More Beach and Horny Canadians

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Things I associate with Railay: beautiful beaches, no a/c, electricity from only 6pm-6am, Canadians, even more Canadians, chilled out vibe, kissing, no toilet paper, sleeping on the floor, monkeys, over priced boat shuttles, paradise and semi-friendly Thai's.

This place is absolute paradise, there is getting round that. I just had a few unfortunate situations. We found our accommodation in Hat Ton Sai, a small place a short way along the beach from the main town. The only way to get there was an overpriced boat shuttle a semi-climb up and down steep rocks or wading through water (something that would prove problematic for the rest of our stay there.) Our hut was 1.50 pounds per night - it wasn't the best but it was still comfortable. We had no a/c, the fan and electricity only came on from 6pm-6am and they didn't provide us with towels. John and Kimpton were intelligent and so brought a real towel along with a travel towel. I only bought a travel towel which doesn't do a proper job and so had to dry my nether regions with the fan in the room - it took fucking ages.

My found more monkeys. These ones were just hanging around with everyone on the beach. I think my opinion on monkeys might be changing. They're not for playing with like a thought. They show you no love unless you have some food to give them. I wonder how much you'd actually have to give them to be full, they are never satisfied. A lot like my cat: always meowing if it wants feeding but pays me no attention even when I've returned from uni. I've learned on this trip that it it hard to communicate with animals

If you ever come here, then you should know that this place is a mecca for rock climbing. I had considered doing it after an English guy with dread locks had told me on the boat from Koh Phi Phi that it was safer than crossing the road. However, I assessed the situation and decided not to as there was enough 70degree rock faces to get from beach to beach and to high points on the island to satisfy my rock climbing urges, we'd just splurged loads of money on scuba diving and comparing my body and climbers bodies at breakfast I realised that body wasn't really designed for it: my arse is massive and it would be a big effort to haul it up a rock face, in comparison with rock climbers who were lean and had great postures.

We found the Canadians again. We found all the fucking Canadians (I think I'm learning more about Canada than .) The ones we had met at the chilled out bar at the last destination (stubs her toe girl) and her friend coincidentally bumped into us on the beach. After playing a game of banter filled volleyball and messing about in the sea, they kindly invited us to dinner.

I was excited about going for dinner with strangers. Firstly, I love meeting new people and they seemed like a friendly couple of girls. Secondly, spending a whole day with two boys can get homoerotic and thirdly, there was a promise of an all you can eat buffet at the restaurant.

The dinner was fun. Lots of banter and some cross culture conversation about the EU (most of which I had no idea about) and the royal family (who was fitter out of Kate and Pippa Middleton.) I left feeling satisfied with what I had eaten but knowing I would need a poo at some point later in the night (something that would come back to haunt me.)

We moved onto a bar and surprisingly bumped into the Canadians from the boat: The one with the massive jugs, the one with the nose piercing, and the one with blond air. However, we unfortunately learned that the big jugs girl had stayed in Koh Phi Phi because she had met an Australian fellow and wanted her whole back tattooed (and hopefully for her sake a back street boob reduction, otherwise she's getting back problems.)

Having only met a handful of Canadians in my life we were now introducing Canadians to one another and the one with the nose piercing took a keen interest in me. Maybe I should move to Canada.

The girl told me I was "adorable" when she saw me on the boat. Not exactly the compliment you want and I think she may have only been attracted because her other two friends had got laid and she hadn't on previous nights. Nevertheless I was willing to roll with the punches.

This was probably the best night we'd had traveling so far. Conversation was flowing and stubs her toe girl and her friend were great company. However, nose piercing girl kept on touching my arm. She wasn't being subtle with her interest in me and it took me by surprise.

She asked me to dance. I just wanted to sit down and chill out, I'd just started a conversation about fishing with yet another fucking Canadian stranger and I was having a great time. Nevertheless, I though there was some potential sex and decided to grasp my opportunity.

We danced for a bit and she asked me to go for a walk. I assessed the situation: she was reasonable attractive, outdoorsie (she was going rock climbing tomorrow), and a literal thinker. She ticked the right boxes for me, so I went for it.

We walked down the road for a bit and she chatted some shit about speaking fluent French even though she was from the west of Canada. I feigned interest and commended her for speaking two languages.

She called me "adorable" again, and I didn't know how to compliment her back. I find any return compliment in this situation always to be in-genuine. I couldn't say "so are you" so I just said "thanks very much" and left it at that. I don't know why she was so keen, but we started kissing and did so for about ten minutes inbetween more rubbish small talk. The only thing that was concerning me was whether or not she was going to invite me up to her room which was just round the corner. My place was a twenty minute walk and five minute boat ride from a questionable Thai man. We weren't doing anything on the beach, as it was a disgusting building site (instead of sand there was rubble and mud.)

We walked back up to the bar and chatted for a bit wishing I hadn't bothered going for the walk as everyone was having a great time back at the bar. The Canadian fisherman was now teaching everyone self defense and people were smoking sheesha while I was awkwardly holding hands with the nose piercing girl.

We went for a second walk down the beach and kissed some more but this time she was suddenly absolutely fucked. We walked down onto the shitty beach and she was proceeded to walk through the shit and into the water for a wee. I was shocked. I lied down on what I think was builders rubble wandering whether this was normal behaviour for Canadians and whether I wasn't normal for not not joining her. I knew they were an outdoorsie bunch but this seemed like the wrong time to be outdoorsie to me.

She stumbled back and fell asleep on the builders rubble. I had mud all over me. My role had flipped from potential sex partner to carer. I walked back up to the bar where she fell asleep on a bench. I walked up to the bar to ask for a bottle of water and brought it back to her. The ungrateful slag told me: " I don't like that water." I couldn't be arsed anymore, I left her with the water. I marched over to her friend with the blond hair, told her that her friend was fucked and she needed to deal with.

Then everyone came round to have a look: John, Kimpton , Canadian fisherman/self-defense man, Stubbs her toe girl and her friend. Everyone enjoyed some good banter at my expense and we moved on to the next bar and that poo I thought I might need from dinner now desperately wanted to make an appearance.

This was not an ideal time to have my first hole in the ground toilet experience. I normally enjoy having a poo, good personal time, perhaps enjoy a magazine or flick through photos from the trip - this was not enjoyable. Then I realised my worst fear: being stuck in toilet in the middle of a really chilled out bar with two attractive Canadian women, John and Kimpton and no toilet paper and an unfamiliar toilet situation. Luckily Kimpton came over to the door telling me to get out as he really needed a piss. I slowly opened the door and told him to get me some toilet paper.

He got a minuscule amount of paper from stubbed her toe girl (I dread to think what that conversation was like), I wiped and got out, but still there was no fucking sink. I walked behind the bar to ask the guy if I could wash my hands. He was really chilled out. I'm not sure how this can be the case if he's walking around without wiping his arse. Anyway, he showed me to a sink and some soap and I washed my hands. I finally sat down, chilled out and enjoyed about an hour of the evening.

We left at about 4 o'clock stupidly thinking that there would be a questionable Thai man just waiting to take us back. There was no boat, no sign of any fisherman. Our options were to scramble up and down 70degrees of rock face, wade through water or sleep on the floor of the Canadian girls room ($70 per night) who lived just around the corner. The latter was the only option, even though blatantly did not want us there.

We finally walked back to their place. The situation was slightly awkward given that we only met them a couple of times, but we needed a couple of hours sleep to get up at the crack of dawn to catch the ferry we'd booked to the next destination.

We all slept on the floor wedged between the foot of their bed and a mini fridge (about the width of sitting in the back of mini.) We managed to catch two hours sleep and left their room after John nicked a snickers from the mini fridge.

By this time the local fisherman had started their days work and one of them took us back to our side of the beach for 100 Baht each (2pounds), a rip off, but we couldn't arsed to climb over like we had previously during the day.

We made our boat to the next destination after being ripped off another 100 Baht boat transfer by another questionable Thai fisherman. Sitting waiting for our transport I desperately wanted a cooked breakfast and well brewed cup of tea. Instead, I had an unsatisfying 'breakfast' consisting of Ritz crackers, a shit tomato and onion pancake and bottled water (the kind that nose piercing girl didn't like).

We made our transport to the next place. And just when we thought the two attractive Canadians were annoyed with us, they've actually booked to come and meet us at our next destination: Ko Samui. Maybe John will have to apologise for the snickers bar or maybe they'll just let it slide.

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