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Published: December 7th 2013
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On Thursdays we have only working meditation in the morning and in the afternoon the whole community comes together for a workshop led by one of the life coaches. Last week the theme was identity. It was entitled "Who am I?". I felt distinctly uncomfortable sitting, eyes closed, opposite and VERY close to my partner, (a complete stranger) then staring into each others eyes looking to find each other's inner child, inner pain and inner joy. This was followed by interrogating one another with the repeated question "who are you?". The other person then has to respond quick fire - "I am a daughter, I am a sister, I am a lamp" etc.
90 minutes worth.
From talking to others it seems most volunteers feel the same about the workshops- they are weird, awkward and excruciating. The residents spend all day every day talking about themselves and their feelings and so can deal with it, but most volunteers have little experience of this. As my friend Yvon said "why can't we open our hearts WITHOUT having to touch each other?"
This week's session, led by life coach Belinda (who the residents say is a self obsessed narcissist) examined
the way we connect with each other. The words "volunteer" and "mandatory attendance" don't belong together in my book, so needless to say I bunked off and had a lovely afternoon walk in the village. Walking back I spied my buddies having a smoothie outside the store. "Where the dickens were you?" They cried (or words to that effect). "No way in a million years I was going to go to that load of shite. And everyone says Belinda is a self-obsessed narcissist. Oh, hi Belinda, didn't see you there..." I spent the rest of the afternoon in my room fantasising about shooting myself in the face.
I'm still glad I didn't go. Apparently they had to say to each other "I'm sorry, forgive me, thank you, i love you". When Yvon told me this we laughed so hard we got told off.
Last nights sharers meeting was hosted by the British actress (she's been in Holby and The Bill apparently). There were 42 people there. I was hoping for an insight into the glamourous and seedy underworld of London's glitterati. The beginning wasn't promising and I kind of zoned out but my ears pricked up
when I heard her say "coke and meth". It took me a second to tune back in and realise she'd actually been talking about "coping mechanisms". The bottom line is she had trouble sleeping (not a problem our resident Buddhist nun has judging by the gentle snoring coming from her direction). This morning's verdict amongst the smoking population of NLF was unanimous. One guy said it was like going to a movie that you'd been excited about for ages and it being really, really rubbish. She started the meeting by reading the first few paragraphs of the autobiography she's writing. We all agreed that ironically, anyone that attempts to read it will be fighting narcolepsy, not insomnia.
Two weeks to go at NLF. Currently my experiences are all about the people here and the funny rules, routines and activities that make up daily life. There have been many new arrivals this week, I use their introductions at the daily meeting to make an instant judgement about whether I will like them (Hilary from UK: "I am interested in signs and synchronicity" cue Family Fortunes style wrong-answer noise). I am discovering that it's nice when your judgements are
correct but even better when you're wrong about someone. Many people have surprised me by bein&g extremely good company despite my initial reservations. Living in a community like this is challenging, easy, boring and exciting. On my first day here at guided meditation we were asked to imagine feeling safe, peaceful and healthy and I realised today that I actually do feel those things. I think that's why there are a lot of long term volunteers here who are in denial about their issues and are scared of going back out into the real world. Incidentally, I am beginning to feel that my time here won't be long enough, and I see they are advertising for a voluntary marketing assistant...
My pal Natalie from Colorado has left but I've still got two Yvonne's - one good (Swedish) and one bad (Dutch) The bad one has a rich, filthy laugh that is only slightly less infectious than my Aunty Susan's. I've got a feeling we might get in trouble.
Cow boss is getting increasingly boring and doesn't like Dutch Yvon. We are outraged. Discussing it amongst ourselves Yvon gets cross and imagines giving cow boss what for.
"Well you know what B?" She says "you can just go fuck yourself"
"Yvon, that's not very mindful of you" I chide
"Ya ok. Go fuck yourself sl...ow...ly"
Podometer: 10 (weighed myself last night- have not lost a single ounce)
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