Two Swiss, A German, A Jamican-German, Six Canadians and Two Australians walk into a pub

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Greetings Fellow Reactionary Stereotypes,

Just before I start Saartje reminded me of a mildly amusing incident at Can Tho the morning we were heading back to My Tho for the Grooms family ceremony. We had to pick the bride up at 4am, but when we arrived she wasn't ready so we walked across the road to a cafe that was open (the Vietnamese always get up ridiculously early) and ordered some drinks. All I can safely say is not many people have had to sit in a road side cafe at 4am drinking coffee while watching a Bruce Lee film (with a lot of Vietnamese) all while waiting for a bride!



This is where we start our extensive travels of the Mekong. I should say right from the start that My Tho is not a tourist hot spot; what it is a jumping off point for trips up and down the Mekong. What happens is tourists organise tours from Saigon and either travel down to My Tho, tour the Mekong for the day and then split back to Saigon or they travel down from Saigon and tour the Mekong for a few days staying in other places in the delta and either head back to Saigon or head off to Cambodia. We organised to meet one of the Saigon tour groups at My Tho and head off for three days of discovery, adventure and hopefully a spot bear wrestling in the jungle (Sarah just loves to wrestle bears).

We met up with the group on the river front and were dismayed to find out that we were lumped together with a Canadian family and this was only because every time they spoke they seemed to complain about something. The tour was supposed to start with a push bike ride through the streets of My Tho to a designated spot for breakfast, but there weren't enough bikes so Sarah and I decided to sit it out. We waited on the riverside and saw a bunch of Europeans and one Vietnamese guide turn up in a fleet of Cyclos (you can always spot a European) and we could tell they were from the same company as the Canadians as the guide was wearing the same shirt. Sarah and I lamented the fact that we were lumped with the Canadians and not the group of Young Europeans.

The Canadians came back so we prepared to go. Then our phone rings and it is the tour guide who we had been in contact with previously wanting to know where we were. As it turned out we were standing right behind her. That's the thing we’ve found about Vietnam (as was pointed out to me by a friend in Hanoi) everything teeters on organised chaos. But it turned out that we were going to be touring with the young Europeans after all! Yay Team Weather. We met some lovely people that day, people that will be hard to forget. There was Melissa and Oliver a German couple (although Melissa was born in Jamaica and had the cutest accent and she loved Cricket!) who were very friendly and very funny. Then there were Ueli and Dominique (or Alte Hase and the Dominator, we'll we did have to play the Australian role of giving everybody a nick name) a Swiss couple form Switzerland strangely enough; these two wonderful people will feature heavily in the next couple of entries. After making acquaintance with the Continentals we donned our sea legs and headed for open water (well the murky brownness of the Mekong).

So off we trotted onto a boat (some bits of treated timber lashed together with some string and nails would probably be a more appropriate term) chugged our way up the Mekong. The others seemed slightly worried but I shone through having spent several years as the Commanding Captain of a small Pirate fleet of the coast of Eastern Africa. We made land-fall on one of the various islands and proceeded to proceed along the proceeding paths that took us past (and here I quote the brochure) "normal Vietnamese conducting their daily work routine". Now this consisted of Vietnamese people standing out in front of stalls saying to us as we walked past 'You want to buy T-shirt? Very cheap, one dollar" or just sitting around on small plastic chairs drinking coffee (which by the way is what almost every Vietnamese does). So we all had a bit of a laugh at this and continued on our way. The scenery was really lovely as we walked through orchids bearing all kinds of fruit, through rice paddies being worked and gradually made our way to a small boat paddled by two small older Vietnamese ladies that would takes back to our larger ‘boat’. The poor things; having to paddle the four of us down these small channels through the jungle! But they didn't seem to mind and were very nice to us. They paddled us back to our lashed together treated timber for the next stage of our journey to Ben Tre province.

We hit Ben Tre and were issued with bikes that were not meant for tall Western people, when we peddled our knees quite literally hit some of us on the chin and we all kind of got a rude shock to find out that not many of us had brakes. It was an adventure tour right? We trundled our way around the island looking at rice paddies etc and then we passed a wedding. The tour guide stopped went in and asked if we could come in. Now Sarah and I had had the fortune of attending a wedding previously so we knew what we were in for. The continentals however were in for a shock. As soon as we walked in we were swamped by the family, they were all fussing over us, smiling at us, touching us, trying to shove rice wine down our gizzards, plying us with beer, soft drink, food, snacks and treats. I think the Euros were a little overwhelmed but handled it quite well. The Dominator had one or two shots of rice wine but found it unpalatable while at the same time Melissa couldn't get enough I think she had three or four by the time we had finished the 7 courses of food offered to us. She found it a little difficult ride for a time! Sarah meanwhile was getting felt up by the father of the bride and I, as usual, was constantly having my arms and shoulders grabbed, touched, pulled and prodded by all and sundry and all the while Ueli laughed and smiled. It was great and an experience I am sure that we were all happy to have had (just ask Dominator, she is now addicted to rice wine and is starting up production in Switzerland with home grown rice).
We hopped back on the bikes and headed off to a rice production facility (a small house on the side of the road that removes the rice from the husk), then to a place where they make coconut candy and fresh honey. While here we imbibed heartily in tea filled with fresh honey followed by some snake wrangling. I wish I had pics of this. Sarah had the python around her neck and was packing darkies at a rate unknown while I (being an internationally renowned herpetologist) was a picture of calmness and oneness with nature. Meanwhile the Swiss stayed neutral (ha ha) and refused to touch the snake. After this we rode back to the boat which took us back to My Tho, where the Canadian family joined us, and from there we had a mini bus to a small town near Vinh Long called Tra On.

Once there we found our accommodation for the night and then climbed aboard another boat to head to another island so we could have dinner with a fair dinkum Vietnamese family. The boat docked at the island and we set off down a jungle trail with no lights. It was eerie yet exciting at the same time and as we walked down the track the darkness was permeated only by the light of fireflies. I had never seen one before and they are quite a beautiful sight to behold as they dance in the blackness of the jungle. We finally arrived at the family home which was slap bang in the middle of a Sugar Cane plantation and an orchid of Logan trees. The house had a thatched roof, timber walls and a dirt floor, but it did have a TV. That is one of the things that get’s to me over here, I mean there is something seriously wrong in the world when it is more affordable to buy a television than to have clean, hot, running water. There is a great difficulty in reconciling how you live your life at home and the way so many people have to live here. You are torn between feeling guilty, helpless, and superior and you find yourself struggling with a deep feeling of incredible luck. The meal was sensational and the Vietnamese family were undeniably friendly and happy, it is amazing (as I have written before on numerous occasions) how happy they are when life for them seems such a constant struggle.

After dinner we were taken to a small river and put in a very small boat and taken through the jungle until we hit the main river, whereupon we were taken back to the mainland and our lodgings. Having had dinner at this home kind of brought home to us all how lucky we are in the west, so much affluence, so many things we don’t need but all too often not enough selflessness.

Tomorrow day two of our Mekong Delta tour where will find out how Sarah saved an Eskimo tribe from a rare tropical illness but in doing so created an international incident by being culturally insensitive by referring to them as Eskimos.



Fine and hazy with a tinge of middle class guilt.

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Photos

Sartje, Jaso and Alte Hase (Ueli)
Three white zoo exhibitions on day release pictured with the bride groom and grooms father at the wedding in Ben Tre province

That's what I think of you Capitalists
The Grooms father lets us know exactly what he thinks of the situation in Iraq, the oil crisis in the caspian sea and Australian domestic policy.

Alte Hase and The Dominator
Two of the most wonderful people you could find. The chocolate loving Swiss army knife wielding Ueli and Dominique.

So precise, so efficient
The world has never seen a better designed couple. The clinical German couple Mel and Oli.

Comments

[Dominator]

rice wine factory
dear friends, back at work!! shit. yes, I will quit my job at the goverment and starting a rice wine factory!! let you know more later. best wishes to you from ueli and dominator (in thoughts still with you!!!).