Long days and hardsleep nights at Suan Mokkh Retreat Center

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I'm sorry, well maybe I'm not... that you haven't heard from me in quite some time. I had my reasons. I've been spending 10 days at a buddhist meditation retreat at Suan Mokkh in the south of thailand. It was very difficult, challenging and developing. Many of you may not know anything what's a retreat like, so i'll start from the beginning. This is an international retreat, set in beatiful environment, with some 70 people from allover the world. You have to be silent except from when problems occur, then to speak to the personell or the monks. You hold the buddhist precepts, sleep on a thin mat on concrete with a wodden pillow, go upp 4 am in morning, go to sleep 9.30 in the evening. Eat max two meals a day and only after dawn and before noon. basically living like an munk under hard training. nmo reading, no music, no dancing, not killing any living being living with mindfullnes, closer to your heart and with a clearer and calmer mind.
We meditate mostly sitting but also, walking and some standing during most the time maybe 5 hours a day. We also do yoga in the morning, listen to dhamma talks (about the essennce of buddhism), meditation instructions and chant important verses in the pali language together. The method of meditation we used is called anapanasati or mindfullness with breathing. It is a difficult pratcise of some 16 steps and we were happy if we came to the thrird. My monkey mind was haunting me as i was trying to calm my mind and body by concentrating my attention to the breathing. Many sessions it took just to find some peace of mind and alertness to understand and actually do the first step. Many times my mood swinged, and so did my motivation. Even if i allowed myself to skip many of the many of the earliest and latest sessions sitting on my cushin unable to get my mind together for maore than ten seconds before almost falling asleep again. But i remained disciplined most of the time. and now when looking back at it i realized how much i've learnt and how far i have actually come in my traing, understanding that i started from zero at day one. I felt quite deep calmess and kept my posture sometimes 30 to 45 minutes. going deeper and deeper. i9 had one minor revelation about the impermanance of the world which is one of the most important teachings of nature in buddhism. I was crying realizing how fragile, "my" life and "my" world was. Tears enabled me to let go a little more of the delussion of reality, where constantantly projecting my ego and constantly hurting myself, running away from suffering or "Dukkha" as the Buddha said.
There is so much and so little to say about this experience, because it remains very much of an experience beyond words. I recommend it to anyone with motivation and interest in developing themselves into completer beings and coming closer to yourself and nature, experiencing the real world of hardshipps in traing your mind and heart.
Going into detail, would make this blog never ending... but i can tell you that the abbot of this monastery, the follower the founder Buddhatassa, thailands maybe most famous monk (just recetly added to unesco's list over important people of the world) he was many times present gicing talks and mediating with us, still now 74 years old and running a whole monastery and starting up a new one on Koh Samui, on the side of this meditation center. His english was sometimes hard to comprehend, it was very personall, but his wisdom and humble always also shone through his apparent seriousness. His great mantra repeated almost every morning, might not mean anything to you who are not involved, but reminds me alot about the right way "Impermanence, Suffering, Non-Self". That is what buddhism is about, but offcourse on another level, the two keywords are MINDFULLNESS and LOVE! Great weher the lovingkindness meditations with a german voulonteer, Volkmar, The Dhamma talks by brittish monk Dhammavidu and chanting with Medhi. These days also gave me time to observe more than what was inside myself, insects and the trees, the sun, the moon and the stars, the noises at night, the wind whispering in the day, "the song of the mosquito" as Buddhadassa used to say... Especially there were the insects and in particular so many kinds of ants, everywhere. You always had be mindfull with them. I took part in their enjoyments and gave them my compassion as they were suffering. Constantly they were crossing the buildings and roads built by man, devoid of attantion to the masses of retreat participant slowly dragging their feet to the dining hall for the evening drink.... So many humans devoid of attention to these little, so ofter periferised creatures. Please recheck this blog again, as i will continue my discourse on these experiences later! But this is all for now. Love to you all out there!

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Comments

[Cooperman]

Great to hear from another retreatant!
Hi! I was at the December 2005 retreat, the one following yours (http://www.travelblog.org/Asia/Thailand/Surat-Thani/Chaiya/blog-48602.html). Nice to read another account. It truly is a unique experience, difficult to put in words... Nick

[Cerise]

Advice sought for Retreat at Wat Suan Mokkh
Hi, Could you tell me what you would advise us to take with us during the retreat - meditation cushion/mat necessary ? blankets ? Towels ? Toilet paper ? torch ? anything that you would regard as essential ? Thanks a lot.