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Published: October 24th 2008
***Breaking News***
Wow, OK s***!
What a day.
Our last day in Hanoi and we had done nothing so far but watch movies and sleep in our hotel. As soon as you go outside you will be scammed and hassled until you have no money.
On a previous day we had been asked for VD 100,000 for a bag of bananas and a portion of pineapple, i got the lady down to VD 30,000 which still seemed a rip off but what could you do. I unwillingly gave her 100,000 (about $10) which was the only note i had, and she assured me she had change. Once i had given her the money she said no no... 30,000 each.... 30 for bananas and 30 for pineapple... at which stage I argued with her and she was offended to no end. She finally gave me 60,000 back and relieved me of half of my bananas. The other lady working with her felt bad and gave me one banana back. after her colleague had walked off with my money. As we walked off unhappy she called us cheap. Hahaha which is fine i am cheap, but f*ck $4 for bananas, we didn't even pay that much in our recent banana crisis!
That afternoon we were curious as to how much it would cost to get to the Ho Chi Minh Mausoleum, so we asked a cabbie and he said 100,000, i said thankyou and we walked off... and yelled out to us and gestured for us to go now. I tried to explain that the Mausoleum had been closed for 10 hours, we aren't going now. Curiously i asked a cyclo driver, he said 50,000 and we said ok. Then
he wanted to take us! I tried to explain the same thing to him and he ended up following us all the way to our hotel. Just so he would piss off i said, ok fine we go tomorrow at 8. He shook my hand and was excited. Kell and i went upstairs to our room and thought it over, how do we get out of this one... He knows where we are staying and is expecting us. After much thought we decided the guy was sketchy and we didn't like him, and the only way to deal with things in Vietnam is money. 8 o'clock the next morning i went downstairs and he was there smiling and waving, sitting in his cyclo all excited. I walked up and said that Kell was asleep and not feeling well. We weren't going. I handed him 20,000 as a thank you for being so punctual. Confused he accepted the money and i walked off.
Back to today. Today is our last day in Hanoi and as i said we have seen and done practically nothing. We had to be out of our room at 12pm, and our train doesn't leave till 9pm. We walked on foot to Ho Chi Minh mausoleum and museum which were both closed but we just wanted to see them. It was a nice day, quite cool. Still humid and gross, but better than the last few days.
We had finished at the museum and were on our way back when a moto driver approached me. He explained that the museum was closed but said that this this this was open. One of the this's being the Museum of Ethnology which Kell and I had been interested in. We didn't really think much of the guy and kinda wanted to leave, and then he asked where i was from. Australia, of course and he proceeded to show me a little diary with nice messages written by 'Australians' they were quite comical and did sound authentic. "This guy is F**kn ugly but he knows what hes talking about." After our time in Thailand and the lovely travel agent we met called Lek, who had a similar book, and took us around on his bike, i was inclined to believe the guy.
He said 50,000 and i take you here here here, i said.. look we just want to go to the Museum. "Ok, ok". So he got his friend and they rocked up with two scooters. Passed us a helmet each and we were off. Kell was not impressed. After a hectic drive through insane traffic we made it to the museum. I handed the guy the 50,000 and he said no no... Here and back 50,000. I repeated it back to him a few times to confirm and he seemed genuine (they always do). So we headed into the museum which was great. They had an open air section with amazing huts and gardens. But the whole time in the back of our minds we were worrying about these two weirdo's waiting for us at the gate.
Eventually it was time to leave and we walked up to them and confirmed again the price and the destination. Of course it was still 50,000. Riight ok. So we headed back on the back of the bikes with these maniacs. I noticed my drivers fuel gauge was empty which had me thinking. Nothing good could come of this. We headed back in approximately the right direction though not the way we came. We arrived to a sketchy long street which had building sites on either side of the road, and surprise surprise he 'ran out of petrol'. Though having experience with bikes i knew it was a load of ****. Bikes cough and splutter when they are out of petrol, this one did not. Though i do like his attempt to simulate it. Good effort. Once stopped he pulled out an enormous flat head screw driver and started fiddling with something. Yeah buddy you cant put fuel in with a screw driver. by this time Kell was off her bike and looking worried. The guy said that we weren't far from our destination. Five minutes walk. Ok, fine, here's your 50,000. He laughed and said no no, 50,000 to Museum, then we wait 1 hour 15 minutes, and then we come back. I said no i already asked you that.... here's your 50,000. This went on for a couple of minutes and till we finally asked, how much do you want. He wanted 200,000 and I had 170,000 (not including about $US50 i also had in my wallet). We ended up in a huge argument, cars and traffic flying by us. I said thats all i have several times but it was not good enough. He looked me in the eye and said "You pay now, or you die". I said,"what did you say, we pay now or we die?". He confirmed it and Kell slipped away unnoticed to try and get help. Finally i pulled out $US5 and said there thats it... Thats enough. He agreed and then said, now you pay him $US40 (for the other driver).
At this point it was clear that no amount of money is going to please these guys, so im better off keeping my $US40. Unfortunately the guy already knew i had a very expensive camera in my bag, that wasn't good. I looked over to Kell and she was already 100m up the road. I tried to walk off calmly, but the second driver stood in my way, as the other one yelled at me for more money. Not impressed. Finally i came to the conclusion that it was time to get the **** out of here. I walked into the middle of heavy traffic waving my arms and yelling. Kell saw and started doing the same thing. The guys looked worried and backed off slightly. Passers by started to slow down. As i saw they were not following me, i made my way towards Kell, walking in the middle of the road and disrupting traffic. Kell saw me coming towards her and started to run. I soon realised that that is not a bad idea and there we were, two foreigners, running through traffic at top speed. The road led to nowhere. Well nowhere we wanted to be, but to my right i noticed a set of stairs that led to a parallel road. I pointed to Kell and we piss bolted. Like a god send there was a cab pulled over on the other side of the road, that a young lady was just getting out of. I put my fingers in my mouth and whistled as loud as i could. The young woman waved us over to her cab and I yelled back to Kell to hurry. We mindlessly walked through the insane amount of traffic and jumped into the cab.
Like out of a movie we were like, "drive drive", we told him where to go and sank low in our seats so the cab looked empty. 10 minutes later we were back in the old quarter not far from our hotel. Our cabbie pulled over and i told him we didn't have any Vietnamese Dong. Only US and handed him 10 bucks.... He looked confused, mainly because that was way too much money for the cab ride. Though generously he gave us something back. 100,000 Dong to be exact, and we thanked him a million thanks and got the **** out of there. We briskly walked back to our hotel and counted our blessings. Back inside we told the concierge and he just laughed. Not in a mean way but in the way that makes it sound not unusual.
A beer later and we are here posting this.... What a nightmare. What adrenalin. Holy Shite!
Please excuse the language.
That is all for now.
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Richard
non-member comment
OMFG!
Nick you almost got shanked with giant screwdriver. For fucks sake. Nothing more to say.