remember all of luci's set. Ive got somemore reggae so if you want me to send a few tracks via email let me know. Nice it up Neill