Home of Trannies, Tuk Tuks, Lousy Drivers, Stumbling Drunks, Pushy Merchants, Cheap Hookers and Go-Go Dancers

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Phuket - a town full of trannies, tuk tuks, lousy drivers, stumbling drunks, pushy merchants, cheap hookers and go-go dancers. If we learned anything within our first 15 minutes in Phuket, it was that everyone was looking to make a buck one way or another and would go to great lengths to do so.

Driving through the squalor of Phuket toward our hotel, we did not know what to expect during our sojourn in party central other than dirt cheap cab fares. Gene and I were relieved when we entered into Patong, what appeared to be the more touristy district of Phuket, full of shops, restaurants and drinking establishments.

However, pulling into the driveway of our hotel, we again grew weary as a guard stopped our vehicle at the gate, requested identification from the driver and retained his driver’s license before allowing us to pass through. Reassured that our hotel was adequately secured, we wondered why such tight safety measures were necessary. Exhausted from our unusually late nights in Singapore, we tried to motivate each other to pull it together so as not to miss out on the full Phuket experience - its nightlife.

Not quite in the mood for Thai cuisine, Gene and I settled for a Mexican-style fare. After paying our tab, I persuaded Gene to visit some of the vendor booths with me before heading back to our hotel for a catnap to prepare for another late night out on the town.

To no surprise, we were both lacking in the patience department and quickly grew irritated with the peddlers’ attempts to trick us into their shops. Extending his arm to offer a handshake, a Thai merchant congenially greeted Gene, “Good afternoon, Sir. Are you from Australia?”

Gene, having been exposed to this particular tactic for the first time, accepted the man’s handshake, which tightly seized and locked his own. “No, I’m from California,” Gene replied.

“Come inside. We make you custom suit for cheap. I give you good deal,” the Thai bargained as he pulled Gene toward the door, never loosening his strong grip. Amateurs to the game of cat and mouse, we scurried into the shop where we were drowned in fabrics of various colors and textures. Assuring our perpetrator that we would return the following day with more money, we high-tailed it back to our hotel.

Setting our alarm for 7 p.m., allowing for a good hour and a half siesta, Gene and I slept for the next 12 hours. So much for the Phuket experience.

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